Day 5

Still going

My husband however has unofficially crumbled. He has drastically cut down but he is not going to be able to do this without medicatation. Im fine with that-I just dont want him to quit quitting....

I found that stopping smoking has also improved my parenting skills..Heh...It has given me an edge..The edge I needed to instill soome deeply needed discipline. The edge I needed to enforce that she will eat the whole damn hotdog and NOT just four bites because her belly only wants candy.

I am embarrassed to say that before I started to quit we both were becoming the "giving in" type of parents. Trust me when I say we are both NOT the "giving in" type people..it just became easier to do than deal with the constant tantrums, crying, slamming doors- and yes most of the crying was from me...

Day 3

Was rough

So far so good though- I have resisted the urge for a cigarette

Do you know how many times during the day that I had that uncontrollable feeling of anxiety build up in my chest? SO many times Im not even sure on the number

My husband is trying. I give him much credit. Even though I know he snuck a cigarette last night. He denies it- but the smell resonates from him.

I quit

Smoking that is.

I have been a smoker for almost 13 years. I started way young- and here I am at a ripe old age of thirty feeling the effects.

Its time.

Yesterday I had 5 cigarettes (Im normally a pack a day smoker)

Today I only had 3...and....

man...

I feel rage boiling.

I cant believe the hold nicotine has on my body. It is insane.

I am having a glass of wine this evening to smooth over the unpleasant feeling I have right now... I am disgusted that I let cigarettes consume my life, my health, and my bank account for this long...

You know what finally broke the camels back? Not the shortness of breath I have been experiencing nor the gross early morning cough...TAXES!!!! Thats right cigarettes are now up to $6 a pack where I live. I'll be damned if I was going to pay that much to kill myself a little bit each day...

Both my husband and I are doing this together...wonder which one of us will crack first??

Oh boy

Well I guess you could say I have been on a long hiatus. Havn't been feeling very motivated to blog. Everything is fine. Just busy.

I started back to school last September- Yay me!!! I cannot tell you how much I just want it to be done already!!!

Sarah is getting big- she will bee 5 in August. And will be going to
K-I-N-D-E-R-G-A-R-T-E-N!! i AM IN SHOCK, DENIAL AND WANT TO PEE MY PANTS EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT.

Im not sure if she will be ready for it though. I figured worst case scenario she will just repeat it. We are putting her in a private fullday kindergarten because of course the school district we live in- which we pay THOUSANDS of dollars a year in school taxes does NOT have a full day program- only half day... Cant figure that one out at all. I mean both parents work normally now a days...

SHe is smart but she is still delayed. Her speech is improving but she gets frustrated with her words frequently. I dont know what to think about her counting skills. Sometimes I think she can count well and others its almost like she is dyslexic-mixing them all up...1 2 4 6 3 9 20 12 and so on..

I love her to pieces...even when she tells me that Im boring now or when she rolls her eyes non stop at me...I can just see the fun I will have when she is a teenager.

She goes to dance class every week now, she tries really hard but her feet just kinda do their own thing..lol...dance class is painful for me- the other moms...I just can't seem to connect with them. They are all so mean. Come on- the kids are 4-5 years old they can barely walk in a straight line and you want to criticize a little girl because her tondu is not perfect? They are just lucky i havn't heard them discussing my daughters happy feet like choreography..lol