Friday, December 19, 2008

Im here...

Still. I honestly am on here everyday checking everyones blogs but I havnt had the will power todo anything with mine. Lots of new stuff. The most important, our family is doing good. Sarah continues to grow and amaze me each and every day.

I need to post more...I do...I have so much frustrations built up I seriously need to get them out somewhere...even if no one reads here

Thursday, June 12, 2008

FIF: Alaksa Salmon bake with Pecan Crunch Coating

3 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons butter, melted
5 teaspoons honey
1/2 cup fresh bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
3 teaspoons chopped fresh parsley
6 (4 ounce) fillets salmon
salt and pepper to taste
6 lemon wedges

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). In a small bowl, mix together the mustard, butter, and honey. In another bowl, mix together the bread crumbs, pecans, and parsley.
Season each salmon fillet with salt and pepper. Place on a lightly greased baking sheet. Brush with mustard-honey mixture. Cover the top of each fillet with bread crumb mixture.
Bake for 10 minutes per inch of thickness, measured at thickest part, or until salmon just flakes when tested with a fork. Serve garnished with lemon wedges

Sunday, June 08, 2008

46 Months

Inching closer to the big "4". I still cant believe it.

This past month has had its ups and downs. You are growing fast. The things that come out of your mouth never cease to amaze me. Your sense of humor is developing too. You like to pull "tricks" and tell jokes. The silly faces- oh boy.

You are developing an artistic side. You love to color and draw and take pictures with my camera. You know what? You take really nice pictures too. It is nice to see things how you see them- through your eyes.

The ABC song is easy for you- you even try to sing it backwards, You know all the words to our special bedtime song and sing it with me.

Your appetite is growing too- no longer are you as picky with your food. We went from only 5 things you would eat, to- maybe 7??? LOL. Pickles still being your favorite.

You still dont like to clean up your toys when I ask you to. You say "your arms are broken" which is funny cause you seem to use them just fine after the mess is cleaned or you get in trouble.

We took you fishing for the first time ever a few weekends ago. Your still too much of a social butterfly to be able to sit quietly for long and wait for the fish. Oh- and you only wanted to catch 'little' fish NOT 'big' fish. I'll never forget the first time you reeled in your line and you saw the worm and said "Look mom- I caught a WORM!!!- a big WORM!!!!- I have to show Daddy my new worm-he can sleep in my room..."

Life is so fun with you. You inspire me each and every day to be a better person than the day before...I love you....


Friday, June 06, 2008


That is the place I am in right now. I. Am. So. FRUSTRATED!!! LOL. It does feel better to get that out!!

Sorry for the lack of posting- except for the recipes- but I have been quiet. Quiet for me is normally a bad thing.

Sigh-my cousin and her two boys are still living with me. It is hard. Really hard. So hard in fact that I am looking longingly out my sunroom window wishing it was more than 10 feet off the ground so I could jump...well maybe Im being a
tad over dramatic now.

They are messy, loud, disrespectful, and have an utter disregard for peoples' belongings. My cousin is no better. She takes the easy way out by ignoring their bad behavior-which makes me seem super mean because I refuse to ignore and DO discipline them.

They are mean to my daughter- which I have no tolerance for. They take her toys and wont let with them. The eight year old is the worst. He has ADHD and no amount of medication seems to make a difference.

I hate to say it- but I am going to have to ask them to leave. Soon. Really soon. Otherwise my mental health might not be able to take it!!!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

FIF: Parmesan Encrusted Chicken

1/2 cup finely crushed herb-seasoned stuffing mix
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 tablespoon Italian-style seasoning
3 tablespoons butter
6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
In a small shallow dish combine the stuffing mix, cheese, parsley, curry powder and seasoning. Mix together.
In an 8x11 inch baking dish, melt the butter/margarine in the microwave. Dip the chicken breasts in the stuffing mixture, coating both sides of each breast.
Place chicken in baking dish and sprinkle any leftover stuffing mixture over the chicken. Bake in the preheated oven for 20 minutes, then turn chicken pieces over and bake for another 20 to 25 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Enjoy!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Tea Biscuits

"A quick tea time treat. Serve warm, buttered, and with jam or honey."

2 cups all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shortening
3/4 cup milk


Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (205 degrees C). Grease a baking sheet.
Combine flour, baking powder, and salt. Cut shortening in until mixture has a fine crumb texture. Stir in milk with a fork to make a soft dough. Knead 8 to 10 times, and then roll out to a thickness of at least 1/2 inch. Cut into rounds with a cookie or biscuit cutter. Place on cookie sheet, and allow to rest for a few minutes.
Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. Serve warm.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Favorite Ingredients Friday: Applesauce pancakes

2 cups dry pancake mix
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 eggs
1 cup applesauce
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 cup milk

In a large bowl, stir together pancake mix and cinnamon. Make a well in the center of the pancake mix. Add the eggs, applesauce, lemon juice and milk; stir until smooth.
Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Date Night

My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years.

That is a long time.

A really long time.

So time in fact, I think; you begin to lose some of who you were "before" marriage. You start to blend into a being who ends up just coexisting with each other- not realizing the gap developing. Until you suddenly open your eyes one day- and your like 'Oh shit, who the hell is this person sleeping next to me???'

I think thats the road we were headed down. We both have been busy, with work, with our daughter and with ourselves. We were neglecting our marriage though. We were slipping away as best friends.

So we decided to take time out of our schedules and be spontaneous- however for us being 'spontaneous' requires a date and time on the calendar....We are now trying weekly date nights. Last night was our first one and we went BOWLING!!!

I had such a good time. It literally has been a decade since I had went bowling last. I lost horribly- but we had so much fun. Of course Im sure the alcohol helped us along. We have plans to go back next Wednesday.

I know this cant solve all of our problems but I think I might at least get my best friend back.....

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Autism: Signs & Symptoms

Signs and symptoms

In general, children with autism have problems in three crucial areas of development — social skills, language and behavior. The most severe autism is marked by a complete inability to communicate or interact with other people.

Because the symptoms of autism vary widely, two children with the same diagnosis may act quite differently and have strikingly different skills.

If your child has autism, he or she may develop normally for the first few months — or years — of life and then later become less responsive to other people, including you. You may recognize the following signs in the areas of social skills, language and behavior:

Social skills

Fails to respond to his or her name
Has poor eye contact
Appears not to hear you at times
Resists cuddling and holding
Appears unaware of others' feelings
Seems to prefer playing alone — retreats into his or her "own world"


Starts talking later than other children
Loses previously acquired ability to say words or sentences
Does not make eye contact when making requests
Speaks with an abnormal tone or rhythm — may use a singsong voice or robot-like speech
Can't start a conversation or keep one going
May repeat words or phrases verbatim, but doesn't understand how to use them

Performs repetitive movements, such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping
Develops specific routines or rituals
Becomes disturbed at the slightest change in routines or rituals
Moves constantly
May be fascinated by parts of an object, such as the spinning wheels of a toy car
May be unusually sensitive to light, sound and touch
Young children with autism also have a hard time sharing experiences with others. When someone reads to them, for example, they're unlikely to point at pictures in the book. This early-developing social skill is crucial to later language and social development.

As they mature, some children with autism become more engaged with others and show less marked disturbances in behavior. Some, usually those with the least severe impairments, eventually may lead normal or near-normal lives. Others, however, continue to have severe impairments in language or social skills, and the adolescent years can mean a worsening of behavior problems.

The majority of children with autism are slow to acquire new knowledge or skills. However, some children with autism have normal to high intelligence. These children learn quickly yet have trouble communicating, applying what they know in everyday life and adjusting in social situations. An extremely small number of children with autism are "autistic savants" and have exceptional skills in a specific area, such as art or math.

When to seek medical advice

Babies develop at their own pace, and many don't follow exact timelines found in some parenting books. But children with autism usually show some signs of delayed development by 18 months. If you suspect that your child may have autism, discuss your concerns with your doctor. The earlier treatment begins, the more effective it will be.

Your doctor may recommend further evaluation if your child:

Doesn't babble or coo by 12 months
Doesn't gesture — such as point or wave — by 12 months
Doesn't say single words by 16 months
Doesn't say two-word phrases by 24 months
Loses previously acquired language or social skills at any age

Monday, May 19, 2008


Our daughter is soon to be 4 years old. You know what that means right?!?!?!? Time for the endless.. "when you having/adopting another one?"

And the most nauseating comment in the world "When are you gonna GET another one????"....Children are human beings here people and cannot be "gotten", I mean like I can just go to the store and say "Oh-I'll take that one right over there..No..not that one....the one in the blue..." Come on. Where has peoples' sensitivity chip gone???

Honestly, we are content. Completely content. Sure- I see newborns and my heart jumps a little, i love smelling that newborn scent...but I feel we are complete. Sarah has made our family whole. She has already made our dreams come true.

On the foster care front- since we have moved to another state 1 1/2 years ago (can you believe how quick that went???) we have not been relicensed as foster parents. I am not planning to do so either. Our lives are busy and fulfilling and my stomach is done dealing with the state.

I am starting back to school again this fall. Not really wanting to- but I need to. It is something I need to do. The way prices are going up and up and up- I have to do somehting to bring in the big bucks...Ha

Speaking of bucks- I have made over $85.oo so far by signing up for RME (see button to right) and have safely and fee free transfered to my bank account!!! With our profits my cousin and I have decided to use the money to make homemade soaps-- Ic ant wait!!!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Asthma Warning Signs in children

******Another post I am posting over from my old wordpress blog- it has been getting recent searches and an its a good topic to read...

My daughter suffered from asthma when she was one- thankfully she outgrew it. Asthma is a very scary disease-especially if it is a new diagnosis for your child…..

Every child with asthma has a built-in early warning system that signals when symptoms are on the way. Those signals can be seen, heard, and felt. Every child has his or own pattern of signals. But parents and children can make keen observation a habit and learn how to recognize those patterns — the body’s messages to get going and head off those symptoms before they get bad.

Anxious or scared look
Cough, especially at night
Unusual paleness or sweating
Flared nostrils when the child tries to get some air
Pursed lips breathing
Fast breathing
Hunched-over body posture; the child can’t stand or sit straight and can’t relax
Restlessness during sleep
Fatigue and breathlessness
The notch just above the child’s Adam’s apple; when some children are having an asthma episode, this notch sinks in as they breathe in
Spaces between the ribs; these areas may sink in when the child breathes in

Coughing when the child has no cold
Clearing of the throat a lot
Irregular Breathing
Wheezing, however light
Noisy, difficult breathing

Put your ear to the child’s back and your hand on his or her chest. You’ll feel the chest go up as the child inhales, drawing in air, and you’ll feel the chest go down as the child exhales, releasing air.
Listen for squeaking or any unusual noises. They may mean asthma, bronchitis, or a chest infection. Only a doctor can tell for sure. So regard any noisy breathing as a signal that help may be necessary.
Note: If the child is having symptoms and there are no chest sounds, it’s a sign of a bad, fixed chest that requires medical attention. Call your doctor immediately.

Reassure the child by your tone of voice, your attitude of being able to manage and your confidence. All these qualities are catching. Your child will take cues from you and relax.
If the doctor has recommended a medicine when signals appear, use it. (Don’t give the child a special dose unless the doctor said to.)
Encourage normal fluid intake. Excessive fluid intake may be counter productive.

Help your child relax.
If you can find out what triggered the symptoms, remove it - or the child from the area.
Your experience and judgment can help you decide what further measures to take in addition to calling the doctor.

Having any one of these signs means medical care is needed. Call your doctor or get emergency medical care if your child exhibits any of these signs.
Wheeze, cough, or shortness of breath gets worse, even after the medicine has been given time to work. Most inhaled bronchodilator medications produce an effect within 5 to 10 minutes. Discuss the time your medicines take to work with your child’s doctor.
Child has a hard time breathing. Signs of this are:
Chest and neck are pulled or sucked in with each breath.
Struggling to breathe.
Child has trouble walking or talking, stops playing and cannot start again.
Peak flow rate gets lower, or does not improve after treatment with bronchodilators, or drops to 50 percent or less of your child’s personal best. Discuss this peak flow level with your child’s doctor.
Lips or fingernails are gray or blue. If this happens, GO TO A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER OR EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT AWAY!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I love this city

I used to hate it here. When I was growing up. Now that I have come back here I truly appreciate what this city has to offer. The shopping, the culture, the FOOD, the skyline views and about a million more things it has to offer that I never took advantage of growing up. Im so glad my daughter will have the opportunities I did not.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Favorite Ingredients Friday: Citrus Broiled Alaska Salmon

4 large oranges
8 (4 ounce) fillets salmon
2 teaspoons red wine vinegar
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 teaspoons cracked black pepper

Preheat the oven's broiler.
Slice, peel, and pith oranges; slice crosswise into 1/4 inch rounds. Season fillets with salt. Place salmon fillets on broiling pan.
Place the pan of fillets 4 to 6 inches from heat. Cook for 15 minutes under the preheated broiler, or 10 minutes per inch of thickness. Remove from broiler just before they are cooked through. Sprinkle with vinegar. Arrange orange rounds on top. Sprinkle with green onions and cracked black pepper. Broil 1 minute longer.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Heart Attack Signs and Symptoms

*** Had this post over at my wordpress blog and i decided to bring it over here since it was a popular search topic..

Heart Attack Warning SignsSome heart attacks are sudden and intense — the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help.

Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:
Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.
Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness

As with men, women's most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

Learn the signs, but remember this: Even if you're not sure it's a heart attack, have it checked out (tell a doctor about your symptoms). Minutes matter! Fast action can save lives — maybe your own. Don’t wait more than five minutes to call 9-1-1.

Calling 9-1-1 is almost always the fastest way to get lifesaving treatment. Emergency medical services (EMS) staff can begin treatment when they arrive — up to an hour sooner than if someone gets to the hospital by car. EMS staff are also trained to revive someone whose heart has stopped. Patients with chest pain who arrive by ambulance usually receive faster treatment at the hospital, too. It is best to call EMS for rapid transport to the emergency room.
If you can't access the emergency medical services (EMS), have someone drive you to the hospital right away. If you're the one having symptoms, don't drive yourself, unless you have absolutely no other option.

How do I know if a heart attack has occurred?

A doctor who's studied the results of several tests must diagnose a heart attack. The doctor will
review the patient's complete medical history.
give a physical examination.

Use an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG) to discover any abnormalities caused by damage to the heart. An ECG is a medical device that makes a graphical record of the heart's electrical activity.
sometimes use a blood test to detect abnormal levels of certain enzymes in the bloodstream.
Blood tests confirm (or refute) suspicions raised in the early stages of evaluation that may occur in an emergency room, intensive care unit or urgent care setting. These tests are sometimes called heart damage markers or cardiac enzymes.

*******As a cardiac ICU nurse our physicians always told patients after you call 911- take a 325mg asprin while waiting for the ambulance. Asprin is used as a blood thinner to help reduce the risks of blood clot forming in the cardiac vessels which would extend the area of damage from the heart attack. But you should review this with your own personal physician to make sure you are not contraindicated for asprin therapy

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Tax Rebate

Where are you? I have been obsessively checking my bank account 10 times a day-and you are no where to be found. Our check should have been here on the ninth....Hmmmmmm

I had to leave work a little early today- I had a massive headache that would not seem to go away. Its been along time since I had one of those. So I came home and laid down for a nap- when I woke up I looked at the clock and Sarahs daycare would be closing in 10 minutes!! I got there in the nick of time. I felt horrible- she was the last kid to be picked up. How sad. Guilty mommy here. She didnt seem to mind fortunately.

So when we get home she starts looking through a magazine I had gotten in the mail and proceeds to tell everything she wants to "buy". LOL. At this rate I am going to have to get a second job before she is a teenager.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


So I am completely exhausted, I guess 4 hours of sleep daily for over a month will do that to you. I just have too much to do at night it is really hard to get to bed earlier. It doesn't make it easier that my job starts at 0530 am.

Plus my cousin and her 2 boys are still with us and likely to be so for at least another month.

Calgon take me away!!!!!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mondays, blah...

I hope everyone had a really nice mothers day...I spent the day traveling from here to there and there to here. Im back at work today-blah.

I am already in vacation mode...only problem is that it is not for another 4 weeks....Ech.. I am so ready to relax and do nothing for 13 days. Well not exactly nothing- my baby chick will be arriving on 6/10 and then a few days later i am going to Boston-all-by-my-self!!!! Woo! Talk about excitement.Im only going for a few days though...

I wish the rain would stop!! Do you hear me Noah?? This is not the time for building arks! Dont you know that i have a garden to rotatill and plant? Landscaping to do? A chicken coop to build???

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Here Chickie Chickie...

So for the longest time now I have been wanting chickens, Yep. Thats right, I said chickens. Everyone thinks I am crazy for wanting "dirty disease ridden birds". Well let me tell you a little secret-chickens are dirty, if you dont clean up after them.

I have done alot of research on them and how to take care of them- and it is not really that hard. I have my coop picked out, the chickens are ordered and will hatch on June 9th. I picked 2 different breeds- both lay brown eggs. I am so excited.

Everyone asks "Why dont you just buy your eggs...They are not that expensive.." It is not really about saving a couple dollars....True eggs are projected to go up to over $4 a dozen by the end of year, True I could have enough extra eggs to sell and make a little extra money....But fresh eggs are th absolute best. I dont know if you guys have ever had them but they are huge and taste so much better. I plan on raising my chickens totally organic, NO antibiotics, no cramped conditions or inhumane treatment- like they do in commercial settings...Happy chickens means better eggs, right?!?!!?!?

Did you know that the eggs you buy in a grocery store are over a month old already?? I didnt either until i started researching them.

Friday, May 09, 2008

45 Months

Yesterday you were 45 months old. I am absolutely amazed how quickly time continues to go by. Everyday a new part of you emerges. The bad habits are fading a bit and new ones are emerging. You are very headstrong and perhaps a bit on the stubborn side. You are so energetic and you make mommy tired just watching you run around!!! I swear I dont know how such a small little person, who eats next to nothing, can have as much energy as you do.

You wont let me clip your fingernails right now- you cry if I even attempt it. So tonight my sweet, mommy has to sneak into your room while you sleep to do it. And you know what is going to happen-when you wake up in the morning you will scream bloody murder that your nails are missing.

You love bedtime stories and that makes me happy to have that time with you. One book at bedtime quickly turns into 5. You have moved most of your books from your playroom to under your bed and always move them back there when I try to clean them up.

Your vocabulary is expanding by leaps and bounds and you learn new phrases everyday. One of the funniest is when you say "" and when I get up from wherever I am sitting you quickly run to take my spot saying "I save your seat mommy and make it warm and comfy"

You are constantly testing our limits and trying to expan our boundaries. Mommy and Daddy are trying to work together better to direct you. You dont like being told 'No" and you think you are the

You love to chase Daddy and jump on his back hanging like a monkey. You think "Honk" is the funniest word on the planet. When you say it you erupt into a fit of giggles and end up making a snorting sound.

You tell us when you grow up you want to be a doctor. I know that you will probally change your mind a million times, but it secretly makes mommy very happy that you would possibly end up helping people like I do.

You are addicted to chocolate. SERIOUSLY addicted. So serious that I have to find clever ways to hide it around the house. And when you find it- your face becomes a sticky brown mess that extends all the way down the font side of your body.

I love you,


Favorite Ingredients Friday: Tres Leche Cake

1 cup white sugar
5 egg yolks
5 egg whites
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 (12 fluid ounce) can evaporated milk
1 pint heavy whipping cream
10 maraschino cherries (I substitute strawberries instead)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Butter and flour bottom of a 9 inch springform pan.
Beat the egg yolks with 3/4 cup sugar until light in color and doubled in volume. Stir in milk, vanilla, flour and baking powder.
In a small bowl, beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add remaining 1/4 cup sugar. Beat until firm but not dry. Fold egg whites into yolk mixture. Pour into prepared pan.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 to 50 minutes or until cake tester inserted into the middle comes out clean. Allow to cool 10 minutes.
Loosen edge of cake with knife before removing side of pan. Cool cake completely; place on a deep serving plate. Use a two prong meat fork or cake tester to pierce surface of cake.
Mix together condensed milk, evaporated milk and 1/4 cup of the whipping cream. Discard 1 cup of the measured milk mixture or cover and refrigerate. Pour remaining milk mixture over cake slowly until absorbed. Whip the remaining whipping cream until it thickens and reaches spreading consistency. Frost cake with whipped cream and garnish with cherries(or strawberries!!!).

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Everyone likes something free right????

It really does...I signed up and after logging out of my new account and logging in again-within minutes I had a credit for $25.00.

Is there such a thing? I saw this on another blog and tried it. It's a new online pay service, similar to Paypal. All you have to do is click the link I added to the right and you will receive $25 free to use through their site. I will receive $10 for referring you! Plus, when you sign up, you do NOT have to give your bank information, or a credit card.
I found a site on Etsy (of course) which accepts RME (Revolution Money Exchange) so I will be using my FREE $25 on that site. I will either not go over $25 or will use another way to pay for the rest of the cost if there is one, as I do not plan on giving RME my information past what they have, I already use paypal.
Anyway, FREE $25 sounds good to me!!! It took me 5 min total to sign up and get my free money!!! Go for it!If you want to find sites on Etsy that take RME, just go to their search bar and searching under tags/titles list RME. About 150 PAGES of items came up. If you don't care for a specific item, but would maybe like other things they sell, click Shop under the item you see and it will take you to that person's shop.

Update: Just so you know, I did Google this site and looked up references on it's safety. It is backed by FDIC, which is why they do ask for your SSN# during sign up. There were articles in both the Washington Post and USA Today on it's safety as well as other websites and many current users rating it extremely well. I also found out, which I didn't know, that Paypal began in exactly the same way, with giving away "money" to new users. :) Good to know these things prior to signing on to something so new. :)

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Ineffective Parenting

Boy- I think the name of this post pretty much sums up how I feel. Im tired and frustrated and feel as though my parenting skills stink lately.

Sarah is 3 1/2. A fireball of stubborn energy throwing temper tantrums at me left and right. Barely giving me time to recover from one tantrum before she spirals into another one. I dont know what else to do. I feel as though I have "tried" everything as far as discipline and positive reinforcement to no avail.

She gets angry and grinds her teeth, screams, kicks, hits, bites, and throws things. Yikes. I know alot of it stems from her inability to effectively communicate her feelings/desires....But.....damn I dont even know what to say....I talk to her about her bad attitude and then I raise my voice that is normally followed by a time out- which normally ends with her kicking her walls and throwing things- then of course comes the kicking, hitting some more screaming and the occaisionaly biting. Speaking of biting she has never been a big biter until recently.

It always seems to end in the dreaded spanking. I hate spanking-strike that I loathe spanking her. I feel like a hypocrit- I tell her hiting is not nice but then I spank her when I have had enough- sending mixed signals to her... Sigh......
i especially feel guilty spanking or yelling sometimes because she is adopted, does that make sense? Anyon else feel like this? Any stories, thoughts or suggestions would be imensely appreciated.....

Primal Wound

I love my daughter-more than I love anything in this entire world-including myself. Becoming a mother has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I recognize that by myself gaining this joy- another has lost a piece of them. My daughters first mom and my daughter. The loss to Sarahs first mom is obvious.
See our adotion experience is different. We did not enter into an open adoption. We actually adopted through foster care. The first mom (FM-for further typing purposes) did not in the beginning wish to lose her daughter. She did not make an adoption plan. She had no intention of doing so. But due to circumstances- she found herself sick with very serious addiction problems.

To add to that struggle- she is bipolar. I had met with the FM on several occaisions and the love for Sarah was apparent, but she could not battle her demons to become a safe person to raise her children. She knew my husband and I would adopt Sarah if that was what path we started to head toward. She tried initially to work the caseplan but was unable to do so. I talked to her frequently updating her on the baby and offering her support. After 4 months she decided to terminate her rights, and the birthfather also agreed willingly to do so.
The rest of our story is history from there. Or is it? I look at my daughter everyday and I know she has her mothers eyes and nose, her fathers ears. I read what books on adoption I could find. None of which really covered the whole foster to adopt scenario. So in a way we are winging it. Just doing the best we can do to let her know her story. But on a deeper level-I wonder-does she know? Does she know her loss? She as a toddler is a stubborn girl, with frequent outbursts of anger. Is this anger normal toddler behavior? Or is it the anger and frustration surfacing from a loss she feels but does not understand?
I feel like adoption is like an onion- and the layers just keep peeling back. My husband thinks I am overanalyzing- but I just do not know. Because I have never had that loss. I just want to do the best thing for my daughter. I have the urge to contact the FM every once in awhile- just recently I found her-in jail. Her lifestyle has not changed and is actually becoming worse. In a sort of way I feel responsible for that too. Granted she has had her problems-which was what brought around the whole adoption to begin with- but how can some one recover from all of that and with the pain of losing her child unwillingly?

Favorite Things

My daughter

Playing tag outside with my daughter

My family

Family movie night

Old houses

Reading her books at bedtime

Rainy Days

Going out with the girls...

Snuggling Gardening

Pepsi (cherry that is...)

Road trips

Shopping Quiet

Hearing her say,"I lub you mommy"

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

this is a test

I am still currently actively blogging over at th wordpress address- but i am not sure if I like it all that much---SO I am going to be playing around on this blog to see which i do like better.....

check me out at:

Friday, April 11, 2008

Importing over

moving on over to wordpress today....hope some of you guys will follow me over there...too much to "fix" on this site...needing a change......

Am I wrong?

Back when my husband and I decided to adopt we never discussed how we would handle the topic of our "adoption". Obviously; we were never planning on deceiving our daughter. It was and still is our intention of her being aware she is adopted on an age appropriate level.

What I am talking about is- What do you say to people to whom never knew you when you were actually going throught the motions of adopting?

We lived in Florida when we were adopting our daughter. Of course our immediately family members knew what was going on and so did a few friends. When we moved back to Pa last year I connected again with alot of friends. Friends I had not spoken to since highschool. So when I talk to them about my daughter I dont mention that she was adopted. When they ask about her birth. I tell them. However I am careful to tell it from almost a third party point of view- that way I feel I am not lying and I really just do not feel the need to tell everyone she is adopted. Its a private matter.

So what do you guys think? AM I being deceptful? How would you handle this? Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Cleaning out the house

Yes I am aware that this blog has been largely neglected. Life has once again swept in and rearranged everything. I do apologize. I am going to try and bring this back.
I have some MAJOR reorganization to do.
Links need updated..
Template needs adjusted...
And..well...I really want to broaden this blog quite a bit. Its funny how when in the process of becoming a mommy- it consumes your soul- your every fiber of 'being'. I have been a mommy for the past 3 1/2 years now-and have stopped fostering...we have stopped 'trying' and have been living in the moment...
So if you are already linked to this blog and would like me to update you..please send me a link..