Cypress Lake Park Florida

Sadness

We havn't heard anything about Sarah's biological parents for a long time now. Partly because we have a semi closed adoption due to safety issues..Partly because since we are no longer foster parents we are "out of the loop".

I frequently check our local county sherrifs website to "check up" on them to see if they have been in any more trouble...I thought all was going well.

Until I found out her bio mom is living in a different county now. Lo and behold she has been busy. According to that countys' website. I feel an indescribable amount of sadness over this. I had thought for awhile now that maybe she was getting her life together, that maybe she was trying....

I was hoping. But I am/was wrong. I guess I never will understand the power of addiction has over a person---especially when you lose a child to said addiction.

I know on some level she does love Sarah. But she does not have any of her three children. I can't imagine soemthing like an addiction having such a strong hold over me that I could not or would not be able to fight for my children.

I guess all I can do is pray for her. That she cleans up and makes a life for herself so that maybe someday Sarah will at least possibly know her. I am worried that she is in a downward spiral and it will eventually lead to her demise. I don't want to have to explain that to Sarah. I shouldn't have to explain to her that her bio mom chose that lifestyle indefinately...

I don't know. What do you guys think? How would you explain to your child that their biological parent chose that lifestyle over their children?? How?

Back to the Basics

Thats what I want to do.

When I originally started this blog--my goal was to write about our then pending adoption of our foster daughter...

Well that is done and over with...We are also no longer foster parents...We decided to let our license lapse after the adoption. We decided that we were blessed to have had such an awesome experience like we did-- that the chances of having an equally wrinkle free case come to us again was nil.

Plus add into the fact we were planning on moving 1200 miles away by the end of this year--continuing to be foster parents was looking less ideal.

So that kinda leaves me at a standstill with this blog as to what to write about...I don't plan on stopping this anytime soon...or ever actually...

I'm hoping to get more on track with me and my surroundings...I want to write about everything in my life...being a mommy and a wife is just a part of who I am.....So let's see how it goes

Well it seems to be that time again...

for a new tenant!!! This week I have chosen Bozettes' blog: Pictures from my world. Feel free to click on the link on the right to view it!! I wanted to feature something a little bit different than personal diary/blogs this time....This site has some really beautiful inspiring photos. I love photography. It is a natural relaxant for me. I love to see through anothers eyes for a different perspective...So if you would like to see some photos of nature, and landmarks I highly recommend you give it a little click!!!!

I think I am going to post a few snapshots of some nature scenes I have taken...Im inspired!!!

Full Circle

When we were going through the whole foster to adopt and adoption journey--I have to say we had the best caseworker. She was fabulous. She was a fairly new caseworker--but you would never guess it...

Well anyways-on Friday she had a c-section and had a baby boy!!! I am so happy for her and her husband...I went to see them about 2 hours after the birth and her son is adorable!! It brought back so many emotions for me.

The first time I met her--was in the very same hospital..only I was there with Sarah who was a newborn. It was amazing. I know she will be an awesome mommy!!!

Things are flying by here for us. We are under contract on a house up north. Hopefully the closng will be the third week of November...I even went to the furniture store today and ordered a new livingroom set and a beautiful big girl room for Sarah!! I am soooo excited!! So keep your fingers crossed for us that everything moves smoothly!!!

Frustrations of Mommyhood

I really try not to complain. I am blessed beyond blessed; if there is such a thing. Sometimes I feel as though: Who am I to complain??

All I ever wanted was to become a mommy. It didn't happen through conventional methods--we had to adopt. Which I am in perfect harmony with now.

To me that is all the more reason I feel like I shouldn't complain about being a mommy sometimes. I fought sooooo hard to be one. I begged and pleaded with God to be one. I have cried enough tears surely to fill an ocean to be one.

But yet I feel guilty for feeling frustrated with mommyhood sometimes. It is not easy. Kids are not easy. Marriage is not easy. I am only human right???!?

Sometimes I just wish I could have 5 minutes. Of peace. Of extra sleep. Of nothing to clean up. Of no laundry to be done. Of no one to feed. Just 5 minutes.

But I remember just over 2 years ago I would have given anything to have 5 minutes of noise, chaos, pitter patter of little feet---anything that meant I was a mommy.....

Ok OK OK!!! Soooo- who got one?!?!?!?!?!

Tickle me Elmo- TMX- that is?

I havn't read too much on other blogs about this little guy...

I can just imagine the chaos that is about to happen the moment Walmart announces they have them and people try to run each other over just to get one.....

Thats why I am pleased to announce that I already have one!!!! Woo Hoo!!! I was on the ball a few months ago while at Toys R Us and noticed you could pre-order one for only $10...

I havnt opened the box to peak or anything- besides its supposedly for Sarah-not me-right??

From what I saw online it is hilarious! Its amazing really--just like a little robot!!

Now onto my horrible mommy temptation.....Sarah is only 2--maybe I should just put this one on ebay a few weeks before christmas to sell for an outrageous amount of cash??? I mean its not like she would know right??? I could always buy her one after christmas when the novelty dies down a bit--she wouldnt notice...Do ya think!?!?!?!?

Besides as of right now they are going for like $90 on ebay....not bad for an initial $35 investment..Predicted to go for about $200-300 right before christmas...HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Costumes and such....

Ok so Halloween is fast approaching....I can't believe how this year has literally flown by....

So I was wondering what are you guys who have kids dressing them up as this year?!?!? Luckily Sarah is at an age where she has no real preference yet---so I get to indulge and pick out her costume... Probally the last year for her not wanting to pick... :-(

Her first Halloween she was a bunny, last year she was a ladybug and THIS year......drum roll please.......she shall be a CHICKEN!!! Thats right: bok-bok.

Of course if you ask her she thinks she is going to be a duck!!! Close enough I guess....

posted here are some pics of her trying on this years costume...

My new tenant.....Mamaritaville

It's been awhile since I took on a new tenant....So I thought I would start back with a bang and choose one that I could relate to and see myself bookmarking to read daily!!!

You can click on Mamaritavilles' link on the right and go directly to her website!!! Her latest post up is regarding the new controversial "drink" on the market that may or may not be spreading elsewhere in the good ole U.S of A.......Hmmmmmmmm

Other than that things are pretty much status quo..I made an offer on a house and the contract is supposed to be faxed to me tonight---I hope so because I already made an appointment for the home inspector for this Friday....Can you tell how anxious I am to get this ball rolling?!?!?!?

Then and now....

Tommorrow Sarah will be 26 months old. Believe it or not I am shocked by this little fact.

First of all; I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would actually become a mom. Years of suffering and treating infertility had pretty much erased all hope of that.

When I picked her up from the hospital--she was so tiny. Sooo tiny that I actually could not imagine her ever getting big and growing up...

I spent the day all alone with her today and it was fabulous. She talks alot (kinda---if you count all her gibberish) but she understands just about everything I say to her...we had little conversations all day long today!!!

Her newest "phrase" is "Clean up...put it away.." sounding more like "cween up poooot it ahhhhwaeeeeeeeeee"

Gosh she just makes me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I love it when she grabs my hand pulling me and yelling " come on come on"

I love how she knows how to play hide and seek--and half the time I really struggle to find her....

I love how she gives the biggest bear hugs I have ever had---alhough nearly suffocating me!!!

I have been definately feeling the tug on my heart for another child perhaps in another year or two...I would love another little girl...or a boy...lol...The past two years with Sarah have gone incredibly fast--I don't think Im ready to be done with only one child...sigh...

Yes I know I am a slacker... lol

Thank you guys for hanging in there!!! I have been on almost daily--checking in on everyone...but I have just felt like-- I don't know what to write...I have almost a million things going on...and yet as soon as I went to type- I hit a brick wall...

Sarah is doing good. She has had back to back to back ear infections lately and has been on antibiotics for alomst 1 month straight now. Yikes. I got her an appointment with an ENT doctor in a few weeks. So I am thinking if this continues---ear tubes here we come!!!!!

Oh and I have discovered a million and one concoctions to disguise medications once she started refusing to take any more meds with the dropper!!! I don't blame her. I am personally sick of giving her the medicine.

I have also been consumed with buying another house. 1200 miles away from where I live right now. Fun, fun, fun....let me tell you!!!

I just wanted to also say a big Congrats to Cindy , Tamara and Lisa!! I am soo happy you guys are on the path to permanency!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is simply spectacular!!!!

I also want to say to MamaKBear that I am soo sorry for all you are going through with yur mother in law and I will be praying for you and your family. It is an unbearable situation you guys are all in and you are doing an amazing job!!