TA DA!!!!

Well it has been a long time.

I think i had lost my blogging mojo there for a bit. Not to mention I had forgotten my password for this site and it took awhile to sort out.

I am at the tail end of my vacation from work and feel a bit more revived...so here I am!!!

I have been browsing my links and I drastically need to update them- so if you would like me to list your site please leave the url in a comment and I will put it in!!

Congrats to everyones ADOPTIONS!!!!!! THAT IS FABULOUS!!! It is amazing to me that when I started the whole foster to adopt process--they told me "it will take YEARS possibly to adopt an infant-especially a caucasian one. It is VERY uncommon to do so." BUT look at all of us???? Its amazing!!!!

Whoa

Yes I realise I have been an extremely erractic of not totally absent blogger here lately. My apologies... Hopefully some of you still swing by here occaisionally...

Life has been busy. Too busy. I started working about 2 months ago. In a coronary care ICU. So that itself has been life altering. I work 4 days a week rotating day/night schedule, which totally bites.

Poor little Sarah has had a hard time with Mommy going back to work. Especially when I work nights---sometimes I dont get to see her for 3 days in a row....I hate that, but I love my job. It is very interesting and extremely fast paced. If anything it has been giving her more one on one daddy time.

The last few days here have been beautiful as far as the weather. In the low 70's... NO humidity...I had almost forgotten what it was like to breathe air that did not have 100% humidity...So we got alot of outside work done today...I started putzing around with my 2 gardens....Yes I said TWO gardens!!!! Its crazy. So far today we only planted scallions---but only because the previous owners seriously never even did any maintenance outside for the year they owned this place.. I got all of my things to plant the big garden after our neighbor rotatills (sp?) it...its that big..

Sarah has definately blossomed into a little chatter box...even though we still strain to understand her alot of the time. But at least she is making BIG progress. She will be 3 in August and is 29 pounds, 37.5 inches...my little green bean.

I am here

It has been forever and a day...and I apologize. I am still around...The move is done...everything is pretty much unpacked except for a rogue box here or there...I have Sarah enrolled in her new school which starts next week...I start my new job on 2/12---and I am soo excited about that.

I love my new house. It is awesome. It is big. The kitchen is enormous. The yard is massive---and fenced in!!! Shoot--I even have a pond now. I am definately NOT missing Florida. My husband is with me. Sigh. I dont think I have the energy to get into that subject just yet...Maybe tommorrow...

All in all I am very happy to be back where I grew up with my entire family here...Sarah gets to grow up now knowing her grandparents, uncle and cousins..I love it!!!I actually have babysitters now if I need to go do something!!! How cool is that?!?!?!?!

Hey there- hi there- hum there....

Sorry for the extremely long hiatus in posting...We have been busy litle beavers over here....We are home owners again!!! That's right!!! We closed on our new house last week and have been busy overseeing the renovations "by phone". Fun Fun Fun.

I love my new house!! I am going to have a blast with all my little projects once I actually get there....Speaking of that I will be moving 1200 miles a way in less than 3 weeks and have not packed a thing!!!!!! Talk about pressure!!!!

Sarah is fabulous. Growing like a weed. Talking up a storm. She is addicted to Dora, Blues Clues and Noddy (go figure on that one!). She is 2 years 3 months and is already up to my belly button...Yep I am a short person!!! But seriously this girl is going to be TALL!!!

She loves spaghetti with meat sauce!!! So far the only veggies she will eat on occaision are corn and broccoli....I buy Pediasure and give her one like every 3 days to help make up for all the nutritional things she is lacking in...We are STILL working on the potty training. She does fairly well. She sometimes forgets to go to the potty when she is running around naked and I find a little turd here or there...Not very amusing when it happens first thing in the morning BEFORE I put my contacts in!!!

I saw her today

Sarahs biomom. Walking down a busy road. At first I had to do a double take. I had thought she was living in a totally different town. I pulled a U-turn and checked her out again... Then---something overtook me. I pulled over about a block ahead of her....and waited....

When she got closer I got out of my car. She recognized me instantly. She ran over and gave me a hug. We started talking a mile a minute. It was amazing. She told me she is doing well--says she has been sober for almost a year. Gosh I hope so....I would love to believe that for her and Sarahs sake.

We chatted and caught up for at least 30 minutes. I got her new address. I gave her one of Sarahs school pictures from my wallet--and promised to send more next week.

Overall she looked good. She seems to be trying. I had Sarahs halloween costume in my backseat still and I showed it to her. It broke my heart when she asked to smell it. She wanted to see what Sarah smelled like she said. She talked alot about God. She told me before she had Sarah god had told her that she wasn't this babys mommy. She said when she first met me--she knew I was Sarahs mommy. She seems to dealing well with the loss of adoption--as well as anyone in her situation could I guess.

I knew it was fate that I happened to run into her. She has been on my mind constantly the last few weeks. I was having issues with closure of some sort. Every night Sarah and I have a bedtime routine. She has this waterglobe on her dresser with 2 angels inside. Every night I wind it up and ask Sarah to kiss the angels goodnight. Well her bio-maternal grandma died during Hurricane Charley--a few days after Sarah was born. So she never got to meet her. So kissing the angels is a way I was hoping to incorporate the story of her late grandma. But I did not know the womans name.. It was really bothering me. I subscribed to local newspapers archives hoping to find the name of her grandma--thinking it would be listed with Charley fatalities...Nope...

Today I found out her name was Delores. But she went by "Dee-Dee".
Now the truly amazing part of this story for me--Sarah has a pink teddy bear we bought her when she was in the hospital when she was 6 months old. We called him "mr Pinky" or "Pinky". When Sarah started to talk she renamed him...."Dee-Dee"....I really believe her grandma is here and looking out for her...there have been a few other things that have happened that make me think that--but regardless I think it is a precious link to her grandma....

Cypress Lake Park Florida

Sadness

We havn't heard anything about Sarah's biological parents for a long time now. Partly because we have a semi closed adoption due to safety issues..Partly because since we are no longer foster parents we are "out of the loop".

I frequently check our local county sherrifs website to "check up" on them to see if they have been in any more trouble...I thought all was going well.

Until I found out her bio mom is living in a different county now. Lo and behold she has been busy. According to that countys' website. I feel an indescribable amount of sadness over this. I had thought for awhile now that maybe she was getting her life together, that maybe she was trying....

I was hoping. But I am/was wrong. I guess I never will understand the power of addiction has over a person---especially when you lose a child to said addiction.

I know on some level she does love Sarah. But she does not have any of her three children. I can't imagine soemthing like an addiction having such a strong hold over me that I could not or would not be able to fight for my children.

I guess all I can do is pray for her. That she cleans up and makes a life for herself so that maybe someday Sarah will at least possibly know her. I am worried that she is in a downward spiral and it will eventually lead to her demise. I don't want to have to explain that to Sarah. I shouldn't have to explain to her that her bio mom chose that lifestyle indefinately...

I don't know. What do you guys think? How would you explain to your child that their biological parent chose that lifestyle over their children?? How?

Back to the Basics

Thats what I want to do.

When I originally started this blog--my goal was to write about our then pending adoption of our foster daughter...

Well that is done and over with...We are also no longer foster parents...We decided to let our license lapse after the adoption. We decided that we were blessed to have had such an awesome experience like we did-- that the chances of having an equally wrinkle free case come to us again was nil.

Plus add into the fact we were planning on moving 1200 miles away by the end of this year--continuing to be foster parents was looking less ideal.

So that kinda leaves me at a standstill with this blog as to what to write about...I don't plan on stopping this anytime soon...or ever actually...

I'm hoping to get more on track with me and my surroundings...I want to write about everything in my life...being a mommy and a wife is just a part of who I am.....So let's see how it goes

Well it seems to be that time again...

for a new tenant!!! This week I have chosen Bozettes' blog: Pictures from my world. Feel free to click on the link on the right to view it!! I wanted to feature something a little bit different than personal diary/blogs this time....This site has some really beautiful inspiring photos. I love photography. It is a natural relaxant for me. I love to see through anothers eyes for a different perspective...So if you would like to see some photos of nature, and landmarks I highly recommend you give it a little click!!!!

I think I am going to post a few snapshots of some nature scenes I have taken...Im inspired!!!

Full Circle

When we were going through the whole foster to adopt and adoption journey--I have to say we had the best caseworker. She was fabulous. She was a fairly new caseworker--but you would never guess it...

Well anyways-on Friday she had a c-section and had a baby boy!!! I am so happy for her and her husband...I went to see them about 2 hours after the birth and her son is adorable!! It brought back so many emotions for me.

The first time I met her--was in the very same hospital..only I was there with Sarah who was a newborn. It was amazing. I know she will be an awesome mommy!!!

Things are flying by here for us. We are under contract on a house up north. Hopefully the closng will be the third week of November...I even went to the furniture store today and ordered a new livingroom set and a beautiful big girl room for Sarah!! I am soooo excited!! So keep your fingers crossed for us that everything moves smoothly!!!

Frustrations of Mommyhood

I really try not to complain. I am blessed beyond blessed; if there is such a thing. Sometimes I feel as though: Who am I to complain??

All I ever wanted was to become a mommy. It didn't happen through conventional methods--we had to adopt. Which I am in perfect harmony with now.

To me that is all the more reason I feel like I shouldn't complain about being a mommy sometimes. I fought sooooo hard to be one. I begged and pleaded with God to be one. I have cried enough tears surely to fill an ocean to be one.

But yet I feel guilty for feeling frustrated with mommyhood sometimes. It is not easy. Kids are not easy. Marriage is not easy. I am only human right???!?

Sometimes I just wish I could have 5 minutes. Of peace. Of extra sleep. Of nothing to clean up. Of no laundry to be done. Of no one to feed. Just 5 minutes.

But I remember just over 2 years ago I would have given anything to have 5 minutes of noise, chaos, pitter patter of little feet---anything that meant I was a mommy.....

Ok OK OK!!! Soooo- who got one?!?!?!?!?!

Tickle me Elmo- TMX- that is?

I havn't read too much on other blogs about this little guy...

I can just imagine the chaos that is about to happen the moment Walmart announces they have them and people try to run each other over just to get one.....

Thats why I am pleased to announce that I already have one!!!! Woo Hoo!!! I was on the ball a few months ago while at Toys R Us and noticed you could pre-order one for only $10...

I havnt opened the box to peak or anything- besides its supposedly for Sarah-not me-right??

From what I saw online it is hilarious! Its amazing really--just like a little robot!!

Now onto my horrible mommy temptation.....Sarah is only 2--maybe I should just put this one on ebay a few weeks before christmas to sell for an outrageous amount of cash??? I mean its not like she would know right??? I could always buy her one after christmas when the novelty dies down a bit--she wouldnt notice...Do ya think!?!?!?!?

Besides as of right now they are going for like $90 on ebay....not bad for an initial $35 investment..Predicted to go for about $200-300 right before christmas...HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Costumes and such....

Ok so Halloween is fast approaching....I can't believe how this year has literally flown by....

So I was wondering what are you guys who have kids dressing them up as this year?!?!? Luckily Sarah is at an age where she has no real preference yet---so I get to indulge and pick out her costume... Probally the last year for her not wanting to pick... :-(

Her first Halloween she was a bunny, last year she was a ladybug and THIS year......drum roll please.......she shall be a CHICKEN!!! Thats right: bok-bok.

Of course if you ask her she thinks she is going to be a duck!!! Close enough I guess....

posted here are some pics of her trying on this years costume...

My new tenant.....Mamaritaville

It's been awhile since I took on a new tenant....So I thought I would start back with a bang and choose one that I could relate to and see myself bookmarking to read daily!!!

You can click on Mamaritavilles' link on the right and go directly to her website!!! Her latest post up is regarding the new controversial "drink" on the market that may or may not be spreading elsewhere in the good ole U.S of A.......Hmmmmmmmm

Other than that things are pretty much status quo..I made an offer on a house and the contract is supposed to be faxed to me tonight---I hope so because I already made an appointment for the home inspector for this Friday....Can you tell how anxious I am to get this ball rolling?!?!?!?

Then and now....

Tommorrow Sarah will be 26 months old. Believe it or not I am shocked by this little fact.

First of all; I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would actually become a mom. Years of suffering and treating infertility had pretty much erased all hope of that.

When I picked her up from the hospital--she was so tiny. Sooo tiny that I actually could not imagine her ever getting big and growing up...

I spent the day all alone with her today and it was fabulous. She talks alot (kinda---if you count all her gibberish) but she understands just about everything I say to her...we had little conversations all day long today!!!

Her newest "phrase" is "Clean up...put it away.." sounding more like "cween up poooot it ahhhhwaeeeeeeeeee"

Gosh she just makes me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I love it when she grabs my hand pulling me and yelling " come on come on"

I love how she knows how to play hide and seek--and half the time I really struggle to find her....

I love how she gives the biggest bear hugs I have ever had---alhough nearly suffocating me!!!

I have been definately feeling the tug on my heart for another child perhaps in another year or two...I would love another little girl...or a boy...lol...The past two years with Sarah have gone incredibly fast--I don't think Im ready to be done with only one child...sigh...

Yes I know I am a slacker... lol

Thank you guys for hanging in there!!! I have been on almost daily--checking in on everyone...but I have just felt like-- I don't know what to write...I have almost a million things going on...and yet as soon as I went to type- I hit a brick wall...

Sarah is doing good. She has had back to back to back ear infections lately and has been on antibiotics for alomst 1 month straight now. Yikes. I got her an appointment with an ENT doctor in a few weeks. So I am thinking if this continues---ear tubes here we come!!!!!

Oh and I have discovered a million and one concoctions to disguise medications once she started refusing to take any more meds with the dropper!!! I don't blame her. I am personally sick of giving her the medicine.

I have also been consumed with buying another house. 1200 miles away from where I live right now. Fun, fun, fun....let me tell you!!!

I just wanted to also say a big Congrats to Cindy , Tamara and Lisa!! I am soo happy you guys are on the path to permanency!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is simply spectacular!!!!

I also want to say to MamaKBear that I am soo sorry for all you are going through with yur mother in law and I will be praying for you and your family. It is an unbearable situation you guys are all in and you are doing an amazing job!!

"MY Mommy!!!!"

Everything is going good over here...Hope you all are doing well!!! Not much new to report--everything is pretty much status quo.

Sarah was sick yesterday at school with a fever. So she was sent home and I took her to the doctor. Turns out she has a nasty ear infection. Fun times let me tell you. So today she was not allowed back at school (school policy following an ill day) and I had to be at the hospital today for work...So my awesome friend watched her for me. Thank god for you Mary!!! Mary also watches a little 2 month old boy.

Well when I went to pick Sarah up a few hours ago--I decided to hold the baby. It has been soo long since I have held a little one. I miss it!!! Well little miss Sarah did NOT like that at all!!! She cried so hard her face was beet red. She tried climbing on my lap and wanted me to "get rid" of the baby....It just broke my heart!! I can only imagine what she was thinking!! Guess she does not like sharing her mommy!

Oh well...Im all hers!!

This and That

Things are going. Going good, going ok, just going. I have been pretty busy with the startup of fall classes. I have been busy with Sarah. Just busy. I have been checking the blogs daily though. I have truly meant to comment...I have just been at a loss of what to say anymore...lol...if any of you really knew me; you would realize how odd that is..

We have been trying to work on our marriage. It is hard--I will try not to sugar coat that. Hopefully the light is at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully. After almost 7 years of marriage it is easier sometimes to just let life glide by...until you wake up one morning and think: Who is that person laying next to me?!?!?!?! I guess that is in a nutshell what has happened to us. Sarah is my world. So I have been putting him on the back burner for quite sometime now..my bad...I know I have to make more time for us--Im working on it....

Now on to happier thoughts. Sarah. My beautiful bouncing ball of energy. It is AMAZING how quickly they grow. I love her little conversations. They almost make sense to me now!! She is tall and skinny...That is one thing I thank goodness for her biological parents for!!! At her 2 year doctor appt. she weighed in at 26 1/2 pounds, 34 1/2 inches....The doctor has an interesting equation: you take your childs height at the 2 yr visit and you multiple it by 2, and you should have a ballpark (plus or minus a few inches) of their full adult height...So my little bean should be around 5'8"-5'9"....lol.....that will be interesting considering I am only 5'4" (if I round up!!!).

I hate to "bring down" this post--but I was browsing through the news and came across this article:
http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.jsp?cat=DOMESTIC&fn=/2006/08/28/464730.html&cvqh=itn_toddler

It makes me absolutely sick. I will never understand why or how anyone could do that. I would love to be in charge of torturing these people. To make the matter worse; people like this give ALL foster parents a negative image. We all suffer the consequences when these sick bastards hurt children...Imagine the biological parents?? The state takes away your child and then something like that happens to them...I honestly hope that couple rots in hell....

She is all I really need

Things are pretty much status quo on the home front...We are trying I guess to work things out. I am not really stressing over it though..After the initial shock wore off--I got used to it being just me and Sarah. I can manage alone. It doesn't scare me anymore. Sure sometimes it gets lonely. But time passes just the same. I have taken up trying to quilt in the evenings. LOL. I bought some stuff for it today and tonight I shall give it a go!! I also wanted to share a poem I wrote tonight about Sarah. It is not really that great--but I like it. I am trying to get some sort of creative juices flowing. I would really love to get into a groove to write a childrens book on adoption--since it is a topic hardly written about on a child level...we'll see.......


My heart was once broken

My heart was once broken-
Mommy didn’t know what to do…
There was nothing to fix it
Not even glue…

Daddy tried to make Mommy smile
He tried to make Mommy laugh…
He tried to make Mommy happy…
But nothing would last…

I felt like something was missing
Something not right…
Where- oh where could it be?
I wondered, as I looked out the window
One cold winter night…

A child it was
That I was yearning for;
To hug and to kiss
Forever and ever more..

The pitter patter
Of sweet little feet;
Where the sounds
I had wished for
To come and greet me-

O’ how happy
And sweet
Was the day I met you-
It was that moment,
My dreams;
All came true….

You filled my heart
With love so great
Healing my soul;
Sealing my fate…

I look around our house-
Everywhere I see-
Dollies and stickers,
And things to play tea..

Ribbons and Bows
And little girls shoes;
My heart was once broken-
Because I didn’t have you…

In other news.....

Today Sarah had a speech evaluation done. I knew she was a bit delayed in her speech. I was not prepared for exactly how delayed they say she is.

First of all; Sarah was 8 weeks premature. She has always been behind in something. When she was 5 months old we attended physical therapy 2x a week for 6 months--related to torti colis (neck contracture) and other weakness issues...with time all of her issues resolved and she graduated.

One of the problems we knew we would encounter is "how" they grade for developmental milestones. When you have a preemie; they always adjust their age to determine how level evelopmentally they are on. Until that is--the child hit the age of 24 months. Then they do not adjust for age anymore. So basically, you can have a normal 20 month old child whose adjusted age is 18 months--and they are doing everything NORMAL for being an 18 month old technically....THEN you hit 24 months---and your child is automatically "delayed". They are considered to be able to be on par with other normal 24 month olds. And that just sucks.

So they tell me today---Sarah's language skills are estimated to be on the level of a 16 month old. ??????? Really??? I knew she was behind, but---really?????

I am so sad. I did not think she would be that far behind. I mean she talks. She uses words appropriately. But she doesnt seem to have the vocabulary a "normal" 2 year old should have.....

So onto speech therapy we are heading....it will take about 2-3 weeks to get everything arranged and approved. Then it look like 2-4 tmes a week for 30 minutes we will be in therapy...I'm just glad to get this resolved before she is school aged.... It just doesn't seem fair sometimes though......