Day 5

Still going

My husband however has unofficially crumbled. He has drastically cut down but he is not going to be able to do this without medicatation. Im fine with that-I just dont want him to quit quitting....

I found that stopping smoking has also improved my parenting skills..Heh...It has given me an edge..The edge I needed to instill soome deeply needed discipline. The edge I needed to enforce that she will eat the whole damn hotdog and NOT just four bites because her belly only wants candy.

I am embarrassed to say that before I started to quit we both were becoming the "giving in" type of parents. Trust me when I say we are both NOT the "giving in" type people..it just became easier to do than deal with the constant tantrums, crying, slamming doors- and yes most of the crying was from me...

Day 3

Was rough

So far so good though- I have resisted the urge for a cigarette

Do you know how many times during the day that I had that uncontrollable feeling of anxiety build up in my chest? SO many times Im not even sure on the number

My husband is trying. I give him much credit. Even though I know he snuck a cigarette last night. He denies it- but the smell resonates from him.

I quit

Smoking that is.

I have been a smoker for almost 13 years. I started way young- and here I am at a ripe old age of thirty feeling the effects.

Its time.

Yesterday I had 5 cigarettes (Im normally a pack a day smoker)

Today I only had 3...and....

man...

I feel rage boiling.

I cant believe the hold nicotine has on my body. It is insane.

I am having a glass of wine this evening to smooth over the unpleasant feeling I have right now... I am disgusted that I let cigarettes consume my life, my health, and my bank account for this long...

You know what finally broke the camels back? Not the shortness of breath I have been experiencing nor the gross early morning cough...TAXES!!!! Thats right cigarettes are now up to $6 a pack where I live. I'll be damned if I was going to pay that much to kill myself a little bit each day...

Both my husband and I are doing this together...wonder which one of us will crack first??

Oh boy

Well I guess you could say I have been on a long hiatus. Havn't been feeling very motivated to blog. Everything is fine. Just busy.

I started back to school last September- Yay me!!! I cannot tell you how much I just want it to be done already!!!

Sarah is getting big- she will bee 5 in August. And will be going to
K-I-N-D-E-R-G-A-R-T-E-N!! i AM IN SHOCK, DENIAL AND WANT TO PEE MY PANTS EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT.

Im not sure if she will be ready for it though. I figured worst case scenario she will just repeat it. We are putting her in a private fullday kindergarten because of course the school district we live in- which we pay THOUSANDS of dollars a year in school taxes does NOT have a full day program- only half day... Cant figure that one out at all. I mean both parents work normally now a days...

SHe is smart but she is still delayed. Her speech is improving but she gets frustrated with her words frequently. I dont know what to think about her counting skills. Sometimes I think she can count well and others its almost like she is dyslexic-mixing them all up...1 2 4 6 3 9 20 12 and so on..

I love her to pieces...even when she tells me that Im boring now or when she rolls her eyes non stop at me...I can just see the fun I will have when she is a teenager.

She goes to dance class every week now, she tries really hard but her feet just kinda do their own thing..lol...dance class is painful for me- the other moms...I just can't seem to connect with them. They are all so mean. Come on- the kids are 4-5 years old they can barely walk in a straight line and you want to criticize a little girl because her tondu is not perfect? They are just lucky i havn't heard them discussing my daughters happy feet like choreography..lol

Im here...

Still. I honestly am on here everyday checking everyones blogs but I havnt had the will power todo anything with mine. Lots of new stuff. The most important, our family is doing good. Sarah continues to grow and amaze me each and every day.

I need to post more...I do...I have so much frustrations built up I seriously need to get them out somewhere...even if no one reads here anymore..lol..

FIF: Alaksa Salmon bake with Pecan Crunch Coating

INGREDIENTS
3 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons butter, melted
5 teaspoons honey
1/2 cup fresh bread crumbs
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
3 teaspoons chopped fresh parsley
6 (4 ounce) fillets salmon
salt and pepper to taste
6 lemon wedges



DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). In a small bowl, mix together the mustard, butter, and honey. In another bowl, mix together the bread crumbs, pecans, and parsley.
Season each salmon fillet with salt and pepper. Place on a lightly greased baking sheet. Brush with mustard-honey mixture. Cover the top of each fillet with bread crumb mixture.
Bake for 10 minutes per inch of thickness, measured at thickest part, or until salmon just flakes when tested with a fork. Serve garnished with lemon wedges

46 Months

Inching closer to the big "4". I still cant believe it.

This past month has had its ups and downs. You are growing fast. The things that come out of your mouth never cease to amaze me. Your sense of humor is developing too. You like to pull "tricks" and tell jokes. The silly faces- oh boy.

You are developing an artistic side. You love to color and draw and take pictures with my camera. You know what? You take really nice pictures too. It is nice to see things how you see them- through your eyes.

The ABC song is easy for you- you even try to sing it backwards, You know all the words to our special bedtime song and sing it with me.

Your appetite is growing too- no longer are you as picky with your food. We went from only 5 things you would eat, to- maybe 7??? LOL. Pickles still being your favorite.

You still dont like to clean up your toys when I ask you to. You say "your arms are broken" which is funny cause you seem to use them just fine after the mess is cleaned or you get in trouble.

We took you fishing for the first time ever a few weekends ago. Your still too much of a social butterfly to be able to sit quietly for long and wait for the fish. Oh- and you only wanted to catch 'little' fish NOT 'big' fish. I'll never forget the first time you reeled in your line and you saw the worm and said "Look mom- I caught a WORM!!!- a big WORM!!!!- I have to show Daddy my new worm-he can sleep in my room..."

Life is so fun with you. You inspire me each and every day to be a better person than the day before...I love you....

Mommy