Telling your child they are adopted

I knew right from the beginning that being anything but 100% honest with Sarah about her birth was not acceptable.

I knew the statistics that said children who find out later in life that they were adopted struggle. They feel betrayed, ungrounded, and angry.

My plan was to talk to Sarah from the very beginning about her adoption. I told her she grew in my heart, not my belly. At the time, for a toddler there were no questions. She accepted my explanation of her existence with certainty.

Now as Sarah is getting ready to turn seven, the story of her birth has grown. She knows she grew in another womens belly. She knows the first name of that woman. She knows her daddy and I took her home from the hospital.

I know the older she gets the questions will get harder to answer. I know one day she will look at me and think that I am not "really" her mother. But as I look into her eyes now as she asks me about the belly she grew in, I know I made the right decision. It is her history and she has a right to know how she came to be.

I feel as though I am in more of a grey area because she was adopted through foster care. How much do I share? Will she be devestated? Will she think less of me because her biological parents did not intend to relinquish their child?

Only time will tell. I know that she will never doubt our love for her. I know she will grow up safe and secure and have every opportunity available to her that might not have been otherwise.

46 Months

Inching closer to the big "4". I still cant believe it.

This past month has had its ups and downs. You are growing fast. The things that come out of your mouth never cease to amaze me. Your sense of humor is developing too. You like to pull "tricks" and tell jokes. The silly faces- oh boy.

You are developing an artistic side. You love to color and draw and take pictures with my camera. You know what? You take really nice pictures too. It is nice to see things how you see them- through your eyes.

The ABC song is easy for you- you even try to sing it backwards, You know all the words to our special bedtime song and sing it with me.

Your appetite is growing too- no longer are you as picky with your food. We went from only 5 things you would eat, to- maybe 7??? LOL. Pickles still being your favorite.

You still dont like to clean up your toys when I ask you to. You say "your arms are broken" which is funny cause you seem to use them just fine after the mess is cleaned or you get in trouble.

We took you fishing for the first time ever a few weekends ago. Your still too much of a social butterfly to be able to sit quietly for long and wait for the fish. Oh- and you only wanted to catch 'little' fish NOT 'big' fish. I'll never forget the first time you reeled in your line and you saw the worm and said "Look mom- I caught a WORM!!!- a big WORM!!!!- I have to show Daddy my new worm-he can sleep in my room..."

Life is so fun with you. You inspire me each and every day to be a better person than the day before...I love you....

Mommy

Frustrations

That is the place I am in right now. I. Am. So. FRUSTRATED!!! LOL. It does feel better to get that out!!

Sorry for the lack of posting- except for the recipes- but I have been quiet. Quiet for me is normally a bad thing.

Sigh-my cousin and her two boys are still living with me. It is hard. Really hard. So hard in fact that I am looking longingly out my sunroom window wishing it was more than 10 feet off the ground so I could jump...well maybe Im being a
tad over dramatic now.

They are messy, loud, disrespectful, and have an utter disregard for peoples' belongings. My cousin is no better. She takes the easy way out by ignoring their bad behavior-which makes me seem super mean because I refuse to ignore and DO discipline them.

They are mean to my daughter- which I have no tolerance for. They take her toys and wont let with them. The eight year old is the worst. He has ADHD and no amount of medication seems to make a difference.

I hate to say it- but I am going to have to ask them to leave. Soon. Really soon. Otherwise my mental health might not be able to take it!!!

Date Night

My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years.

That is a long time.

A really long time.

So time in fact, I think; you begin to lose some of who you were "before" marriage. You start to blend into a being who ends up just coexisting with each other- not realizing the gap developing. Until you suddenly open your eyes one day- and your like 'Oh shit, who the hell is this person sleeping next to me???'

I think thats the road we were headed down. We both have been busy, with work, with our daughter and with ourselves. We were neglecting our marriage though. We were slipping away as best friends.

So we decided to take time out of our schedules and be spontaneous- however for us being 'spontaneous' requires a date and time on the calendar....We are now trying weekly date nights. Last night was our first one and we went BOWLING!!!

I had such a good time. It literally has been a decade since I had went bowling last. I lost horribly- but we had so much fun. Of course Im sure the alcohol helped us along. We have plans to go back next Wednesday.

I know this cant solve all of our problems but I think I might at least get my best friend back.....

Ineffective Parenting

Boy- I think the name of this post pretty much sums up how I feel. Im tired and frustrated and feel as though my parenting skills stink lately.

Sarah is 3 1/2. A fireball of stubborn energy throwing temper tantrums at me left and right. Barely giving me time to recover from one tantrum before she spirals into another one. I dont know what else to do. I feel as though I have "tried" everything as far as discipline and positive reinforcement to no avail.

She gets angry and grinds her teeth, screams, kicks, hits, bites, and throws things. Yikes. I know alot of it stems from her inability to effectively communicate her feelings/desires....But.....damn I dont even know what to say....I talk to her about her bad attitude and then I raise my voice that is normally followed by a time out- which normally ends with her kicking her walls and throwing things- then of course comes the kicking, hitting some more screaming and the occaisionaly biting. Speaking of biting she has never been a big biter until recently.

It always seems to end in the dreaded spanking. I hate spanking-strike that I loathe spanking her. I feel like a hypocrit- I tell her hiting is not nice but then I spank her when I have had enough- sending mixed signals to her... Sigh......
i especially feel guilty spanking or yelling sometimes because she is adopted, does that make sense? Anyon else feel like this? Any stories, thoughts or suggestions would be imensely appreciated.....