Ineffective Parenting

Boy- I think the name of this post pretty much sums up how I feel. Im tired and frustrated and feel as though my parenting skills stink lately.

Sarah is 3 1/2. A fireball of stubborn energy throwing temper tantrums at me left and right. Barely giving me time to recover from one tantrum before she spirals into another one. I dont know what else to do. I feel as though I have "tried" everything as far as discipline and positive reinforcement to no avail.

She gets angry and grinds her teeth, screams, kicks, hits, bites, and throws things. Yikes. I know alot of it stems from her inability to effectively communicate her feelings/desires....But.....damn I dont even know what to say....I talk to her about her bad attitude and then I raise my voice that is normally followed by a time out- which normally ends with her kicking her walls and throwing things- then of course comes the kicking, hitting some more screaming and the occaisionaly biting. Speaking of biting she has never been a big biter until recently.

It always seems to end in the dreaded spanking. I hate spanking-strike that I loathe spanking her. I feel like a hypocrit- I tell her hiting is not nice but then I spank her when I have had enough- sending mixed signals to her... Sigh......
i especially feel guilty spanking or yelling sometimes because she is adopted, does that make sense? Anyon else feel like this? Any stories, thoughts or suggestions would be imensely appreciated.....