My Chosen Child

Biological Siblings

2011-07-08T12:35:00.002-04:00

She has one full sibling and five half siblings.
Yet she is an only child.
Some of her siblings live with their father, some with grandparents and some with their other parent.
None live with their biological mother.
She complains to me frequently that she wants a brother or a sister.
She has them but does not know about them...yet.
How do you explain to an almost seven year old child the dynamics of her siblings? Why do some live with her biological father? More importantly why doesnt she live with him?
I know I am going to have to explain it to her in the future, when she is much older.

Telling your child they are adopted

2011-07-07T23:22:00.001-04:00

I knew right from the beginning that being anything but 100% honest with Sarah about her birth was not acceptable.

I knew the statistics that said children who find out later in life that they were adopted struggle. They feel betrayed, ungrounded, and angry.

My plan was to talk to Sarah from the very beginning about her adoption. I told her she grew in my heart, not my belly. At the time, for a toddler there were no questions. She accepted my explanation of her existence with certainty.

Now as Sarah is getting ready to turn seven, the story of her birth has grown. She knows she grew in another womens belly. She knows the first name of that woman. She knows her daddy and I took her home from the hospital.

I know the older she gets the questions will get harder to answer. I know one day she will look at me and think that I am not "really" her mother. But as I look into her eyes now as she asks me about the belly she grew in, I know I made the right decision. It is her history and she has a right to know how she came to be.

I feel as though I am in more of a grey area because she was adopted through foster care. How much do I share? Will she be devestated? Will she think less of me because her biological parents did not intend to relinquish their child?

Only time will tell. I know that she will never doubt our love for her. I know she will grow up safe and secure and have every opportunity available to her that might not have been otherwise.

Gift Cards to support adoption!!!

2011-07-07T09:17:00.001-04:00

Ok guys. I added some gift cards to my online site that are available for purchase!

We all know gift cards make great gifts and now you can help families bring their chosen child home! 80% of ALL profits will be donated to a family who is in the process of adoption!!!

If you are interested please click on the link on the right side "Helping bring families together one child at a time"

Thank you! :)

Jealous? Really????

2011-07-06T22:11:00.002-04:00

I thought I was past feeling jealous when someone was about to have a baby. My cousin is due in August with her third boy, and her baby shower is this Saturday.

Im happy for her- I truly am.

But I find myself having ugly thoughts that keep popping into my head.

Everyone is so excited. Going to great lengths to make the party fabulous. I am even co-hosting the party. But I feel...

Left out. Isolated.

Is that even possible? My daughter was adopted. I never had a baby shower or an adoption shower thrown for me.

Every baby item my daughter had- I bought it.

My step mother is even buying the crib.

I had to buy my daughters crib.

Im embarassed to say I am jealous, but I am.

Blessed

2011-07-06T10:59:00.006-04:00

I am.

I have been blessed with a family.

I have been blessed with a career I love.

I have been blessed with having so much more than most people.

Giving back is hard.

Where do I start?

There are so many things that could change the life of a person.

I think a lot about my daughter. What would have happened to her if we had not adopted her? Where would she be now? Would she be happy and healthy? Safe? Would she know love?

There are still so many children in the world who do not know the love of a family.

That is where I want to give back. But how? I am open to ideas if anyone has any. I recently opened an online store- that lets y ou buy direct from amazon. Same prices, same deals.

I have decided that 80% of any money I make by sponsoring that site will be donated to a family. A family trying to grow.

If any one would like to repost my link- on the top right side of my blog please feel free! Or if you know of a family- please send me a message!

From the heart.

2010-03-15T08:37:00.003-04:00

Yesterday when Sarah came home from spending the night over her grandparents house she told me she went to church with Pappy and Grammie.

My dad then told me she told the pastor that she is adopted. When Sarah heard my dad tell me this, she looked at me and said "I told her I'm from the heart mommy."

A flood of emotions washed through me. I am happy she is beginning to understand how she came to be my daughter. I am also happy she feels comfortable right now to talk about it with other people.

We talk about her adoption often. I even bought an awesome book that we read by Jamie Lee Curtis, "Tell me again about the night I was born". More than anything I am pleased with myself for being able to do the right thing and have her grow up knowing the truth- or most of the truth anyways. We still plan on telling her the whole story-when she is older and able to process that information.

A few of my family members dont agree with me. They would rather I swept her prior identity under the carpet along with her original birth certificate. They see her as mine-and she is; just not by blood.

Is blood thicker than water?

Yes, I believe it is. My daughter is not my blood-but I love her more than anything on this entire planet.

Here and there,,,

2010-03-14T21:39:00.002-04:00

Thats where I have been. I am sure no one is still reading-but that is my own fault.

Life has been going by so quickly. Sarah is in kindergarten. Growing big. Lost a tooth. The light of my life in so many ways...

I love that she is in school and learning so much. We got a puppy last year. A boxer. She is crazy- I am convinced.

We still have our chickens. Although they are more like escape artist renegades. One was actually killed in front of my daughter, by a hawk. So we had an early lesson on life and death and chicken heaven.

The winter is ending (hooray!!!). After over 3 feet of snow this year I am sure I offically have seasonal affective disorder.

We are in the middle of a major home renovation. Everything is where it should not be. Our living room is in the kitchen. And it looks as though it will be like this for at least 4 more weeks.

We are going on vacation in 12 glorious days. Disney-watch out!!! I have a little princess who will bankrupt us no doubt and run us ragged until we are on the verge of collapse.

Thats about it- and it is definately enough!!

Day 5

2009-03-28T18:33:00.002-04:00

Still going

My husband however has unofficially crumbled. He has drastically cut down but he is not going to be able to do this without medicatation. Im fine with that-I just dont want him to quit quitting....

I found that stopping smoking has also improved my parenting skills..Heh...It has given me an edge..The edge I needed to instill soome deeply needed discipline. The edge I needed to enforce that she will eat the whole damn hotdog and NOT just four bites because her belly only wants candy.

I am embarrassed to say that before I started to quit we both were becoming the "giving in" type of parents. Trust me when I say we are both NOT the "giving in" type people..it just became easier to do than deal with the constant tantrums, crying, slamming doors- and yes most of the crying was from me...

Day 3

2009-03-26T18:34:00.002-04:00

Was rough

So far so good though- I have resisted the urge for a cigarette

Do you know how many times during the day that I had that uncontrollable feeling of anxiety build up in my chest? SO many times Im not even sure on the number

My husband is trying. I give him much credit. Even though I know he snuck a cigarette last night. He denies it- but the smell resonates from him.

I quit

2009-03-25T19:56:00.002-04:00

Smoking that is.

I have been a smoker for almost 13 years. I started way young- and here I am at a ripe old age of thirty feeling the effects.

Its time.

Yesterday I had 5 cigarettes (Im normally a pack a day smoker)

Today I only had 3...and....

man...

I feel rage boiling.

I cant believe the hold nicotine has on my body. It is insane.

I am having a glass of wine this evening to smooth over the unpleasant feeling I have right now... I am disgusted that I let cigarettes consume my life, my health, and my bank account for this long...

You know what finally broke the camels back? Not the shortness of breath I have been experiencing nor the gross early morning cough...TAXES!!!! Thats right cigarettes are now up to $6 a pack where I live. I'll be damned if I was going to pay that much to kill myself a little bit each day...

Both my husband and I are doing this together...wonder which one of us will crack first??

Oh boy

2009-03-19T22:56:00.002-04:00

Well I guess you could say I have been on a long hiatus. Havn't been feeling very motivated to blog. Everything is fine. Just busy.

I started back to school last September- Yay me!!! I cannot tell you how much I just want it to be done already!!!

Sarah is getting big- she will bee 5 in August. And will be going to
K-I-N-D-E-R-G-A-R-T-E-N!! i AM IN SHOCK, DENIAL AND WANT TO PEE MY PANTS EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT.

Im not sure if she will be ready for it though. I figured worst case scenario she will just repeat it. We are putting her in a private fullday kindergarten because of course the school district we live in- which we pay THOUSANDS of dollars a year in school taxes does NOT have a full day program- only half day... Cant figure that one out at all. I mean both parents work normally now a days...

SHe is smart but she is still delayed. Her speech is improving but she gets frustrated with her words frequently. I dont know what to think about her counting skills. Sometimes I think she can count well and others its almost like she is dyslexic-mixing them all up...1 2 4 6 3 9 20 12 and so on..

I love her to pieces...even when she tells me that Im boring now or when she rolls her eyes non stop at me...I can just see the fun I will have when she is a teenager.

She goes to dance class every week now, she tries really hard but her feet just kinda do their own thing..lol...dance class is painful for me- the other moms...I just can't seem to connect with them. They are all so mean. Come on- the kids are 4-5 years old they can barely walk in a straight line and you want to criticize a little girl because her tondu is not perfect? They are just lucky i havn't heard them discussing my daughters happy feet like choreography..lol

Im here...

2008-12-19T17:23:00.002-05:00

Still. I honestly am on here everyday checking everyones blogs but I havnt had the will power todo anything with mine. Lots of new stuff. The most important, our family is doing good. Sarah continues to grow and amaze me each and every day.

I need to post more...I do...I have so much frustrations built up I seriously need to get them out somewhere...even if no one reads here anymore..lol..

FIF: Alaksa Salmon bake with Pecan Crunch Coating

2008-06-12T06:00:00.000-04:00

INGREDIENTS
3 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons butter, melted
5 teaspoons honey
1/2 cup fresh bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
3 teaspoons chopped fresh parsley
6 (4 ounce) fillets salmon
salt and pepper to taste
6 lemon wedges

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). In a small bowl, mix together the mustard, butter, and honey. In another bowl, mix together the bread crumbs, pecans, and parsley.
Season each salmon fillet with salt and pepper. Place on a lightly greased baking sheet. Brush with mustard-honey mixture. Cover the top of each fillet with bread crumb mixture.
Bake for 10 minutes per inch of thickness, measured at thickest part, or until salmon just flakes when tested with a fork. Serve garnished with lemon wedges

46 Months

2008-06-08T06:00:00.001-04:00

Inching closer to the big "4". I still cant believe it.

This past month has had its ups and downs. You are growing fast. The things that come out of your mouth never cease to amaze me. Your sense of humor is developing too. You like to pull "tricks" and tell jokes. The silly faces- oh boy.

You are developing an artistic side. You love to color and draw and take pictures with my camera. You know what? You take really nice pictures too. It is nice to see things how you see them- through your eyes.

The ABC song is easy for you- you even try to sing it backwards, You know all the words to our special bedtime song and sing it with me.

Your appetite is growing too- no longer are you as picky with your food. We went from only 5 things you would eat, to- maybe 7??? LOL. Pickles still being your favorite.

You still dont like to clean up your toys when I ask you to. You say "your arms are broken" which is funny cause you seem to use them just fine after the mess is cleaned or you get in trouble.

We took you fishing for the first time ever a few weekends ago. Your still too much of a social butterfly to be able to sit quietly for long and wait for the fish. Oh- and you only wanted to catch 'little' fish NOT 'big' fish. I'll never forget the first time you reeled in your line and you saw the worm and said "Look mom- I caught a WORM!!!- a big WORM!!!!- I have to show Daddy my new worm-he can sleep in my room..."

Life is so fun with you. You inspire me each and every day to be a better person than the day before...I love you....

Mommy

Frustrations

2008-06-06T19:34:00.003-04:00

That is the place I am in right now. I. Am. So. FRUSTRATED!!! LOL. It does feel better to get that out!!

Sorry for the lack of posting- except for the recipes- but I have been quiet. Quiet for me is normally a bad thing.

Sigh-my cousin and her two boys are still living with me. It is hard. Really hard. So hard in fact that I am looking longingly out my sunroom window wishing it was more than 10 feet off the ground so I could jump...well maybe Im being a
tad over dramatic now.

They are messy, loud, disrespectful, and have an utter disregard for peoples' belongings. My cousin is no better. She takes the easy way out by ignoring their bad behavior-which makes me seem super mean because I refuse to ignore and DO discipline them.

They are mean to my daughter- which I have no tolerance for. They take her toys and wont let with them. The eight year old is the worst. He has ADHD and no amount of medication seems to make a difference.

I hate to say it- but I am going to have to ask them to leave. Soon. Really soon. Otherwise my mental health might not be able to take it!!!

FIF: Parmesan Encrusted Chicken

2008-06-05T06:00:00.000-04:00

INGREDIENTS
1/2 cup finely crushed herb-seasoned stuffing mix
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 tablespoon Italian-style seasoning
3 tablespoons butter
6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
In a small shallow dish combine the stuffing mix, cheese, parsley, curry powder and seasoning. Mix together.
In an 8x11 inch baking dish, melt the butter/margarine in the microwave. Dip the chicken breasts in the stuffing mixture, coating both sides of each breast.
Place chicken in baking dish and sprinkle any leftover stuffing mixture over the chicken. Bake in the preheated oven for 20 minutes, then turn chicken pieces over and bake for another 20 to 25 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Enjoy!

Tea Biscuits

2008-05-30T11:59:00.003-04:00

"A quick tea time treat. Serve warm, buttered, and with jam or honey."

INGREDIENTS
2 cups all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shortening
3/4 cup milk

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (205 degrees C). Grease a baking sheet.
Combine flour, baking powder, and salt. Cut shortening in until mixture has a fine crumb texture. Stir in milk with a fork to make a soft dough. Knead 8 to 10 times, and then roll out to a thickness of at least 1/2 inch. Cut into rounds with a cookie or biscuit cutter. Place on cookie sheet, and allow to rest for a few minutes.
Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. Serve warm.

Favorite Ingredients Friday: Applesauce pancakes

2008-05-23T06:00:00.000-04:00

INGREDIENTS
2 cups dry pancake mix
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 eggs
1 cup applesauce
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 cup milk

DIRECTIONS
In a large bowl, stir together pancake mix and cinnamon. Make a well in the center of the pancake mix. Add the eggs, applesauce, lemon juice and milk; stir until smooth.
Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

Date Night

2008-05-22T14:23:00.002-04:00

My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years.

That is a long time.

A really long time.

So time in fact, I think; you begin to lose some of who you were "before" marriage. You start to blend into a being who ends up just coexisting with each other- not realizing the gap developing. Until you suddenly open your eyes one day- and your like 'Oh shit, who the hell is this person sleeping next to me???'

I think thats the road we were headed down. We both have been busy, with work, with our daughter and with ourselves. We were neglecting our marriage though. We were slipping away as best friends.

So we decided to take time out of our schedules and be spontaneous- however for us being 'spontaneous' requires a date and time on the calendar....We are now trying weekly date nights. Last night was our first one and we went BOWLING!!!

I had such a good time. It literally has been a decade since I had went bowling last. I lost horribly- but we had so much fun. Of course Im sure the alcohol helped us along. We have plans to go back next Wednesday.

I know this cant solve all of our problems but I think I might at least get my best friend back.....

Autism: Signs & Symptoms

2008-05-20T06:00:00.002-04:00

Signs and symptoms

In general, children with autism have problems in three crucial areas of development — social skills, language and behavior. The most severe autism is marked by a complete inability to communicate or interact with other people.

Because the symptoms of autism vary widely, two children with the same diagnosis may act quite differently and have strikingly different skills.

If your child has autism, he or she may develop normally for the first few months — or years — of life and then later become less responsive to other people, including you. You may recognize the following signs in the areas of social skills, language and behavior:

Social skills

Fails to respond to his or her name
Has poor eye contact
Appears not to hear you at times
Resists cuddling and holding
Appears unaware of others' feelings
Seems to prefer playing alone — retreats into his or her "own world"

Language

Starts talking later than other children
Loses previously acquired ability to say words or sentences
Does not make eye contact when making requests
Speaks with an abnormal tone or rhythm — may use a singsong voice or robot-like speech
Can't start a conversation or keep one going
May repeat words or phrases verbatim, but doesn't understand how to use them
Behavior

Performs repetitive movements, such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping
Develops specific routines or rituals
Becomes disturbed at the slightest change in routines or rituals
Moves constantly
May be fascinated by parts of an object, such as the spinning wheels of a toy car
May be unusually sensitive to light, sound and touch
Young children with autism also have a hard time sharing experiences with others. When someone reads to them, for example, they're unlikely to point at pictures in the book. This early-developing social skill is crucial to later language and social development.

As they mature, some children with autism become more engaged with others and show less marked disturbances in behavior. Some, usually those with the least severe impairments, eventually may lead normal or near-normal lives. Others, however, continue to have severe impairments in language or social skills, and the adolescent years can mean a worsening of behavior problems.

The majority of children with autism are slow to acquire new knowledge or skills. However, some children with autism have normal to high intelligence. These children learn quickly yet have trouble communicating, applying what they know in everyday life and adjusting in social situations. An extremely small number of children with autism are "autistic savants" and have exceptional skills in a specific area, such as art or math.

When to seek medical advice

Babies develop at their own pace, and many don't follow exact timelines found in some parenting books. But children with autism usually show some signs of delayed development by 18 months. If you suspect that your child may have autism, discuss your concerns with your doctor. The earlier treatment begins, the more effective it will be.

Your doctor may recommend further evaluation if your child:

Doesn't babble or coo by 12 months
Doesn't gesture — such as point or wave — by 12 months
Doesn't say single words by 16 months
Doesn't say two-word phrases by 24 months
Loses previously acquired language or social skills at any age

Adoption...revisited

2008-05-19T09:07:00.006-04:00

Our daughter is soon to be 4 years old. You know what that means right?!?!?!? Time for the endless.. "when you having/adopting another one?"

And the most nauseating comment in the world "When are you gonna GET another one????"....Children are human beings here people and cannot be "gotten", I mean like I can just go to the store and say "Oh-I'll take that one right over there..No..not that one....the one in the blue..." Come on. Where has peoples' sensitivity chip gone???

Honestly, we are content. Completely content. Sure- I see newborns and my heart jumps a little, i love smelling that newborn scent...but I feel we are complete. Sarah has made our family whole. She has already made our dreams come true.

On the foster care front- since we have moved to another state 1 1/2 years ago (can you believe how quick that went???) we have not been relicensed as foster parents. I am not planning to do so either. Our lives are busy and fulfilling and my stomach is done dealing with the state.

I am starting back to school again this fall. Not really wanting to- but I need to. It is something I need to do. The way prices are going up and up and up- I have to do somehting to bring in the big bucks...Ha

Speaking of bucks- I have made over $85.oo so far by signing up for RME (see button to right) and have safely and fee free transfered to my bank account!!! With our profits my cousin and I have decided to use the money to make homemade soaps-- Ic ant wait!!!

Asthma Warning Signs in children

2008-05-18T06:00:00.001-04:00

******Another post I am posting over from my old wordpress blog- it has been getting recent searches and an its a good topic to read...

My daughter suffered from asthma when she was one- thankfully she outgrew it. Asthma is a very scary disease-especially if it is a new diagnosis for your child…..

Every child with asthma has a built-in early warning system that signals when symptoms are on the way. Those signals can be seen, heard, and felt. Every child has his or own pattern of signals. But parents and children can make keen observation a habit and learn how to recognize those patterns — the body’s messages to get going and head off those symptoms before they get bad.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:
Anxious or scared look
Cough, especially at night
Unusual paleness or sweating
Flared nostrils when the child tries to get some air
Pursed lips breathing
Fast breathing
Vomiting
Hunched-over body posture; the child can’t stand or sit straight and can’t relax
Restlessness during sleep
Fatigue and breathlessness
The notch just above the child’s Adam’s apple; when some children are having an asthma episode, this notch sinks in as they breathe in
Spaces between the ribs; these areas may sink in when the child breathes in

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Coughing when the child has no cold
Clearing of the throat a lot
Irregular Breathing
Wheezing, however light
Noisy, difficult breathing

HOW TO LISTEN:
Put your ear to the child’s back and your hand on his or her chest. You’ll feel the chest go up as the child inhales, drawing in air, and you’ll feel the chest go down as the child exhales, releasing air.
Listen for squeaking or any unusual noises. They may mean asthma, bronchitis, or a chest infection. Only a doctor can tell for sure. So regard any noisy breathing as a signal that help may be necessary.
Note: If the child is having symptoms and there are no chest sounds, it’s a sign of a bad, fixed chest that requires medical attention. Call your doctor immediately.

WHAT TO DO IMMEDIATELY:
Reassure the child by your tone of voice, your attitude of being able to manage and your confidence. All these qualities are catching. Your child will take cues from you and relax.
If the doctor has recommended a medicine when signals appear, use it. (Don’t give the child a special dose unless the doctor said to.)
Encourage normal fluid intake. Excessive fluid intake may be counter productive.

ADDITIONAL STEPS TO TAKE:
Help your child relax.
If you can find out what triggered the symptoms, remove it - or the child from the area.
Your experience and judgment can help you decide what further measures to take in addition to calling the doctor.

FIVE EMERGENCY SIGNS
Having any one of these signs means medical care is needed. Call your doctor or get emergency medical care if your child exhibits any of these signs.
Wheeze, cough, or shortness of breath gets worse, even after the medicine has been given time to work. Most inhaled bronchodilator medications produce an effect within 5 to 10 minutes. Discuss the time your medicines take to work with your child’s doctor.
Child has a hard time breathing. Signs of this are:
Chest and neck are pulled or sucked in with each breath.
Struggling to breathe.
Child has trouble walking or talking, stops playing and cannot start again.
Peak flow rate gets lower, or does not improve after treatment with bronchodilators, or drops to 50 percent or less of your child’s personal best. Discuss this peak flow level with your child’s doctor.
Lips or fingernails are gray or blue. If this happens, GO TO A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER OR EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT AWAY!

I love this city

2008-05-17T06:00:00.000-04:00

I used to hate it here. When I was growing up. Now that I have come back here I truly appreciate what this city has to offer. The shopping, the culture, the FOOD, the skyline views and about a million more things it has to offer that I never took advantage of growing up. Im so glad my daughter will have the opportunities I did not.

Favorite Ingredients Friday: Citrus Broiled Alaska Salmon

2008-05-16T06:00:00.002-04:00

INGREDIENTS
4 large oranges
8 (4 ounce) fillets salmon
2 teaspoons red wine vinegar
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 teaspoons cracked black pepper

DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven's broiler.
Slice, peel, and pith oranges; slice crosswise into 1/4 inch rounds. Season fillets with salt. Place salmon fillets on broiling pan.
Place the pan of fillets 4 to 6 inches from heat. Cook for 15 minutes under the preheated broiler, or 10 minutes per inch of thickness. Remove from broiler just before they are cooked through. Sprinkle with vinegar. Arrange orange rounds on top. Sprinkle with green onions and cracked black pepper. Broil 1 minute longer.

Heart Attack Signs and Symptoms

2008-05-15T00:01:00.004-04:00

*** Had this post over at my wordpress blog and i decided to bring it over here since it was a popular search topic..

Heart Attack Warning SignsSome heart attacks are sudden and intense — the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help.

Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:
Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.
Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness

As with men, women's most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

Learn the signs, but remember this: Even if you're not sure it's a heart attack, have it checked out (tell a doctor about your symptoms). Minutes matter! Fast action can save lives — maybe your own. Don’t wait more than five minutes to call 9-1-1.

Calling 9-1-1 is almost always the fastest way to get lifesaving treatment. Emergency medical services (EMS) staff can begin treatment when they arrive — up to an hour sooner than if someone gets to the hospital by car. EMS staff are also trained to revive someone whose heart has stopped. Patients with chest pain who arrive by ambulance usually receive faster treatment at the hospital, too. It is best to call EMS for rapid transport to the emergency room.
If you can't access the emergency medical services (EMS), have someone drive you to the hospital right away. If you're the one having symptoms, don't drive yourself, unless you have absolutely no other option.

How do I know if a heart attack has occurred?

A doctor who's studied the results of several tests must diagnose a heart attack. The doctor will
review the patient's complete medical history.
give a physical examination.

Use an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG) to discover any abnormalities caused by damage to the heart. An ECG is a medical device that makes a graphical record of the heart's electrical activity.
sometimes use a blood test to detect abnormal levels of certain enzymes in the bloodstream.
Blood tests confirm (or refute) suspicions raised in the early stages of evaluation that may occur in an emergency room, intensive care unit or urgent care setting. These tests are sometimes called heart damage markers or cardiac enzymes.

*******As a cardiac ICU nurse our physicians always told patients after you call 911- take a 325mg asprin while waiting for the ambulance. Asprin is used as a blood thinner to help reduce the risks of blood clot forming in the cardiac vessels which would extend the area of damage from the heart attack. But you should review this with your own personal physician to make sure you are not contraindicated for asprin therapy

Tax Rebate

2008-05-14T22:47:00.003-04:00

Where are you? I have been obsessively checking my bank account 10 times a day-and you are no where to be found. Our check should have been here on the ninth....Hmmmmmm

I had to leave work a little early today- I had a massive headache that would not seem to go away. Its been along time since I had one of those. So I came home and laid down for a nap- when I woke up I looked at the clock and Sarahs daycare would be closing in 10 minutes!! I got there in the nick of time. I felt horrible- she was the last kid to be picked up. How sad. Guilty mommy here. She didnt seem to mind fortunately.

So when we get home she starts looking through a magazine I had gotten in the mail and proceeds to tell everything she wants to "buy". LOL. At this rate I am going to have to get a second job before she is a teenager.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

2008-05-13T08:49:00.002-04:00

So I am completely exhausted, I guess 4 hours of sleep daily for over a month will do that to you. I just have too much to do at night it is really hard to get to bed earlier. It doesn't make it easier that my job starts at 0530 am.

Plus my cousin and her 2 boys are still with us and likely to be so for at least another month.

Calgon take me away!!!!!!

Mondays, blah...

2008-05-12T12:52:00.003-04:00

I hope everyone had a really nice mothers day...I spent the day traveling from here to there and there to here. Im back at work today-blah.

I am already in vacation mode...only problem is that it is not for another 4 weeks....Ech.. I am so ready to relax and do nothing for 13 days. Well not exactly nothing- my baby chick will be arriving on 6/10 and then a few days later i am going to Boston-all-by-my-self!!!! Woo! Talk about excitement.Im only going for a few days though...

I wish the rain would stop!! Do you hear me Noah?? This is not the time for building arks! Dont you know that i have a garden to rotatill and plant? Landscaping to do? A chicken coop to build???

Here Chickie Chickie...

2008-05-10T10:48:00.006-04:00

So for the longest time now I have been wanting chickens, Yep. Thats right, I said chickens. Everyone thinks I am crazy for wanting "dirty disease ridden birds". Well let me tell you a little secret-chickens are dirty, if you dont clean up after them.

I have done alot of research on them and how to take care of them- and it is not really that hard. I have my coop picked out, the chickens are ordered and will hatch on June 9th. I picked 2 different breeds- both lay brown eggs. I am so excited.

Everyone asks "Why dont you just buy your eggs...They are not that expensive.." It is not really about saving a couple dollars....True eggs are projected to go up to over $4 a dozen by the end of year, True I could have enough extra eggs to sell and make a little extra money....But fresh eggs are th absolute best. I dont know if you guys have ever had them but they are huge and taste so much better. I plan on raising my chickens totally organic, NO antibiotics, no cramped conditions or inhumane treatment- like they do in commercial settings...Happy chickens means better eggs, right?!?!!?!?

Did you know that the eggs you buy in a grocery store are over a month old already?? I didnt either until i started researching them.

45 Months

2008-05-09T21:00:00.001-04:00

Sarah,
Yesterday you were 45 months old. I am absolutely amazed how quickly time continues to go by. Everyday a new part of you emerges. The bad habits are fading a bit and new ones are emerging. You are very headstrong and perhaps a bit on the stubborn side. You are so energetic and you make mommy tired just watching you run around!!! I swear I dont know how such a small little person, who eats next to nothing, can have as much energy as you do.

You wont let me clip your fingernails right now- you cry if I even attempt it. So tonight my sweet, mommy has to sneak into your room while you sleep to do it. And you know what is going to happen-when you wake up in the morning you will scream bloody murder that your nails are missing.

You love bedtime stories and that makes me happy to have that time with you. One book at bedtime quickly turns into 5. You have moved most of your books from your playroom to under your bed and always move them back there when I try to clean them up.

Your vocabulary is expanding by leaps and bounds and you learn new phrases everyday. One of the funniest is when you say " Oh...my...god" and when I get up from wherever I am sitting you quickly run to take my spot saying "I save your seat mommy and make it warm and comfy"

You are constantly testing our limits and trying to expan our boundaries. Mommy and Daddy are trying to work together better to direct you. You dont like being told 'No" and you think you are the boss..lol...

You love to chase Daddy and jump on his back hanging like a monkey. You think "Honk" is the funniest word on the planet. When you say it you erupt into a fit of giggles and end up making a snorting sound.

You tell us when you grow up you want to be a doctor. I know that you will probally change your mind a million times, but it secretly makes mommy very happy that you would possibly end up helping people like I do.

You are addicted to chocolate. SERIOUSLY addicted. So serious that I have to find clever ways to hide it around the house. And when you find it- your face becomes a sticky brown mess that extends all the way down the font side of your body.

I love you,

Mommy

Favorite Ingredients Friday: Tres Leche Cake

2008-05-09T04:30:00.000-04:00

INGREDIENTS
1 cup white sugar
5 egg yolks
5 egg whites
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 (12 fluid ounce) can evaporated milk
1 pint heavy whipping cream
10 maraschino cherries (I substitute strawberries instead)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Butter and flour bottom of a 9 inch springform pan.
Beat the egg yolks with 3/4 cup sugar until light in color and doubled in volume. Stir in milk, vanilla, flour and baking powder.
In a small bowl, beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add remaining 1/4 cup sugar. Beat until firm but not dry. Fold egg whites into yolk mixture. Pour into prepared pan.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 to 50 minutes or until cake tester inserted into the middle comes out clean. Allow to cool 10 minutes.
Loosen edge of cake with knife before removing side of pan. Cool cake completely; place on a deep serving plate. Use a two prong meat fork or cake tester to pierce surface of cake.
Mix together condensed milk, evaporated milk and 1/4 cup of the whipping cream. Discard 1 cup of the measured milk mixture or cover and refrigerate. Pour remaining milk mixture over cake slowly until absorbed. Whip the remaining whipping cream until it thickens and reaches spreading consistency. Frost cake with whipped cream and garnish with cherries(or strawberries!!!).

Everyone likes something free right????

2008-05-07T17:50:00.002-04:00

It works..it really does...I signed up and after logging out of my new account and logging in again-within minutes I had a credit for $25.00.

Is there such a thing? I saw this on another blog and tried it. It's a new online pay service, similar to Paypal. All you have to do is click the link I added to the right and you will receive $25 free to use through their site. I will receive $10 for referring you! Plus, when you sign up, you do NOT have to give your bank information, or a credit card.
I found a site on Etsy (of course) which accepts RME (Revolution Money Exchange) so I will be using my FREE $25 on that site. I will either not go over $25 or will use another way to pay for the rest of the cost if there is one, as I do not plan on giving RME my information past what they have, I already use paypal.
Anyway, FREE $25 sounds good to me!!! It took me 5 min total to sign up and get my free money!!! Go for it!If you want to find sites on Etsy that take RME, just go to their search bar and searching under tags/titles list RME. About 150 PAGES of items came up. If you don't care for a specific item, but would maybe like other things they sell, click Shop under the item you see and it will take you to that person's shop.

Update: Just so you know, I did Google this site and looked up references on it's safety. It is backed by FDIC, which is why they do ask for your SSN# during sign up. There were articles in both the Washington Post and USA Today on it's safety as well as other websites and many current users rating it extremely well. I also found out, which I didn't know, that Paypal began in exactly the same way, with giving away "money" to new users. :) Good to know these things prior to signing on to something so new. :)

Ineffective Parenting

2008-05-06T23:26:00.000-04:00

Boy- I think the name of this post pretty much sums up how I feel. Im tired and frustrated and feel as though my parenting skills stink lately.

Sarah is 3 1/2. A fireball of stubborn energy throwing temper tantrums at me left and right. Barely giving me time to recover from one tantrum before she spirals into another one. I dont know what else to do. I feel as though I have "tried" everything as far as discipline and positive reinforcement to no avail.

She gets angry and grinds her teeth, screams, kicks, hits, bites, and throws things. Yikes. I know alot of it stems from her inability to effectively communicate her feelings/desires....But.....damn I dont even know what to say....I talk to her about her bad attitude and then I raise my voice that is normally followed by a time out- which normally ends with her kicking her walls and throwing things- then of course comes the kicking, hitting some more screaming and the occaisionaly biting. Speaking of biting she has never been a big biter until recently.

It always seems to end in the dreaded spanking. I hate spanking-strike that I loathe spanking her. I feel like a hypocrit- I tell her hiting is not nice but then I spank her when I have had enough- sending mixed signals to her... Sigh......
i especially feel guilty spanking or yelling sometimes because she is adopted, does that make sense? Anyon else feel like this? Any stories, thoughts or suggestions would be imensely appreciated.....

Primal Wound

2008-05-06T23:22:00.002-04:00

I love my daughter-more than I love anything in this entire world-including myself. Becoming a mother has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I recognize that by myself gaining this joy- another has lost a piece of them. My daughters first mom and my daughter. The loss to Sarahs first mom is obvious.
See our adotion experience is different. We did not enter into an open adoption. We actually adopted through foster care. The first mom (FM-for further typing purposes) did not in the beginning wish to lose her daughter. She did not make an adoption plan. She had no intention of doing so. But due to circumstances- she found herself sick with very serious addiction problems.

To add to that struggle- she is bipolar. I had met with the FM on several occaisions and the love for Sarah was apparent, but she could not battle her demons to become a safe person to raise her children. She knew my husband and I would adopt Sarah if that was what path we started to head toward. She tried initially to work the caseplan but was unable to do so. I talked to her frequently updating her on the baby and offering her support. After 4 months she decided to terminate her rights, and the birthfather also agreed willingly to do so.
The rest of our story is history from there. Or is it? I look at my daughter everyday and I know she has her mothers eyes and nose, her fathers ears. I read what books on adoption I could find. None of which really covered the whole foster to adopt scenario. So in a way we are winging it. Just doing the best we can do to let her know her story. But on a deeper level-I wonder-does she know? Does she know her loss? She as a toddler is a stubborn girl, with frequent outbursts of anger. Is this anger normal toddler behavior? Or is it the anger and frustration surfacing from a loss she feels but does not understand?
I feel like adoption is like an onion- and the layers just keep peeling back. My husband thinks I am overanalyzing- but I just do not know. Because I have never had that loss. I just want to do the best thing for my daughter. I have the urge to contact the FM every once in awhile- just recently I found her-in jail. Her lifestyle has not changed and is actually becoming worse. In a sort of way I feel responsible for that too. Granted she has had her problems-which was what brought around the whole adoption to begin with- but how can some one recover from all of that and with the pain of losing her child unwillingly?

Favorite Things

2008-05-06T21:56:00.002-04:00

My daughter

Playing tag outside with my daughter

My family

Family movie night

Old houses

Reading her books at bedtime

Rainy Days

Going out with the girls...

Snuggling Gardening

Pepsi (cherry that is...)

Road trips

Shopping Quiet

Hearing her say,"I lub you mommy"

this is a test

2008-04-30T17:49:00.002-04:00

I am still currently actively blogging over at th wordpress address- but i am not sure if I like it all that much---SO I am going to be playing around on this blog to see which i do like better.....

check me out at:

http://mychosenchild.wordpress.com/

Importing over

2008-04-11T19:29:00.002-04:00

moving on over to wordpress today....hope some of you guys will follow me over there...too much to "fix" on this site...needing a change......
http://mychosenchild.wordpress.com/

Am I wrong?

2008-04-11T13:49:00.000-04:00

Back when my husband and I decided to adopt we never discussed how we would handle the topic of our "adoption". Obviously; we were never planning on deceiving our daughter. It was and still is our intention of her being aware she is adopted on an age appropriate level.

What I am talking about is- What do you say to people to whom never knew you when you were actually going throught the motions of adopting?

We lived in Florida when we were adopting our daughter. Of course our immediately family members knew what was going on and so did a few friends. When we moved back to Pa last year I connected again with alot of friends. Friends I had not spoken to since highschool. So when I talk to them about my daughter I dont mention that she was adopted. When they ask about her birth. I tell them. However I am careful to tell it from almost a third party point of view- that way I feel I am not lying and I really just do not feel the need to tell everyone she is adopted. Its a private matter.

So what do you guys think? AM I being deceptful? How would you handle this? Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated...

Cleaning out the house

2008-03-16T21:07:00.000-04:00

Yes I am aware that this blog has been largely neglected. Life has once again swept in and rearranged everything. I do apologize. I am going to try and bring this back.
I have some MAJOR reorganization to do.
Links need updated..
Template needs adjusted...
And..well...I really want to broaden this blog quite a bit. Its funny how when in the process of becoming a mommy- it consumes your soul- your every fiber of 'being'. I have been a mommy for the past 3 1/2 years now-and have stopped fostering...we have stopped 'trying' and have been living in the moment...
So if you are already linked to this blog and would like me to update you..please send me a link..

TA DA!!!!

2007-09-01T12:36:00.000-04:00

Well it has been a long time.

I think i had lost my blogging mojo there for a bit. Not to mention I had forgotten my password for this site and it took awhile to sort out.

I am at the tail end of my vacation from work and feel a bit more revived...so here I am!!!

I have been browsing my links and I drastically need to update them- so if you would like me to list your site please leave the url in a comment and I will put it in!!

Congrats to everyones ADOPTIONS!!!!!! THAT IS FABULOUS!!! It is amazing to me that when I started the whole foster to adopt process--they told me "it will take YEARS possibly to adopt an infant-especially a caucasian one. It is VERY uncommon to do so." BUT look at all of us???? Its amazing!!!!

Whoa

2007-03-27T22:02:00.000-04:00

Yes I realise I have been an extremely erractic of not totally absent blogger here lately. My apologies... Hopefully some of you still swing by here occaisionally...

Life has been busy. Too busy. I started working about 2 months ago. In a coronary care ICU. So that itself has been life altering. I work 4 days a week rotating day/night schedule, which totally bites.

Poor little Sarah has had a hard time with Mommy going back to work. Especially when I work nights---sometimes I dont get to see her for 3 days in a row....I hate that, but I love my job. It is very interesting and extremely fast paced. If anything it has been giving her more one on one daddy time.

The last few days here have been beautiful as far as the weather. In the low 70's... NO humidity...I had almost forgotten what it was like to breathe air that did not have 100% humidity...So we got alot of outside work done today...I started putzing around with my 2 gardens....Yes I said TWO gardens!!!! Its crazy. So far today we only planted scallions---but only because the previous owners seriously never even did any maintenance outside for the year they owned this place.. I got all of my things to plant the big garden after our neighbor rotatills (sp?) it...its that big..

Sarah has definately blossomed into a little chatter box...even though we still strain to understand her alot of the time. But at least she is making BIG progress. She will be 3 in August and is 29 pounds, 37.5 inches...my little green bean.

I am here

2007-01-13T13:05:00.000-05:00

It has been forever and a day...and I apologize. I am still around...The move is done...everything is pretty much unpacked except for a rogue box here or there...I have Sarah enrolled in her new school which starts next week...I start my new job on 2/12---and I am soo excited about that.

I love my new house. It is awesome. It is big. The kitchen is enormous. The yard is massive---and fenced in!!! Shoot--I even have a pond now. I am definately NOT missing Florida. My husband is with me. Sigh. I dont think I have the energy to get into that subject just yet...Maybe tommorrow...

All in all I am very happy to be back where I grew up with my entire family here...Sarah gets to grow up now knowing her grandparents, uncle and cousins..I love it!!!I actually have babysitters now if I need to go do something!!! How cool is that?!?!?!?!

Hey there- hi there- hum there....

2006-11-19T22:58:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the extremely long hiatus in posting...We have been busy litle beavers over here....We are home owners again!!! That's right!!! We closed on our new house last week and have been busy overseeing the renovations "by phone". Fun Fun Fun.

I love my new house!! I am going to have a blast with all my little projects once I actually get there....Speaking of that I will be moving 1200 miles a way in less than 3 weeks and have not packed a thing!!!!!! Talk about pressure!!!!

Sarah is fabulous. Growing like a weed. Talking up a storm. She is addicted to Dora, Blues Clues and Noddy (go figure on that one!). She is 2 years 3 months and is already up to my belly button...Yep I am a short person!!! But seriously this girl is going to be TALL!!!

She loves spaghetti with meat sauce!!! So far the only veggies she will eat on occaision are corn and broccoli....I buy Pediasure and give her one like every 3 days to help make up for all the nutritional things she is lacking in...We are STILL working on the potty training. She does fairly well. She sometimes forgets to go to the potty when she is running around naked and I find a little turd here or there...Not very amusing when it happens first thing in the morning BEFORE I put my contacts in!!!

I saw her today

2006-11-04T00:53:00.000-05:00

Sarahs biomom. Walking down a busy road. At first I had to do a double take. I had thought she was living in a totally different town. I pulled a U-turn and checked her out again... Then---something overtook me. I pulled over about a block ahead of her....and waited....

When she got closer I got out of my car. She recognized me instantly. She ran over and gave me a hug. We started talking a mile a minute. It was amazing. She told me she is doing well--says she has been sober for almost a year. Gosh I hope so....I would love to believe that for her and Sarahs sake.

We chatted and caught up for at least 30 minutes. I got her new address. I gave her one of Sarahs school pictures from my wallet--and promised to send more next week.

Overall she looked good. She seems to be trying. I had Sarahs halloween costume in my backseat still and I showed it to her. It broke my heart when she asked to smell it. She wanted to see what Sarah smelled like she said. She talked alot about God. She told me before she had Sarah god had told her that she wasn't this babys mommy. She said when she first met me--she knew I was Sarahs mommy. She seems to dealing well with the loss of adoption--as well as anyone in her situation could I guess.

I knew it was fate that I happened to run into her. She has been on my mind constantly the last few weeks. I was having issues with closure of some sort. Every night Sarah and I have a bedtime routine. She has this waterglobe on her dresser with 2 angels inside. Every night I wind it up and ask Sarah to kiss the angels goodnight. Well her bio-maternal grandma died during Hurricane Charley--a few days after Sarah was born. So she never got to meet her. So kissing the angels is a way I was hoping to incorporate the story of her late grandma. But I did not know the womans name.. It was really bothering me. I subscribed to local newspapers archives hoping to find the name of her grandma--thinking it would be listed with Charley fatalities...Nope...

Today I found out her name was Delores. But she went by "Dee-Dee".
Now the truly amazing part of this story for me--Sarah has a pink teddy bear we bought her when she was in the hospital when she was 6 months old. We called him "mr Pinky" or "Pinky". When Sarah started to talk she renamed him...."Dee-Dee"....I really believe her grandma is here and looking out for her...there have been a few other things that have happened that make me think that--but regardless I think it is a precious link to her grandma....

Cypress Lake Park Florida

2006-10-27T18:51:00.000-04:00

Sadness

2006-10-25T20:45:00.000-04:00

We havn't heard anything about Sarah's biological parents for a long time now. Partly because we have a semi closed adoption due to safety issues..Partly because since we are no longer foster parents we are "out of the loop".

I frequently check our local county sherrifs website to "check up" on them to see if they have been in any more trouble...I thought all was going well.

Until I found out her bio mom is living in a different county now. Lo and behold she has been busy. According to that countys' website. I feel an indescribable amount of sadness over this. I had thought for awhile now that maybe she was getting her life together, that maybe she was trying....

I was hoping. But I am/was wrong. I guess I never will understand the power of addiction has over a person---especially when you lose a child to said addiction.

I know on some level she does love Sarah. But she does not have any of her three children. I can't imagine soemthing like an addiction having such a strong hold over me that I could not or would not be able to fight for my children.

I guess all I can do is pray for her. That she cleans up and makes a life for herself so that maybe someday Sarah will at least possibly know her. I am worried that she is in a downward spiral and it will eventually lead to her demise. I don't want to have to explain that to Sarah. I shouldn't have to explain to her that her bio mom chose that lifestyle indefinately...

I don't know. What do you guys think? How would you explain to your child that their biological parent chose that lifestyle over their children?? How?

Back to the Basics

2006-10-24T18:14:00.000-04:00

Thats what I want to do.

When I originally started this blog--my goal was to write about our then pending adoption of our foster daughter...

Well that is done and over with...We are also no longer foster parents...We decided to let our license lapse after the adoption. We decided that we were blessed to have had such an awesome experience like we did-- that the chances of having an equally wrinkle free case come to us again was nil.

Plus add into the fact we were planning on moving 1200 miles away by the end of this year--continuing to be foster parents was looking less ideal.

So that kinda leaves me at a standstill with this blog as to what to write about...I don't plan on stopping this anytime soon...or ever actually...

I'm hoping to get more on track with me and my surroundings...I want to write about everything in my life...being a mommy and a wife is just a part of who I am.....So let's see how it goes

Well it seems to be that time again...

2006-10-23T18:26:00.000-04:00

for a new tenant!!! This week I have chosen Bozettes' blog: Pictures from my world. Feel free to click on the link on the right to view it!! I wanted to feature something a little bit different than personal diary/blogs this time....This site has some really beautiful inspiring photos. I love photography. It is a natural relaxant for me. I love to see through anothers eyes for a different perspective...So if you would like to see some photos of nature, and landmarks I highly recommend you give it a little click!!!!

I think I am going to post a few snapshots of some nature scenes I have taken...Im inspired!!!

Full Circle

2006-10-21T23:54:00.000-04:00

When we were going through the whole foster to adopt and adoption journey--I have to say we had the best caseworker. She was fabulous. She was a fairly new caseworker--but you would never guess it...

Well anyways-on Friday she had a c-section and had a baby boy!!! I am so happy for her and her husband...I went to see them about 2 hours after the birth and her son is adorable!! It brought back so many emotions for me.

The first time I met her--was in the very same hospital..only I was there with Sarah who was a newborn. It was amazing. I know she will be an awesome mommy!!!

Things are flying by here for us. We are under contract on a house up north. Hopefully the closng will be the third week of November...I even went to the furniture store today and ordered a new livingroom set and a beautiful big girl room for Sarah!! I am soooo excited!! So keep your fingers crossed for us that everything moves smoothly!!!

Frustrations of Mommyhood

2006-10-17T20:06:00.000-04:00

I really try not to complain. I am blessed beyond blessed; if there is such a thing. Sometimes I feel as though: Who am I to complain??

All I ever wanted was to become a mommy. It didn't happen through conventional methods--we had to adopt. Which I am in perfect harmony with now.

To me that is all the more reason I feel like I shouldn't complain about being a mommy sometimes. I fought sooooo hard to be one. I begged and pleaded with God to be one. I have cried enough tears surely to fill an ocean to be one.

But yet I feel guilty for feeling frustrated with mommyhood sometimes. It is not easy. Kids are not easy. Marriage is not easy. I am only human right???!?

Sometimes I just wish I could have 5 minutes. Of peace. Of extra sleep. Of nothing to clean up. Of no laundry to be done. Of no one to feed. Just 5 minutes.

But I remember just over 2 years ago I would have given anything to have 5 minutes of noise, chaos, pitter patter of little feet---anything that meant I was a mommy.....

Ok OK OK!!! Soooo- who got one?!?!?!?!?!

2006-10-14T21:22:00.000-04:00

Tickle me Elmo- TMX- that is?

I havn't read too much on other blogs about this little guy...

I can just imagine the chaos that is about to happen the moment Walmart announces they have them and people try to run each other over just to get one.....

Thats why I am pleased to announce that I already have one!!!! Woo Hoo!!! I was on the ball a few months ago while at Toys R Us and noticed you could pre-order one for only $10...

I havnt opened the box to peak or anything- besides its supposedly for Sarah-not me-right??

From what I saw online it is hilarious! Its amazing really--just like a little robot!!

Now onto my horrible mommy temptation.....Sarah is only 2--maybe I should just put this one on ebay a few weeks before christmas to sell for an outrageous amount of cash??? I mean its not like she would know right??? I could always buy her one after christmas when the novelty dies down a bit--she wouldnt notice...Do ya think!?!?!?!?

Besides as of right now they are going for like $90 on ebay....not bad for an initial $35 investment..Predicted to go for about $200-300 right before christmas...HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Costumes and such....

2006-10-12T00:06:00.000-04:00

Ok so Halloween is fast approaching....I can't believe how this year has literally flown by....

So I was wondering what are you guys who have kids dressing them up as this year?!?!? Luckily Sarah is at an age where she has no real preference yet---so I get to indulge and pick out her costume... Probally the last year for her not wanting to pick... :-(

Her first Halloween she was a bunny, last year she was a ladybug and THIS year......drum roll please.......she shall be a CHICKEN!!! Thats right: bok-bok.

Of course if you ask her she thinks she is going to be a duck!!! Close enough I guess....

posted here are some pics of her trying on this years costume...

My new tenant.....Mamaritaville

2006-10-09T17:47:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I took on a new tenant....So I thought I would start back with a bang and choose one that I could relate to and see myself bookmarking to read daily!!!

You can click on Mamaritavilles' link on the right and go directly to her website!!! Her latest post up is regarding the new controversial "drink" on the market that may or may not be spreading elsewhere in the good ole U.S of A.......Hmmmmmmmm

Other than that things are pretty much status quo..I made an offer on a house and the contract is supposed to be faxed to me tonight---I hope so because I already made an appointment for the home inspector for this Friday....Can you tell how anxious I am to get this ball rolling?!?!?!?

Then and now....

2006-10-07T21:01:00.000-04:00

Tommorrow Sarah will be 26 months old. Believe it or not I am shocked by this little fact.

First of all; I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would actually become a mom. Years of suffering and treating infertility had pretty much erased all hope of that.

When I picked her up from the hospital--she was so tiny. Sooo tiny that I actually could not imagine her ever getting big and growing up...

I spent the day all alone with her today and it was fabulous. She talks alot (kinda---if you count all her gibberish) but she understands just about everything I say to her...we had little conversations all day long today!!!

Her newest "phrase" is "Clean up...put it away.." sounding more like "cween up poooot it ahhhhwaeeeeeeeeee"

Gosh she just makes me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I love it when she grabs my hand pulling me and yelling " come on come on"

I love how she knows how to play hide and seek--and half the time I really struggle to find her....

I love how she gives the biggest bear hugs I have ever had---alhough nearly suffocating me!!!

I have been definately feeling the tug on my heart for another child perhaps in another year or two...I would love another little girl...or a boy...lol...The past two years with Sarah have gone incredibly fast--I don't think Im ready to be done with only one child...sigh...

Yes I know I am a slacker... lol

2006-10-03T20:21:00.000-04:00

Thank you guys for hanging in there!!! I have been on almost daily--checking in on everyone...but I have just felt like-- I don't know what to write...I have almost a million things going on...and yet as soon as I went to type- I hit a brick wall...

Sarah is doing good. She has had back to back to back ear infections lately and has been on antibiotics for alomst 1 month straight now. Yikes. I got her an appointment with an ENT doctor in a few weeks. So I am thinking if this continues---ear tubes here we come!!!!!

Oh and I have discovered a million and one concoctions to disguise medications once she started refusing to take any more meds with the dropper!!! I don't blame her. I am personally sick of giving her the medicine.

I have also been consumed with buying another house. 1200 miles away from where I live right now. Fun, fun, fun....let me tell you!!!

I just wanted to also say a big Congrats to Cindy , Tamara and Lisa!! I am soo happy you guys are on the path to permanency!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is simply spectacular!!!!

I also want to say to MamaKBear that I am soo sorry for all you are going through with yur mother in law and I will be praying for you and your family. It is an unbearable situation you guys are all in and you are doing an amazing job!!

"MY Mommy!!!!"

2006-09-07T15:43:00.000-04:00

Everything is going good over here...Hope you all are doing well!!! Not much new to report--everything is pretty much status quo.

Sarah was sick yesterday at school with a fever. So she was sent home and I took her to the doctor. Turns out she has a nasty ear infection. Fun times let me tell you. So today she was not allowed back at school (school policy following an ill day) and I had to be at the hospital today for work...So my awesome friend watched her for me. Thank god for you Mary!!! Mary also watches a little 2 month old boy.

Well when I went to pick Sarah up a few hours ago--I decided to hold the baby. It has been soo long since I have held a little one. I miss it!!! Well little miss Sarah did NOT like that at all!!! She cried so hard her face was beet red. She tried climbing on my lap and wanted me to "get rid" of the baby....It just broke my heart!! I can only imagine what she was thinking!! Guess she does not like sharing her mommy!

Oh well...Im all hers!!

This and That

2006-08-28T22:35:00.000-04:00

Things are going. Going good, going ok, just going. I have been pretty busy with the startup of fall classes. I have been busy with Sarah. Just busy. I have been checking the blogs daily though. I have truly meant to comment...I have just been at a loss of what to say anymore...lol...if any of you really knew me; you would realize how odd that is..

We have been trying to work on our marriage. It is hard--I will try not to sugar coat that. Hopefully the light is at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully. After almost 7 years of marriage it is easier sometimes to just let life glide by...until you wake up one morning and think: Who is that person laying next to me?!?!?!?! I guess that is in a nutshell what has happened to us. Sarah is my world. So I have been putting him on the back burner for quite sometime now..my bad...I know I have to make more time for us--Im working on it....

Now on to happier thoughts. Sarah. My beautiful bouncing ball of energy. It is AMAZING how quickly they grow. I love her little conversations. They almost make sense to me now!! She is tall and skinny...That is one thing I thank goodness for her biological parents for!!! At her 2 year doctor appt. she weighed in at 26 1/2 pounds, 34 1/2 inches....The doctor has an interesting equation: you take your childs height at the 2 yr visit and you multiple it by 2, and you should have a ballpark (plus or minus a few inches) of their full adult height...So my little bean should be around 5'8"-5'9"....lol.....that will be interesting considering I am only 5'4" (if I round up!!!).

I hate to "bring down" this post--but I was browsing through the news and came across this article:
http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.jsp?cat=DOMESTIC&fn=/2006/08/28/464730.html&cvqh=itn_toddler

It makes me absolutely sick. I will never understand why or how anyone could do that. I would love to be in charge of torturing these people. To make the matter worse; people like this give ALL foster parents a negative image. We all suffer the consequences when these sick bastards hurt children...Imagine the biological parents?? The state takes away your child and then something like that happens to them...I honestly hope that couple rots in hell....

She is all I really need

2006-08-17T20:01:00.001-04:00

Things are pretty much status quo on the home front...We are trying I guess to work things out. I am not really stressing over it though..After the initial shock wore off--I got used to it being just me and Sarah. I can manage alone. It doesn't scare me anymore. Sure sometimes it gets lonely. But time passes just the same. I have taken up trying to quilt in the evenings. LOL. I bought some stuff for it today and tonight I shall give it a go!! I also wanted to share a poem I wrote tonight about Sarah. It is not really that great--but I like it. I am trying to get some sort of creative juices flowing. I would really love to get into a groove to write a childrens book on adoption--since it is a topic hardly written about on a child level...we'll see.......

My heart was once broken

My heart was once broken-
Mommy didn’t know what to do…
There was nothing to fix it
Not even glue…

Daddy tried to make Mommy smile
He tried to make Mommy laugh…
He tried to make Mommy happy…
But nothing would last…

I felt like something was missing
Something not right…
Where- oh where could it be?
I wondered, as I looked out the window
One cold winter night…

A child it was
That I was yearning for;
To hug and to kiss
Forever and ever more..

The pitter patter
Of sweet little feet;
Where the sounds
I had wished for
To come and greet me-

O’ how happy
And sweet
Was the day I met you-
It was that moment,
My dreams;
All came true….

You filled my heart
With love so great
Healing my soul;
Sealing my fate…

I look around our house-
Everywhere I see-
Dollies and stickers,
And things to play tea..

Ribbons and Bows
And little girls shoes;
My heart was once broken-
Because I didn’t have you…

In other news.....

2006-08-09T14:53:00.000-04:00

Today Sarah had a speech evaluation done. I knew she was a bit delayed in her speech. I was not prepared for exactly how delayed they say she is.

First of all; Sarah was 8 weeks premature. She has always been behind in something. When she was 5 months old we attended physical therapy 2x a week for 6 months--related to torti colis (neck contracture) and other weakness issues...with time all of her issues resolved and she graduated.

One of the problems we knew we would encounter is "how" they grade for developmental milestones. When you have a preemie; they always adjust their age to determine how level evelopmentally they are on. Until that is--the child hit the age of 24 months. Then they do not adjust for age anymore. So basically, you can have a normal 20 month old child whose adjusted age is 18 months--and they are doing everything NORMAL for being an 18 month old technically....THEN you hit 24 months---and your child is automatically "delayed". They are considered to be able to be on par with other normal 24 month olds. And that just sucks.

So they tell me today---Sarah's language skills are estimated to be on the level of a 16 month old. ??????? Really??? I knew she was behind, but---really?????

I am so sad. I did not think she would be that far behind. I mean she talks. She uses words appropriately. But she doesnt seem to have the vocabulary a "normal" 2 year old should have.....

So onto speech therapy we are heading....it will take about 2-3 weeks to get everything arranged and approved. Then it look like 2-4 tmes a week for 30 minutes we will be in therapy...I'm just glad to get this resolved before she is school aged.... It just doesn't seem fair sometimes though......

Update

2006-08-07T20:45:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to thank you all for your words of encouragement and support--it really means alot. He did come yesterday for a few hours to visit with Sarah and we talked. Seems like alot of what was causing the problem is our impending move north. He is having doubts about leaving his job and finding something comparable up there....Like I said this is the base of the problem...Unfortuately he is the type that lets things bother him for a long period of time and never says a thing about it--until he has reached his melting point.

There is no other woman...I knew from the beginning that was not even an issue. Some women may be skeptical--but not all situations when the husband leaves is due to infidelity.

He is staying with his sister and brother in law about 30 minutes away. When we were talking yesterday he expressed sincere regret that he left us at all. He claims he wants to work it out and come back home this week...He claims it was sheer stupidity and stubborness (sp?) that caused him to uproot as he did.

I don't know. I know I love him. I know Sarah loves him and needs him. I know he is genuinely a good man and an awesome dad.

Yesterday when he told me of his fear of leaving his job to move north; I said to him,"So is it easier for you to leave your family over your job??" I could see the reality of that statement smack him the face.

He told me today " When I am at my sisters...I look around and see all of Sarahs pictures everywhere....and I can't believe what I have done...."

He is supposed to come over tommorrow for Sarahs birthday and stay for dinner and probally the night. So I am hoping we have a better opportunity to talk.......

BAM

2006-08-05T20:03:00.000-04:00

Just like being hit by a huge Dump truck. Just like that. No warning. No discussion. My husband left me today. Just like that--well pretty much.

My stepdaughter just returned back to her homestate this past Tuesday. The whole 6 weeks she was with us--everything was great. Or so I thought. We have always occaisionally had arguments. Nothing major. Nothing we didn't smooth over. Our conflicts were always typically over some character flaws I (and everyone else) believed he had issues with. I'm not going to get into what here---no...

But this Friday things got a little heated here...Nothing major really. Just arguing/yelling. Nothing physical. So I went to work this morning--he called me and told me to get home now.

I went home thinking something was wrong. He stated he was leaving me. He was tired of my "shit". He was tired of having to "justify" his every action/decision with me...Ummmm---is that not what marriages sometimes consist of? I mean don't married people discuss things??? Don't they make decisions TOGETHER??? Or is my perception of marriage totally warped...???

I'm by no means perfect. I know that. I can be a bitch. But I really did not see this coming. I do not think I did anything that could justify this....till death do us part right??? I guess....

So he packed ALL of his things up and left. Thank God he left while Sarah was napping. Surprisingly--I was ok with it. Until she woke up.. and asked for Daddy. Then I just lost it. How could he do this to her??? How?? Our child.

Then of course he had to come back when she was awake. To get his stupid other truck..he stayed for 15 minutes and left..She cried and cried for her daddy. She wanted to go with him...This is horrible.

He says he will come by tommorrow and see her and then he will visit every Sunday..Yeah right- I don't believe him.. Every Sunday-that is a laugh. How could you say you LOVE a child then only plan to see them once a freakin week???

I feel like I let my baby down. Now she has no father technically. I feel like it is my fault. I know once we move out of state (like planned!!) in a few months she will never see him again--I just know it. How do I explain to her that she has lost 2 daddies (bio & adoptive)??? I feel like such a failure as a wife and mother....

~~My Princess~~

2006-08-03T11:01:00.000-04:00

Well on Sunday July 31st we had Sarahs' second birthday party. Her actual birthday is not until August 8th..but we wanted to celebrate it a little early before my step daughter returned to her home state.

We had such a great time. We decorated everything with Strawberry Shortcake theme...it was lovely...we even hired a Strawberry Shortcake character to entertain all the kids--and she did the build a bear workshop!!!! I LOVE build a bear now!!!

I just can't believe she is almost 2!! I am in shock. She looked like such a big girl at her party. She even opened her own presents this year...

The last 2 years with my princess have been amazing. I am a mommy. Some days I never thought I would be one. I remember all the times I pleaded with God-- "please just let me be a mommy....please just let me be pregnant...."

I got my wish. It took longer than I would have liked--but I would wait a million times over again for my little princess. I really DO thank god for unanswered prayers. I am glad I never became pregnant with a biological child--if I did--I wouldn't have Sarah....She was definately meant to be my daughter. I could not imagine my life without her.

Over the course of our whole experience fostering to adopt-- so many people would say to me how "lucky" Sarah was to have been in our family and adopted by us...I would just smile and nod my head...how clueless these people really were....for WE are the lucky ones--to have her as our daughter...

Sarah saved me. She did. My little 4 pound miracle saved me from a life of not being what I had most desired: a mother. She has taught me so much. About love; patience---she has taught me how to be silly and LIVE.
I truly would not be the person today without her.

So I would just want to say thank you Sarah. For being my daughter, and mending my heart instantly the day we brought you home from the hospital--that was the first time I had ever felt complete in my life....
I love you baby girl---with all of my heart...

Family Reactions

2006-07-28T08:14:00.000-04:00

I wanted to post about initial family reactions to foster care...I wanted to share my own experience and here about everyone elses' ordeal when you first told your family you were interested in doing foster care to hopefully adopt...

We had been entertaining the idea of fostering for a year or two--actually it was mainly me... My husband wasn't sure he wanted to go down that road... Actually he wasn't even positive he wanted to adopt... But men are different (most--not ALL!!!)..My husband already had a child from a previous marriage. So he really didn't have that yearning to be a parent. Myself on the other hand, I was obsessed. After numerous rounds of infertility treatment that wrecked havoc on my body and soul- I was even more desperate to be a mommy. I did not care how I became a mommy-- I just wanted to be one.

Adoption was my only choice it seemed. I'm sure you all know how darn expensive domestic & international adoption is... Infertility treatments took their toll on us financially and I did not want to "save" for 4-5 years to be able to afford adoption. I wanted to be a mommy NOW!!!!
So that is what basically led us to the whole foster to adopt journey. It really was an ideal situation. It would cost us nothing; we would be parents; and a child would have an awesome home- which might not have had one otherwise.... Everyone's a winner--right???

Then it came time to break the news to the family...Afterall we did need references!! I told my mom and dad first. They were kinda supportive. I don't think they understood were all of this was coming from. We had (and still do) keep our whole infertility journey to ourselves. I didn't want anyones advice on how to get pregnant. I did not want our whole reproductive life to be gossiped about by family members... Yep thats my family--a bunch of gossip mongers..sigh..

Most of my extended family was really supportive--especially my cousins. The one person who loomed above our decision was my grandmother. Oh the questions she asked!!! Why do you want to do that??? Can't you have your own children??? You know those children are nothing but problems??? I used to know.....and her foster kids set fire to everything!!!! It would go on and on and on....
And on....
She could not fathom why we would do it. My one cousin told me about what she was saying behind my back... "Michelle & A must need the money....why else would they take in foster kids!!!!"

Now THAT was stepping over the line. First of all; my husband and I do really well for ourselves... I am her only grandchild that graduated highschool--let alone college!! I am her only grandchild who is married (before having kids)!!! I am her ONLY grandchild that BUILT our own house!! (on the beach no less WHEN I was ONLY 21!!!!)...Pretty good when you consider she has 32 grandkids!!!!!!!!

So the very idea she thought we were "doing" it for money enraged me. All we wanted was a child. That's it. I kept thinking, "who the heck could even MAKE any money being a foster parent??????". The board payments barely make up for the neccessities!! Good Lord.

So that was my general experience with my family. What was your like? How did you break the news to your family?? I have quite a few more issues to post about regarding this grandma!! Watch for those posts--it is going to be like group therapy in here!~!

Drum Roll Please.....

2006-07-26T15:10:00.000-04:00

My new tenant: PAJAMA MAMA!!! I absolutely *adore* her blog... She has been on my blogroll for a bit now---but when I saw she made a bid on my blog---how could I refuse?!?!?! I couldn't!!!! She is both a natural mom AND an adoptive mom to 3 lucky kids!!! Her blog topics vary- keeping it fresh!!! Her current post "Calling all Angels" , really struck a cord with me...it made me reflect on my own life and different situations I have been in...wonderfully written!!!

So if you havn't checked her out by now--go ahead and click on her thumbnail in my tenant box...You won't be disappointed!!!!

A preview of our family pics...

2006-07-25T02:05:00.000-04:00

Here is one of the pictures we had done last night at the beach.....

Family Pics...

2006-07-24T01:58:00.000-04:00

Well we had our family pictures taken today. We all wore white--and had them taken at the beach around sunset....Unfortunately it was overcast--so no "sunset" pictures....but none the less I think they will turn out really nice...

We have never had any family pictures taken so this will be a first. It's horrible--these are the FIRST pictures I have had taken with Sarah....I should have done a cheapo family picture at least once when she was a baby...Live and Learn I guess...

First Haircut...

2006-07-21T10:14:00.000-04:00

Well it is about that time. Sarah's 2nd birthday is rapidly approaching...her bangs are long and scraggily...AND we are having family pictures done at the beach tommorrow...So I decided it was time for her first haircut.

Now let me just say I am NOT a professional hairstylist in any way, shape or form. But I thought I could handle a few snips across her forehead... I mean how difficult could it be? Right??? Besides---I find it ridiculous to pay someone $20 to cut so little hair...

So I gathered up all my supplies, gave Sarah her bath and decided to get clipping...She must have known what I was about to do--and she was NOT happy about it!!! I managed to get her somewhat restrained in her highchair (which she never uses anymore :-( )

Well the pic on the left is before we started....her bangs were actually longer than they lok in the pic.....then the one on the right...lol....what can I say??? I tried! She was very upset at me in that pic...her bangs are a tad bit too short...in the pic they look like they are crooked---but I assure they really are not...must have been a bad angle....it looks much better now a few days after this incident!!

************PICTURES REMOVED!!! SORRY--DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE THEM UP UNTIL I GET INSTALL A CODE TO BLOCK RIGHT CLICK COPIES!!!

I did it!!!!...I did it!!!!

2006-07-20T14:47:00.000-04:00

My first custom banner heading!!! Woo hoo!! AND all by myself---except for wldjoker and his help on HOW to do it!!lol....it really didn't take me too long once i figured out how to work some of the programs i already had!!! The pictures of the footprints on the header are actually Sarahs footprints taken at birth...How cool is that??? I figured it would be appropriate....

Yea me!!!! I love it!!!

Good post for discussion...

2006-07-19T15:38:00.000-04:00

over at my new tenants blog....Adventures in Parenting..regarding the big dig tunnel death....just click on her blog link on the right there and it will zip you right over!!

I also wanted to say a BIG Thank you to wyldjoker over at Dads HighWAY for his valiant effort at helping me understand HTML code for a new banner I hope to have finished soemtime before Christmas!!!

Adoption Poem

2006-07-18T22:30:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time I held a child,
whose eyes did not match mine.
Its hair a different color,
its smile was just divine.
This child was not born
from my womb,
but given by another,
For me to love and give a home,
to one day call me Mother.
No greater gift will I receive
or cherish more than this.
Thank you Lord with all my heart
for granting me my wish.
(Author: Linda Paige-Tolis)

This poem will DEFINATELY make its way into Sarahs scrapbook....

Blog Explosion & my new Tenant...

2006-07-18T13:40:00.000-04:00

Well I decided to take a cue from Pajama Mama and check out Blog Explosion...It is a site to earn "traffic" to your blog...it is easy enough to use and free...you earn "credits" by viewing other blogs and by "renting" a spot on your blog for a Tenant....

So I am happy to announce my very first tenant is Valerie from Adventures in Parenting!!!! Motherhood...Marriage...and Mayhem..oh my!!! Her blog chronicles everyday life being a wife and mom--trying for baby #2!!! Please be sure to check her out!! The pictures of her son are absolutely adorable!!! Im just a sucker for cute little children!!

I also wanted to Thank everyone for their responses to the survey below...Especially Sunshine Girl...It was great to get the perspective from a former foster child herself...In this whole process that is the one thing I find lacking...Testimony from an ACTUAL foster child...she was the FIRST adult I have been able to connect to who has first hand knowledge by being one herself!! Thanks again!!!

***** I would ALSO like to thank Swaparama Mama... I got the slushie pin yesterday---and it is fabulous!!! Thank you so much!! I have it pinned to my bag already!!

Survey

2006-07-17T00:13:00.000-04:00

I am feeling alot better now. I apologize for the frantic...errr...angry overtone of the last post. But this is where I come to vent to get it out of my system. Let me start off by saying I know not all people I encounter will be so clueless as to adoption etiquette...it just REALLY struck a nerve with me that day...

So I wanted to post a little survey to find out how any of you would broach certain subjects to the children you have adopted or to any person you decide to tell of your childs adoption....

1. When will you tell your child they are adopted? We plan on Sarah always knowing she is adopted...starting probally in the next year as she starts to ask questions about babies...on an age appropriate level of course...Somewhere along the lines of..."you grew in mommys heart not in my belly.."

2. How do you plan on explaining the whole foster care adoption thing??? Im still not totally sure of this one yet...probally little bits age appropriate...

3. Do you plan on letting your child have any contact with bio parents if adopted via fostercare??? Right now we do not. Due to certain factors we do not believe it would be safe for Sarah any time soon. We also want it to be HER choice whether she would like any contact when she is old enough providing there are no safety concerns....

I find myself in such a grey area with this whole adoption thing. Foster to adopt is alot different than regular domestic adoption in my opinion. The end result may be the same--- but the journey is completely unparallel....

Annoyed....

2006-07-14T10:48:00.000-04:00

Well Sarah had an appointment today for a followup for her hearing...Her hearing is TOTALLY normal...But we had to get it checked since she is also going for a speech eval next month...Well she had been seen before in this practice---BEFORE the adoption was final. So they had her listed by her old last name. To change it to her new name--they said I had to bring a copy of the adoption decree and they would change it. No problem. Thats easy enough. So i brought it..gave it to the receptionist---who---was INCREDIBLY---dense, stupid, and I wanted to bang her head against the wall when I was finished!! LOL. So I handed her the adoption decree filled out all NEW paperwork to reflect the name change and our new address...Then the receptionist, asked me,"Well do you want to put her mom for an emergency contact?"

WTF?!?!!?!?
I said " I AM her mom....and you already have my info...."
Her, "Well what about her real mom....what if she has to bring her to an appointment.."
By now I am PISSED!!
"I am her real mom. Did you NOT read the adoption decree???? Why would her biological mother take her anywhere?? I bring MY daughter wherever SHE has to go...BECAUSE I AM HER MOTHER!!!!"

"well yea but i still need her moms info..." smirking while she said this.
By that time out came the supervisor, and turns out the receptionist was just being a bitch because the ONLY information she needed was mine...Bad experience with adoption maybe?? Not my problem. Don't try to undermine my role in my daughters life.

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........Some people are sooo STUPID. Sarah is my daughter period. I do not care if she came out of my vagina or not. There should be mandatory sensitivity training for stupid people who have no idea how to be politically correct. Sorry for the angry rant...but it is people like this that i absolutely dread...I worry that Sarah will be confronted by those type of people when she is older---I worry that she will be made to feel that I am not her "real" mom, I worry about how she will handle those questions.

I am the one to stay up all night with her when she is sick....
I am the one who takes care of her on a daily basis....
I am the one who manages all of her medical needs...
I am the one to teach her right from wrong....
I am the one who wipes away her tears when she cries....
I am the one who kisses all of her boo boo's
I AM her mother!!!!

Prayers...

2006-07-10T10:03:00.000-04:00

Please say an extra prayer today for the family of Shelby Gagne who won her fight with cancer yesterday... She is now dancing with the angels; pain and cancerfree...please keep her family in your thoughts they have traveled a rough road
www.caringbridge.com/visit/shelbygagne

god bless...

The first meeting...

2006-07-08T14:02:00.000-04:00

I realized I have not blogged in a long time about our actual foster to adopt experience with Sarah. The last actual post was back in february when I was getting up to the point in posting about her first visit with biodad. So...let me get back on track...

We met at a McDonalds. I picked it. I figured since he was bringing his son, Little Boy R (Sarhas' full brother) then at least he could be distracted with the playground area. Neutral territory. Biodad also ended up bringing his stepmom (BPSM) with him. Sarah was about 4 weeks old. And tiny. SOOOO tiny. I arrived about 15 minutes early. I wanted to be the first. I think I would have been too self conscious with them watching me arrive after them. I also want to mention that DCS had given me the option of meeting them by myself, since biodad was NOT the offending parent; they truly had no concerns about him.

Sarah had her apnea monitor by then. Seems she did not like to breathe on her own sometimes. So in they came. Man it was awkward. They came in and sat down. We introduced ourselves. Noone spoke for about 5 minutes; we all just stared at baby Sarah. Then biodad started asking me questions about her. About her health, how she ate, what she ate, everything. He really was concerned. His stepmom jumped in occaisionally asking for clarification on the medical issues. So Sarah started to get hungry and I asked the biodad if he wanted to feed her. He did. So I got them all set up, as soon as he picked her up, I remember the first thing he said was "I cant believe how small and light she is."

Within 5 minutes his son he brought with him was itching to go out in the playroom. So he took him and I got to spend some time with the BPSM. She was a really nice lady. Very composed. She held Sarah for a little while and told me all kinds of stories about the bioparents. She told me she did not think the biodad should or would be able to take care of the baby. Sooo....after that was said. I took a DEEP breath and told her "Well...my husband and I would love to errr...adopt Sarah....if...ahhh....there was ever a possibility..." I figured what did I have to lose??? At least I got it out in the open. The BPSM was not negative about my comment. She agreed that would probally be the best option...she also I later found out had told the biodad what I said after we left..

The visit drew to a close after almost 2 hours. They walked me out to my car. The biodad gave me 3 CASES of the expensive DHA infant formula...that he....ahhh....lets say "aquired". All individual sealed glass bottles...like what hospitals use ((wink))...but oh well...it was a nice gesture. And we definately appreciated it since we were slammed with 3 hurricanes that summer and did not have electricity for a bit.

And that was the next to last time he saw her. The last time was right before he signed the TPR when Sarah was 4 months old. I still think of this day everytime I drivepast this Mcdonalds...which is only 5 miles from where I now live. I should take a picture of it for her scrapbook...

Gearing up for the Holiday Weekend...

2006-06-28T00:38:00.000-04:00

I totally forgot this weekend was fourth of July. Until--yesterday!! Errr. I have sooo much to do!! We made reservations to rent an RV and go camping. So atleast everything was technically PLANNED- but I still have to run around and get everything I need. Everyone is doing really good. Sarah is growing and growing. Her appetite has really picked up!! We had a speech therapy appointment set up for her tommorrow- but I rescheduled it for August. Her vocabulary seems to be approving so I have decided to wait a bit to see if she improves on her own. She will be 2 in August but technically she is 2 months behind in everything due to her prematurity...So we'll see..My stepdaughter has been with us now for a week. She is from Washington State. We have her every summer for 6 weeks and every Christmas vacation. So far so good. She will be 13 in September (yikes!!!). Last summer we had some jealousy problems. Which I knew was coming. But so far she is doing really well with Sarah. It is easier since Sarah is more mobile and more fun to play with now. Sarah absolutely **adores** her big sister. I am so glad she gets to spend time with her. 5 more weeks to go--hopefully it will stay wrinkle free!!! This is our last summer in Florida so we are going to try to get aruond and do somethigns we have not yet done in all of our years down here. My husband and I have been to disney a million and five times--but have yet to take Sarah. I think we are going to save that for Christmas time though-when it is cooler and she is a bit older!! I can't wait to take her to Magic Kingdom and dress her up like Cinderella!! What a dream come true for me!! For a long time I never thought I would have a child TO do stuff like that with...God is amazing!! I have been thinking alot lately about unanswered prayers...and how things work out...but I think I will save that for the next post!!

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2006-06-25T09:14:00.000-04:00

Christmas past...

2006-06-19T01:51:00.000-04:00

I sat on the floor with Sarah sunday night reading her a book. We were in her room. She has this one stuffed rockinghorse that winds up and play a lullaby. It was given to her for her first Christmas in 2004 by her biological paternal step grandmother (BPSG). Man that is a mouthful!! So she sat on my lap and I told her who it was from and we listen to it play its music. It was a very bittersweet moment. I told her that I would save it for her always and explain who it was from again when she was older. Obviously I know she did not understand a word I told her tonight.
I remember that first Christmas very well. Her biological paternal grandparents were very nice people. Normal people. Well to do even. But they didn't want her. They instead stepped aside and let us adopt her. For that I am eternally grateful. So that year BPSG; asked if we would allow them to come to our house before Christmas day so they could give Sarah her present. I didn't mind. They promised they would not tell the biological parents where we lived; that was my ONLY stipulation.
So they came by. We talked. I showed them Sarahs room. (Before we remodeled and turned it into the ultimate disney princess haven). They watched me change her diaper. Then we went into the dining room to chat. Sarah started to fuss and I had BPSG feed her a bottle. Then I brought out Sarah's scrapbook I had just started. It didn't have more than 6 pages in it but they drooled over every page.
Then they had me open Sarahs presents. The rockinghorse and an outfit. I was happy I would have something at least to save for her from them. She wore the outfit several days later and I took pictures of her in it. The BPSG asked the bio pat. grandpa(BPG) if he wanted to hold Sarah at all. He wouldn't. I understood. It was all too much for him. How hard it must have been to come into my house at all to begin with. The BPSG kept saying how maybe they could visit with us once a year or so to see Sarah every now and again. I honestly didn;t have a problem with it. I wanted to be able to give Sarah roots. BPG refused though. He told her that: "Sarah had a new family now and she was safe and would be happy and he didn't want any of them to mess with that."
After staying for about an hour; they left. I have never heard from them again. I tried sending pics in emails of Sarah to them. But I never got a reply. So I eventually stopped. How sad in one instant she lost that part of her biofamily. The normal part. How do I explain that to her?

******On a rather tacky note:: The BPSG left the price tag on the rockinghorse. I couldn't
believe it! It is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves by the way. And I know, I know it is the thought that counts. Believe me I get it. But if you were to give your only granddaughter whom was being given up for adoption ONE gift would you get it from a pawn shop and leave the tag for $3.99 on it???? Come on. It is cute; maybe it is just me; but I would probally buy something really fancy and expensive with all kinds of little clues in it should the child ever want to find me!!! LOL.....

Thoughts & Prayers Request

2006-06-17T22:05:00.000-04:00

I wanted to post this website for a little girl named Shelby who is going through a very rough patch from Cancer...Please if you have a moment visit her site and leave her family your thoughts and prayers...it would mean so much to them....

http://www.caringbridge.com/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=shelbygagne

Big Girl

2006-06-17T12:21:00.000-04:00

So I have started planning Sarahs' second (!!!) birthday party..Her birthday is not until August 8th but we are having her party in the end of July. I am one of those people who have to have everything somewhat planned WAAAAAAAAYYY ahead of schedule. Otherwise it just nags at me. So we are doing Strawberry shortcake theme. I bought a chocolate fountain for dipping strawberries and pretzels...yummy. I can't believe my baby is almost two. Where has the time gone??? It seems like just yesterday we brought her home from the hospital. Amazing. I oftenthink of her birthparents and wonder if they think about her at all...I'm sure they do--but I wonder how much. I can't imagine missing a second of her life and yet they have missed all of it so far. I know her birthmother is not doing any better and has had recent encounters with the law (to say it nicely). Sarah has such a personality. She loves to "cook" and play mommy to her babies. I'm so glad she is growing up happy and healthy--time goes by sooo fast.

Laserific!!!

2006-06-14T20:04:00.000-04:00

Well today was the day I started my laser hair removal treatments!!! My Appointmet was at 12:30pm and I was out of that office by 12:50 pm...talk about quick!!! It was a bit painful-I'm not going to lie about that!! I think the worst of it was when they were zapping right underneath my chin area. Ewww was THAT sensitive!!! But other than that it was highly tolerable. When she announced she was done, I was like SERIOUSLY???? I just paid a fortune for a 15 minute session...WOW!!! But hey I get up to 9 treatments ( they say about 3 normally does it) and a lifetime guarentee!!! PLUS free touchups!!! So I guess it is worth it. Heck I KNOW it is worth it...I feel so much more confident already!!! I am already trying to figure out a way to get my legs done!!! Wouldn't that be sweet??? Not shaving legs anymore?!?!?!? HMMMMM...I think I am addicted!!!

Here comes Hurricane Alberto!!!

2006-06-12T14:32:00.000-04:00

What a way to start off hurricane season with a bang!!! Forget tropical storms--our first storm of the season is a full fledged hurricane!! And the weatherman said tis was not gonna be anything major!! Ha. Shows ya that God has other things in mind.....

Just Checking in...

2006-06-12T00:47:00.000-04:00

Not alot going on...just getting ready for our first storm (Tropical Storm Alberto) to hit us tommorrow sometime. Not overly concerned about it--we "should" just get alot of rain. I am now glad we are on the second floor though...I'm glad this will be my LAST hurricane season spent in Florida. I will gladly trade this for shoveling snow. My family up north thinks I'm nuts but they have never stood in their living room watching their windows bend inward to form a sharp V-shape, never stood outside at night right after the big one hit and see absolutely nothing--no light, no sound--nothing. This year marks the Second anniversary of our area being hit directly by Hurricane Charley. There are still thousands of damaged, destroyed homes and businesses. Blue tarp roofs are still visible. And yet this season is supposed to worse than anything we have ever seen. Sorry for the rambles. Nature just boggles my mind. There have actually been alot of things boggling my mind lately. I read quite a few web sites about children who are sick. Really sick. Terminal. My heart aches for their families. I absolutely could not imagine being in that situation. My heart is almost unable to continue working in Pediatrics as a nurse. Watching children die in the arms of their mother is becoming almost unbearable for me. Seeing the pain and anguish in parents' eyes is keeping me from sleeping lately..Sigh... I wish I knew Why? Why are precious children forced to endure horriffic illness' and face an untimely end...It just makes no sense to me. I wish there was more I could do. One of the charities I support is opening several thrift stores in North Carolina to help them support the families who deal with their childrens life threatening illness'. If anyone has any old (but good condition) childrens clothes; I implore you to box it up and send it to them, so they may try to help more families. The cost of postage is small compared with helping a fmaily afford life saving medication not covered by insurance so their child may have a shot at living... http://www3.caringbridge.org/nc/folden/
Sorry for a sad post; but if nothing else remember to give your kids a hug, and thank GOD they are happy, healthy and with you today...tommorrow is not guarenteed for anyone...

Well Well Well

2006-06-09T23:13:00.000-04:00

I am here. I have been faithfully lurking and catching up on everybody. I really have no good excuse for not updating for so long. I have decided this summer is the summer of "Me". I am *trying* to get into shape and do little things for myself to make me happier. Including laying out tanning at the pool. All while Sarah is in school. I know I am horrible. (Evil Grin). I mean it is not like she hates school or anything. She loves it and it is her only opportunity to play with other kids her age. And besides she is only there for like 4-5 hours a day. Ok I am done defending myself!!! I am also having laser hair removal done (face: ewwww)!!! yea!! Finally; PCOS will not mark me!!! It is expensive but I need the boost for my self confidence. I deserve it. My 1st Treatment is this Wednesday!!!! I even had my hair done today!!! WooHoo!!! Well I will post a long update in a bit (promise!) I am about to fall asleep!!!

Not Nice!!

2006-05-17T20:15:00.000-04:00

Well it seems my little bug is picking up words left and right. About a week ago Sarah was starting to act up and acting like a little kamikaze stuntwoman. So I asked her,"Do you want a time-out?" I really hadn't expected an answer- I never before brought up "time-out" to her. I havn't needed to. She is basically well behaved. So imagine my surprise when Sarah says, "Noooooo. No. No." I thought it was a fluke. Surely she didn't understand what I was saying, right?? Well when i took her to school the next day I was chatting with her teacher. It seems, Sarah had quite a few run ins with the phrase "time-out". So since then it has been my phrase to give her a reality check and calm her down when she starts to get a little hyped up. So this weekend, my husband and I had Sarah in our van with us driving to the store. She ended up throwing a shoe or some other projectile object at me, I can't quite remember. So I turned around and said, "NOT NICE!!" Guess what she said right back to me??? Yep. NOT NICE. Funny little bug she is. Well yesterday I was loading our dishwasher, and she kept trying to get into where the knives were and grab one. BIG no-no. SO after like 50 times of correcting her I asked her if she wanted to go to time out. No no no, was the answer I got. Of course. Well then after she hit number 51 of trying to grab a knife, I put her into a real time out. She started crying the "silent" cry, with her mouth wide open no sound emerging. All of a sudden she stopped and looked at me and started shaking her little index finger at me and said, "NOT NICE". Oh man, did I just want to run and laugh. It was soo hard to keep a straight face. But i prevailed. This time.

IM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-17T14:07:00.000-04:00

Well what an experience this has been...We are safe and sound in our new apartment. Whew! Im about 98% unpacked. I love it!! it is bigger than the house we just sold!!!! It has taken forever to get our phone/cable/internet set up via Comcast. What a pain in the ass that has been. 2 no show appointments and I finally can blog again!!! Oh man, cable internet is awesome..We had been living in the dark ages of dial-up. What a difference. Sarah is doing wonderful. She had a few rough nights when we first moved in. I have soo many funny storiesto update later once i get my pc all set up again..IT IS SOOO GOOD TO BE BACK!!! I cant wait to read everyones blog and catch up with them~!!!

T minus 6 days---

2006-05-02T16:19:00.000-04:00

until we move!!!! We are getting the moving van this weekend so we can have it slowly packed by Monday..I even was able to convince my husband to let me hire 2 guys to help move the heavy stuff!!! Yea!!!
On a more serious note-we have hit the most horrible of developmental milestones full force. Temper Tantrums. I thought she was having them before--but man, what she does now is just awful. It scares me--she seriously tries to hurt herself. She throws herself on our (tile!!) floors and tries to bang her head, and slam her feet; she pinches & bites herself, AND pulls her own hair!! Not to mention the SCREAMING!!! I feel so bad-- I don't know what to do. When she gets like that I put her in her crib until she calms down (at least she is safe there)...other than that- I am lost. I feel like such a bad mommy some times. My husband is more of the type to let her do whatever so long as she does not scream and throw a fit. However; I cant do that. I stand my ground--then I pay for it!! I figure I would rather go threw it now than when she is a hormonal teenager. If anyone has any suggestions---PLEASE give them to me!!!

Me Fine Foundation

2006-04-24T19:53:00.000-04:00

i wanted to post the actual link to the Me Fine Organization homepage... the link from the post below is her journal about her son with some info on the organization but the following link is the main site:

http://www.mefinefoundation.org/

Thankful...

2006-04-24T16:20:00.000-04:00

Things are sorting themselves out on the homefront here...Our move adte is rapidly approaching--and I have YET to pack. I think I am in denial still..Oh well I guess I function better under pressure anyways..
We got a new minivan on Friday--Yes I said MINIVAN! Holy cow, I never thought of myself driving one of those...But I absolutely LOVE it!! Toyota Sienna rocks!! We are having the dvd player installed this Wednesday so our darling Sarah will be completely entertained on our drives to Walmart!!!
I follow alot of blogs that are caringbridge sites. Those are sites for parents who have critically ill children so they may keep their friends/families updated. It tugs at my heart everytime Iread them. But they keep me grounded. They let me truly appreciate what I have and overlook the spaghetti being thrown at my walls on a constant basis. I have decided at least once a week I want to post a link to one of those sites; so we all may be reminded that tommorrow is NOT a guarantee--and how quickly our lives could change. The first one I am posting is a site of a mom who lost her son to cancer. She took her pain and started a nonprofit organization to help OTHER families with terminal/critical children. Me Fine organization is a charity that I wholly believe in...In fact I am starting a box to send to them right now--they need constant donations of everything. From toilet paper to bleach to walmart cards to phone cards--with 100% of everything going to families who need them. Check it out. Click on journal history to read everything she has posted including the journey of ehr son Folden Lee II...
http://www3.caringbridge.org/nc/folden/

Wow...

2006-04-15T22:07:00.000-04:00

two posts in one day!!! I am on a roll again!!!

Here are Sarahs Easter pics taken last month at 19 months...

Im still here... :-)

2006-04-15T10:51:00.000-04:00

This past week has been a whirlwind of doctors & testing..So far all tests are coming back normal!! Thank god!! The only thing that comes close to explaining what is going on with me is Reflux. Yep. Nothing like acid corroding your throat so bad it swells shut. I had an appointment with my ENT (ear, nose &throat doc) and he put the camera down my throat and nose. *GAG*. I told him he is lucky I cant eat or his shoes would have been decorated with my lunch that day!! So now I am on nexxium. It seems to be working so far!! On that note; I would like to say THANK GOD I HAVE INSURANCE!!! That little purple pill was almost $300 for a month supply!! So I am hoping by the end of next week I will be able to eat like a normal person without choking everytime I *try* to swallow. It seriously took me over an HOUR to eat a tiny 3 inch quesedilla (sp?) the other night.. Sarah is doing good. She continues to amaze me everyday. I do not know what I would do without her. She has been absolutely obsessed with potty training lately...she is 20 months old (18months corrected age) so I was hoping to wait until she was closer to 2 years old before we started this...It is ridiculous. Her school WILL NOT do anything with potty training until she is in the 2 year old room. So I was trying to save her from the confusion; but I dont think that is gonna happen!! Her vocabulary is getting better everyday. Last night I let her lay in bed with me for a little bit (bad I know!!!) but I could nt help it--she is so darn cuddily lately. SHe kept putting her little arm over me and saying "oh Mummy". It just melts my heart!!!

As promised---

2006-04-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

Well things sure have hectic on my homefront lately. Our closing date for our house is about a month away--but it seems I have accumulated alot more "stuff" than I previously thought I had. So we have been sorting, shuffling and packing items away that we dont use on a daily basis. My garbage men must hate me. Each week our pile is bigger than the last. It is only a matter of time before they strike on us--I am sure of it!!
Work has been--well--work...I normally really enjoy my job; but this week was a little much for me. One of my patients almost died with me there. As sad as it is--I have seen plenty of people die--I am a nurse. But I made a switch to Pediatrics a bit ago--and this was my first experience with a 3 year old almost dying. Whew--it was hard. Very hard. The mommy in me made me freeze for a moment--which is not good. Thankfully the nurse in me kicked right in and took care of the situation. My heart ached for the mother. Her child is terminally ill to begin with but I dont think you are EVER prepared to let your child go. I had tears in my eyes when it was done--I almost had to walk out of the room afterward. I managed to get control of my emotions though. I can honestly say; the day I dont have tears in my eyes for a child who almost or does die, is the day I quit.
Sarah is growing leaps and bounds. Everyday there is a new word it seems. She is still a little bit behind; but not much. She is such a good girl. This time change has definately got her confused. It seems she believes if it is daylight then it is not time for bed. Oh well!!!
I have an MRI scheduled for tommorrow. It seems my body is officially falling apart. For the past 5 days I have had a wierd tightness in my throat. Making it difficult to swallow, I have a hard time eating and drinking anything. I pray it is nothing serious. And of course the feeling like I am being strangled does nothing for my panic attacks I have been having since I almost died of a medication reaction on March 1st....Please keep me in your prayers!!!
Well I guess that about does it for now--talk to you guys soon!!!

Tommorrow...

2006-04-04T22:36:00.000-04:00

I promise I will post an update!!! I have been super busy with selling our house, work, and with Sarah of course--After the beginning of May my schedule will be alot more open...I have been having some health issues also-but I will get to that tommorrow evening...Take care!!

Adoption Books

2006-03-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

I found myself at Barns & Noble yesterday. I was trying to find a book about Fostering to Adopt. There were none. So I went over to the childrens section and the only book about adoption they had was "Tell me again" by Jamie Lee Curtis. Which of course does not pertain to foster to adopt. I was so disappointed. Surely; I thought someone had broached this subject. But I guess not. So I am now vaguely entertaning the thought of writing a childrens book about being adopted through foster care. Sounds like a project for this summer. I used to love to write and I was pretty good at it once upon a time. So we'll see......
Other than that things have been pretty much status quo. Our closing on our house is May 9th. We have been making taking trips to the storage unit trying to get ready. It will be tight. We have to be moved out on the 8th which is the earliest day we can get into our new apartment!! Talk about a crunch. But I dont want to think about that now!!
Baby S is getting big--almost 20 months old. And boy--we have started the temper tantrums!! Sheesh! I was hoping for another 4 months of truce but I guess she has other plans!!
So I have decided to stop calling her Baby S. She is my daughter finally. I feel comfortable enough using her real first name. Sarah. My princess.

2006-03-21T19:28:00.000-05:00

I just love freebies--dont you??? A friend of mine sent me an email with links to all kinds of FREE things for parents & expectant parents!! I love the charmin potty training kit--too cool. http://www.charmin.com/en_us/pages/offers_pttraining.shtml

here is the link for the full page of freebies:
http://www.justfreestuff.com/babies.html

if any one else has any good link for free things let me know!!! You'd be amazed at some of the things I can get for free....diapers...wipes....motrin....all kinds of goodies!!!

Guess What?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

2006-03-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

We had an offer on our house yesterday!!! Today we accepted!! Yea us!!! Im soo excited. Our house was only on the market for 9 days. So lets all just keep our fingers crossed that nothing comes up that would sour the deal!!! It is such perfect timing! Our closing is the day after we move out of the house!! We are going to rent a huge apartment our last year in Florida--the maintenance free lifestyle...Then at least we won't have to worry about a house for this years' hurricane season--which is quickly approaching!!!
Speaking of hurricane season--I am not looking forward to it at all (not like I ever did anyways). But ever since we were hit with Charley I have panic attacks when one gets close. Panic attacks + toddler= useless mommy syndrome
I don't know what is wrong with me. Ever since I had my *near* death experience over antibiotics on March 1st; I have a damn attack every time I swallow a pill. Doesn't matter what pill it is--even if i have taken those particular kind like a million times before. I have a doctors appointment tommmorrow. I dont want anxiety meds;I just want to be allergy tested for every single substance on earth---thats not too much to ask is it???? Hopefully the doctor doesn't think so...

Errrrrrrrrrrr......

2006-03-18T12:11:00.000-05:00

I am frustrated!!! I need to seriously vent--so I will apologize in advance. My SIL. Wow. What a piece of work. She is one of those people who "know" everything. Even though she is 24 years old. Ok, now granted I am only like 5 years older than her; but OMG!!!! She drives me insane.
She believes she is the best mother in the world. That she has raised a prodigy. Ok reality check. Her son is satans' spawn. Seriously. Mean, rude, he cusses, he hits, he is stingy, and bad bad bad!!!!!! Yeah I know he is technically my nephew; but I hate to say it: I do not like him. It is not really his fault. It is the way his mother raised him. She, of course, blames everything (one) but herself. Uhh--HELLO!!! If you scream and cuss at your children and call them a "jerk"; "bastard" and such; chances are he will be saying the same things!!! But what would I know right??? According to her; her son is older than my daughter so obviously she KNOWS more about parenting than me!!!!
I don't even like my daughter around them at all. My SIL is one of those jealous types. If she gets or has something no one else does; then that is all you hear about. But for instance, when I try to talk to her about us selling our house and building a new one; she cuts me off & makes an excuse to get off of the phone. She is a renter who will never in her natural life have a house because they chose to spend spend spend. She is just so darn competitive it makes me sick. Over petty shit no less. She is even jealous that my husband and I have a little girl. Yes. Thats what I said. She is jealous I have a daughter and she has a son. She always wanted a little girl; after we brought Baby S home; SIL would not answer her phone for like 6 months!!! I cant wait to move far far far away from these people....................

Hilarious...Ahh the 80's

2006-03-14T19:40:00.000-05:00

You know you grew up in the 80's if......

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE."
You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" and can do the "Carlton."
Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
Two words: Hammer Pants.
You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
You wore stone washed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
L.A.Gear....need I say more?
You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona Quimby books.
You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF." (Restin peace...)
You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (Some of us...head-to-toe, not to mention matching!!)
You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks lifted.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes (and probably in neon colors, too. Can you say STINKY FEET!!).
After you saw "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?
You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up."
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
You have played with a Skip-It.
You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
"Don't worry, be happy."
You wore, like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
You wore socks scrunched down and sometimes still do.
You remember boom boxes.
You remember Alf, the li'l furry brown alien from Melmac.
You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
You know all the words to Bon Jovi's "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART."
You just sang those words to yourself.
You remember watching Magic vs. Bird. Oh yeah............it will never be that good again.
Homemade Levi shorts... (The shorter the better.)
You remember when mullets were cool!
You had a mullet!
You still sing "We are the World."
You tight rolled your jeans.
You owned a banana clip.
You remember "Where's the Beef?
You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

You're still singing "Shot through the Heart" in your head, aren't you!!!?

Homecoming Part 3: First visit with Biodad

2006-03-11T09:37:00.000-05:00

So we had our first meeting at McDonalds. Biodad brought Little Boy R and his stepmother with him. It was the first time he had seen Baby S since she was born and she was about 4 weeks old. She already had her apnea monitor by then. We sat and talked for awhile. Baby S started to get hungry and I asked the biodad if he would like to feed her. He was nervous holding her since she was so tiny but he did feed her for a bit until Little Boy R started to get jealous and wanted to go outside and play. So the stepmom took over the feeding. The stepmom was very nice and understanding. She told me all kinds of things. Basically her and her husband did not believe the biodad would be able to care for the baby. I took that moment to mention that my husband and I would of course be interested in adopting Baby S if that was ever an option. I figured I had nothing to lose by mentioning it; and everything to gain.
She told me that they were unable to take Baby S also. Its not that they were not able to; but that it was a lifestyle choice for them. Our visit lasted about an hour. Biodad thanked me for taking good care of the baby and he said he was glad that we had her. It was the next to last time he saw her before they signed the TPR 3 months later.

Stages

2006-03-10T10:08:00.000-05:00

It seems Baby S has hit a new *stage*!!! One I like to call the "jumping bean" stage. Consisting of her pretty much jumping on the most unsafe & unsturdy object on the ground and giving Mommy a panic attack--Only moments later to wobble and jump to the hard tile floor using her Kamikaze style moves. Man I hope this passes quick.
Yesterday Baby S had a pulmonology appointment; where she was *officially* diagnosed as an asthmatic. Inhalers and Nebulizers oh my!!! She was *such* a big girl at the doctors office. She sat in her own seat in the waiting room and behaved VERY well for being 19 months old. So we get home and I was trying to explain all the meds and treatments to my husband--bless his heart..He says "this ahh seems like a medical condition..." Well--DUH!!! He means well, but he is not medically inclined in the least. Baby S did very well so far with her inhaler; we have to give it to her twice a day.
Our house was *officially* on the market as of yesterday also. The sign is in our front yard!! Please pray for us that it sells quickly!!! I think it will do good; great house and very reasonably priced for our neighborhood..I am soooo glad we built it when we did.
It still feels wierd to be done with DCF regarding Baby S. It is like I keep expecting to hear from them to set up a visit to come to see her. I feel alot better about the placement we turned down. I mean I know it is our right to say yes or no; but I still felt bad about it. I felt like I was letting the little girl down..I WISH I could take them all. I really do. If I could; I would have a big ranch overflowing with children....I'm sure one day in the future we will adopt another one. I'm just not sure the route we will take.