Family Reactions

I wanted to post about initial family reactions to foster care...I wanted to share my own experience and here about everyone elses' ordeal when you first told your family you were interested in doing foster care to hopefully adopt...

We had been entertaining the idea of fostering for a year or two--actually it was mainly me... My husband wasn't sure he wanted to go down that road... Actually he wasn't even positive he wanted to adopt... But men are different (most--not ALL!!!)..My husband already had a child from a previous marriage. So he really didn't have that yearning to be a parent. Myself on the other hand, I was obsessed. After numerous rounds of infertility treatment that wrecked havoc on my body and soul- I was even more desperate to be a mommy. I did not care how I became a mommy-- I just wanted to be one.

Adoption was my only choice it seemed. I'm sure you all know how darn expensive domestic & international adoption is... Infertility treatments took their toll on us financially and I did not want to "save" for 4-5 years to be able to afford adoption. I wanted to be a mommy NOW!!!!
So that is what basically led us to the whole foster to adopt journey. It really was an ideal situation. It would cost us nothing; we would be parents; and a child would have an awesome home- which might not have had one otherwise.... Everyone's a winner--right???

Then it came time to break the news to the family...Afterall we did need references!! I told my mom and dad first. They were kinda supportive. I don't think they understood were all of this was coming from. We had (and still do) keep our whole infertility journey to ourselves. I didn't want anyones advice on how to get pregnant. I did not want our whole reproductive life to be gossiped about by family members... Yep thats my family--a bunch of gossip mongers..sigh..

Most of my extended family was really supportive--especially my cousins. The one person who loomed above our decision was my grandmother. Oh the questions she asked!!! Why do you want to do that??? Can't you have your own children??? You know those children are nothing but problems??? I used to know.....and her foster kids set fire to everything!!!! It would go on and on and on....
And on....
She could not fathom why we would do it. My one cousin told me about what she was saying behind my back... "Michelle & A must need the money....why else would they take in foster kids!!!!"

Now THAT was stepping over the line. First of all; my husband and I do really well for ourselves... I am her only grandchild that graduated highschool--let alone college!! I am her only grandchild who is married (before having kids)!!! I am her ONLY grandchild that BUILT our own house!! (on the beach no less WHEN I was ONLY 21!!!!)...Pretty good when you consider she has 32 grandkids!!!!!!!!

So the very idea she thought we were "doing" it for money enraged me. All we wanted was a child. That's it. I kept thinking, "who the heck could even MAKE any money being a foster parent??????". The board payments barely make up for the neccessities!! Good Lord.

So that was my general experience with my family. What was your like? How did you break the news to your family?? I have quite a few more issues to post about regarding this grandma!! Watch for those posts--it is going to be like group therapy in here!~!

Drum Roll Please.....

My new tenant: PAJAMA MAMA!!! I absolutely *adore* her blog... She has been on my blogroll for a bit now---but when I saw she made a bid on my blog---how could I refuse?!?!?! I couldn't!!!! She is both a natural mom AND an adoptive mom to 3 lucky kids!!! Her blog topics vary- keeping it fresh!!! Her current post "Calling all Angels" , really struck a cord with me...it made me reflect on my own life and different situations I have been in...wonderfully written!!!

So if you havn't checked her out by now--go ahead and click on her thumbnail in my tenant box...You won't be disappointed!!!!

A preview of our family pics...

Here is one of the pictures we had done last night at the beach..... 

Family Pics...

Well we had our family pictures taken today. We all wore white--and had them taken at the beach around sunset....Unfortunately it was overcast--so no "sunset" pictures....but none the less I think they will turn out really nice...

We have never had any family pictures taken so this will be a first. It's horrible--these are the FIRST pictures I have had taken with Sarah....I should have done a cheapo family picture at least once when she was a baby...Live and Learn I guess...

First Haircut...

Well it is about that time. Sarah's 2nd birthday is rapidly approaching...her bangs are long and scraggily...AND we are having family pictures done at the beach tommorrow...So I decided it was time for her first haircut.

Now let me just say I am NOT a professional hairstylist in any way, shape or form. But I thought I could handle a few snips across her forehead... I mean how difficult could it be? Right??? Besides---I find it ridiculous to pay someone $20 to cut so little hair...

So I gathered up all my supplies, gave Sarah her bath and decided to get clipping...She must have known what I was about to do--and she was NOT happy about it!!! I managed to get her somewhat restrained in her highchair (which she never uses anymore :-( )

Well the pic on the left is before we started....her bangs were actually longer than they lok in the pic.....then the one on the right...lol....what can I say??? I tried! She was very upset at me in that pic...her bangs are a tad bit too short...in the pic they look like they are crooked---but I assure they really are not...must have been a bad angle....it looks much better now a few days after this incident!!

************PICTURES REMOVED!!! SORRY--DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE THEM UP UNTIL I GET INSTALL A CODE TO BLOCK RIGHT CLICK COPIES!!!

I did it!!!!...I did it!!!!

My first custom banner heading!!! Woo hoo!! AND all by myself---except for wldjoker and his help on HOW to do it!!lol....it really didn't take me too long once i figured out how to work some of the programs i already had!!! The pictures of the footprints on the header are actually Sarahs footprints taken at birth...How cool is that??? I figured it would be appropriate....

Yea me!!!! I love it!!!

Good post for discussion...

over at my new tenants blog....Adventures in Parenting..regarding the big dig tunnel death....just click on her blog link on the right there and it will zip you right over!!

I also wanted to say a BIG Thank you to wyldjoker over at Dads HighWAY for his valiant effort at helping me understand HTML code for a new banner I hope to have finished soemtime before Christmas!!!

Adoption Poem

Once upon a time I held a child,
whose eyes did not match mine.
Its hair a different color,
its smile was just divine.
This child was not born
from my womb,
but given by another,
For me to love and give a home,
to one day call me Mother.
No greater gift will I receive
or cherish more than this.
Thank you Lord with all my heart
for granting me my wish.
(Author: Linda Paige-Tolis)



This poem will DEFINATELY make its way into Sarahs scrapbook....

Blog Explosion & my new Tenant...

Well I decided to take a cue from Pajama Mama and check out Blog Explosion...It is a site to earn "traffic" to your blog...it is easy enough to use and free...you earn "credits" by viewing other blogs and by "renting" a spot on your blog for a Tenant....

So I am happy to announce my very first tenant is Valerie from Adventures in Parenting!!!! Motherhood...Marriage...and Mayhem..oh my!!! Her blog chronicles everyday life being a wife and mom--trying for baby #2!!! Please be sure to check her out!! The pictures of her son are absolutely adorable!!! Im just a sucker for cute little children!!

I also wanted to Thank everyone for their responses to the survey below...Especially Sunshine Girl...It was great to get the perspective from a former foster child herself...In this whole process that is the one thing I find lacking...Testimony from an ACTUAL foster child...she was the FIRST adult I have been able to connect to who has first hand knowledge by being one herself!! Thanks again!!!


***** I would ALSO like to thank Swaparama Mama... I got the slushie pin yesterday---and it is fabulous!!! Thank you so much!! I have it pinned to my bag already!!

Survey

I am feeling alot better now. I apologize for the frantic...errr...angry overtone of the last post. But this is where I come to vent to get it out of my system. Let me start off by saying I know not all people I encounter will be so clueless as to adoption etiquette...it just REALLY struck a nerve with me that day...

So I wanted to post a little survey to find out how any of you would broach certain subjects to the children you have adopted or to any person you decide to tell of your childs adoption....

1. When will you tell your child they are adopted? We plan on Sarah always knowing she is adopted...starting probally in the next year as she starts to ask questions about babies...on an age appropriate level of course...Somewhere along the lines of..."you grew in mommys heart not in my belly.."

2. How do you plan on explaining the whole foster care adoption thing??? Im still not totally sure of this one yet...probally little bits age appropriate...

3. Do you plan on letting your child have any contact with bio parents if adopted via fostercare??? Right now we do not. Due to certain factors we do not believe it would be safe for Sarah any time soon. We also want it to be HER choice whether she would like any contact when she is old enough providing there are no safety concerns....

I find myself in such a grey area with this whole adoption thing. Foster to adopt is alot different than regular domestic adoption in my opinion. The end result may be the same--- but the journey is completely unparallel....

Annoyed....

Well Sarah had an appointment today for a followup for her hearing...Her hearing is TOTALLY normal...But we had to get it checked since she is also going for a speech eval next month...Well she had been seen before in this practice---BEFORE the adoption was final. So they had her listed by her old last name. To change it to her new name--they said I had to bring a copy of the adoption decree and they would change it. No problem. Thats easy enough. So i brought it..gave it to the receptionist---who---was INCREDIBLY---dense, stupid, and I wanted to bang her head against the wall when I was finished!! LOL. So I handed her the adoption decree filled out all NEW paperwork to reflect the name change and our new address...Then the receptionist, asked me,"Well do you want to put her mom for an emergency contact?"

WTF?!?!!?!?
I said " I AM her mom....and you already have my info...."
Her, "Well what about her real mom....what if she has to bring her to an appointment.."
By now I am PISSED!!
"I am her real mom. Did you NOT read the adoption decree???? Why would her biological mother take her anywhere?? I bring MY daughter wherever SHE has to go...BECAUSE I AM HER MOTHER!!!!"

"well yea but i still need her moms info..." smirking while she said this.
By that time out came the supervisor, and turns out the receptionist was just being a bitch because the ONLY information she needed was mine...Bad experience with adoption maybe?? Not my problem. Don't try to undermine my role in my daughters life.

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........Some people are sooo STUPID. Sarah is my daughter period. I do not care if she came out of my vagina or not. There should be mandatory sensitivity training for stupid people who have no idea how to be politically correct. Sorry for the angry rant...but it is people like this that i absolutely dread...I worry that Sarah will be confronted by those type of people when she is older---I worry that she will be made to feel that I am not her "real" mom, I worry about how she will handle those questions.

I am the one to stay up all night with her when she is sick....
I am the one who takes care of her on a daily basis....
I am the one who manages all of her medical needs...
I am the one to teach her right from wrong....
I am the one who wipes away her tears when she cries....
I am the one who kisses all of her boo boo's
I AM her mother!!!!

Prayers...

Please say an extra prayer today for the family of Shelby Gagne who won her fight with cancer yesterday... She is now dancing with the angels; pain and cancerfree...please keep her family in your thoughts they have traveled a rough road
www.caringbridge.com/visit/shelbygagne

god bless...

The first meeting...

I realized I have not blogged in a long time about our actual foster to adopt experience with Sarah. The last actual post was back in february when I was getting up to the point in posting about her first visit with biodad. So...let me get back on track...

We met at a McDonalds. I picked it. I figured since he was bringing his son, Little Boy R (Sarhas' full brother) then at least he could be distracted with the playground area. Neutral territory. Biodad also ended up bringing his stepmom (BPSM) with him. Sarah was about 4 weeks old. And tiny. SOOOO tiny. I arrived about 15 minutes early. I wanted to be the first. I think I would have been too self conscious with them watching me arrive after them. I also want to mention that DCS had given me the option of meeting them by myself, since biodad was NOT the offending parent; they truly had no concerns about him.

Sarah had her apnea monitor by then. Seems she did not like to breathe on her own sometimes. So in they came. Man it was awkward. They came in and sat down. We introduced ourselves. Noone spoke for about 5 minutes; we all just stared at baby Sarah. Then biodad started asking me questions about her. About her health, how she ate, what she ate, everything. He really was concerned. His stepmom jumped in occaisionally asking for clarification on the medical issues. So Sarah started to get hungry and I asked the biodad if he wanted to feed her. He did. So I got them all set up, as soon as he picked her up, I remember the first thing he said was "I cant believe how small and light she is."

Within 5 minutes his son he brought with him was itching to go out in the playroom. So he took him and I got to spend some time with the BPSM. She was a really nice lady. Very composed. She held Sarah for a little while and told me all kinds of stories about the bioparents. She told me she did not think the biodad should or would be able to take care of the baby. Sooo....after that was said. I took a DEEP breath and told her "Well...my husband and I would love to errr...adopt Sarah....if...ahhh....there was ever a possibility..." I figured what did I have to lose??? At least I got it out in the open. The BPSM was not negative about my comment. She agreed that would probally be the best option...she also I later found out had told the biodad what I said after we left..

The visit drew to a close after almost 2 hours. They walked me out to my car. The biodad gave me 3 CASES of the expensive DHA infant formula...that he....ahhh....lets say "aquired". All individual sealed glass bottles...like what hospitals use ((wink))...but oh well...it was a nice gesture. And we definately appreciated it since we were slammed with 3 hurricanes that summer and did not have electricity for a bit.

And that was the next to last time he saw her. The last time was right before he signed the TPR when Sarah was 4 months old. I still think of this day everytime I drivepast this Mcdonalds...which is only 5 miles from where I now live. I should take a picture of it for her scrapbook...