Thursday, March 02, 2006

Letter to Biomom....

Well last week I sent Baby S' biomom a letter and a picture from her 1st birthday series. I havn't had alot of contact with any of the biofamily in a long time due to safety reasons. Biomom just got out of jail about two months ago also. So when our adoption finalization day came; our caseworker handed us an envelope with biomoms info in it in case we wanted it. Turns out the biomom had called her a few days prior to give her the info in case we decided to send pictures.
How to handle this adoption being open has been a deep conversation topic for us for awhile now. We have NO problem with an open adoption if this was a NORMAL adoption to begin with. But it is not. The bioparents were not planning to place Baby S for adoption at birth. The State intervened. There are a ton of issues floating around that make us hesitant to have this even a little bit of an open adoption. Drugs, crimes, mental illness. Dont get me wrong Im not being negative to anyonea mental illness. BUT. When the biomom refuses to take her meds and goes off on rampages I get concerned.
So we came to the understanding that Baby S of course will ALWAYS know she is adopted. As her age progresses she will know HOW she came to be adopted in the first place. I think she has a right to know the whole truth; on an age appropriate level of course. We decided that it will be HER decision if and when she ever wants to meet her bioparents. That includes her biosiblings. Our caseworker tried long and hard to get us to consider letting Baby S "know" her siblings as she grows up. If we do that I feel as though WE are making that decision for her, and I dont want to do that. It has to be her decision. Its not like she GREW up with her siblings and knew them before she came to us anyways. And besides that there is absolutely no way for her to be completely involved with her siblings and not be subjected to her bioparents; as Little Boy R lives with the biodad.
I know not everyone will agree with us, but we really have tried to make the best & safest decision for Baby S.
So on to the letter to her biomom. I wrote a very nice card; updated her a bit on Baby S. Told her Baby S has her eyes and nose. And I pleaded with her to find peace, happiness and healing for her soul. I cannot imagine trying to explain to Baby S that her biomom chose a life of drugs over her....

1 comment:

Tamara said...

Oh how I've already started thinking about these things myself (even if it is very erly on in the process). Thank you for writing this - it helps me clear my head and understand that the choices we make have to truly priveledge oru children over our own hearts or potential for hurt feelings. I hope all our Biomom's find peace and that someone out there helps them find healing.