Telling your child they are adopted

I knew right from the beginning that being anything but 100% honest with Sarah about her birth was not acceptable.

I knew the statistics that said children who find out later in life that they were adopted struggle. They feel betrayed, ungrounded, and angry.

My plan was to talk to Sarah from the very beginning about her adoption. I told her she grew in my heart, not my belly. At the time, for a toddler there were no questions. She accepted my explanation of her existence with certainty.

Now as Sarah is getting ready to turn seven, the story of her birth has grown. She knows she grew in another womens belly. She knows the first name of that woman. She knows her daddy and I took her home from the hospital.

I know the older she gets the questions will get harder to answer. I know one day she will look at me and think that I am not "really" her mother. But as I look into her eyes now as she asks me about the belly she grew in, I know I made the right decision. It is her history and she has a right to know how she came to be.

I feel as though I am in more of a grey area because she was adopted through foster care. How much do I share? Will she be devestated? Will she think less of me because her biological parents did not intend to relinquish their child?

Only time will tell. I know that she will never doubt our love for her. I know she will grow up safe and secure and have every opportunity available to her that might not have been otherwise.

46 Months

Inching closer to the big "4". I still cant believe it.

This past month has had its ups and downs. You are growing fast. The things that come out of your mouth never cease to amaze me. Your sense of humor is developing too. You like to pull "tricks" and tell jokes. The silly faces- oh boy.

You are developing an artistic side. You love to color and draw and take pictures with my camera. You know what? You take really nice pictures too. It is nice to see things how you see them- through your eyes.

The ABC song is easy for you- you even try to sing it backwards, You know all the words to our special bedtime song and sing it with me.

Your appetite is growing too- no longer are you as picky with your food. We went from only 5 things you would eat, to- maybe 7??? LOL. Pickles still being your favorite.

You still dont like to clean up your toys when I ask you to. You say "your arms are broken" which is funny cause you seem to use them just fine after the mess is cleaned or you get in trouble.

We took you fishing for the first time ever a few weekends ago. Your still too much of a social butterfly to be able to sit quietly for long and wait for the fish. Oh- and you only wanted to catch 'little' fish NOT 'big' fish. I'll never forget the first time you reeled in your line and you saw the worm and said "Look mom- I caught a WORM!!!- a big WORM!!!!- I have to show Daddy my new worm-he can sleep in my room..."

Life is so fun with you. You inspire me each and every day to be a better person than the day before...I love you....

Mommy

45 Months

Sarah,
Yesterday you were 45 months old. I am absolutely amazed how quickly time continues to go by. Everyday a new part of you emerges. The bad habits are fading a bit and new ones are emerging. You are very headstrong and perhaps a bit on the stubborn side. You are so energetic and you make mommy tired just watching you run around!!! I swear I dont know how such a small little person, who eats next to nothing, can have as much energy as you do.

You wont let me clip your fingernails right now- you cry if I even attempt it. So tonight my sweet, mommy has to sneak into your room while you sleep to do it. And you know what is going to happen-when you wake up in the morning you will scream bloody murder that your nails are missing.

You love bedtime stories and that makes me happy to have that time with you. One book at bedtime quickly turns into 5. You have moved most of your books from your playroom to under your bed and always move them back there when I try to clean them up.

Your vocabulary is expanding by leaps and bounds and you learn new phrases everyday. One of the funniest is when you say " Oh...my...god" and when I get up from wherever I am sitting you quickly run to take my spot saying "I save your seat mommy and make it warm and comfy"

You are constantly testing our limits and trying to expan our boundaries. Mommy and Daddy are trying to work together better to direct you. You dont like being told 'No" and you think you are the boss..lol...

You love to chase Daddy and jump on his back hanging like a monkey. You think "Honk" is the funniest word on the planet. When you say it you erupt into a fit of giggles and end up making a snorting sound.

You tell us when you grow up you want to be a doctor. I know that you will probally change your mind a million times, but it secretly makes mommy very happy that you would possibly end up helping people like I do.

You are addicted to chocolate. SERIOUSLY addicted. So serious that I have to find clever ways to hide it around the house. And when you find it- your face becomes a sticky brown mess that extends all the way down the font side of your body.

I love you,

Mommy

Favorite Things

My daughter

Playing tag outside with my daughter

My family

Family movie night

Old houses

Reading her books at bedtime

Rainy Days

Going out with the girls...

Snuggling Gardening

Pepsi (cherry that is...)

Road trips

Shopping Quiet

Hearing her say,"I lub you mommy"

She is all I really need

Things are pretty much status quo on the home front...We are trying I guess to work things out. I am not really stressing over it though..After the initial shock wore off--I got used to it being just me and Sarah. I can manage alone. It doesn't scare me anymore. Sure sometimes it gets lonely. But time passes just the same. I have taken up trying to quilt in the evenings. LOL. I bought some stuff for it today and tonight I shall give it a go!! I also wanted to share a poem I wrote tonight about Sarah. It is not really that great--but I like it. I am trying to get some sort of creative juices flowing. I would really love to get into a groove to write a childrens book on adoption--since it is a topic hardly written about on a child level...we'll see.......


My heart was once broken

My heart was once broken-
Mommy didn’t know what to do…
There was nothing to fix it
Not even glue…

Daddy tried to make Mommy smile
He tried to make Mommy laugh…
He tried to make Mommy happy…
But nothing would last…

I felt like something was missing
Something not right…
Where- oh where could it be?
I wondered, as I looked out the window
One cold winter night…

A child it was
That I was yearning for;
To hug and to kiss
Forever and ever more..

The pitter patter
Of sweet little feet;
Where the sounds
I had wished for
To come and greet me-

O’ how happy
And sweet
Was the day I met you-
It was that moment,
My dreams;
All came true….

You filled my heart
With love so great
Healing my soul;
Sealing my fate…

I look around our house-
Everywhere I see-
Dollies and stickers,
And things to play tea..

Ribbons and Bows
And little girls shoes;
My heart was once broken-
Because I didn’t have you…