Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Placement Call

DCF called me today about a placement. A 2 year old little girl who was taken AGAIN from her parents. I just could not do it. As much as I hate to say it; I'm done. Life is too hectic right now. I just can't take another child with no notice and no daycare set up. Sounds horrible right?? I feel like crap! We were blessed to adopt our daughter. We eventually DO want to adopt again in the next few years; but I think we will go the International route or maybe a very open private adoption. I have to put Baby S' needs first. I want to spoil her and love her to no end. And right now; I don't want to divide my attention with another child. I mean if they were to call us tommorrow for a newborn who was defeinately going for adoption...would I do it??? Maybe, but I really don't know. It is very important to us that Baby S be the oldest of our children. I feel really really bad. Like I am letting them down. I know we have to do what is right for our own family; but I just cant shake the crummy feeling. I know we would give ANY child a safe, happy place but I am not ready to get back on the rollercoaster just yet...I didn't even tell my husband about the placement call. Shame on me. I just know I cant handle it right now.


Tamara said...

Oh, I relate to that feeling. I've cried a little every time I/we turned down a placement. We were asked about adopting a 5 yr. old little boy who has been in foster care 3 years - we are going to say "no" and it will be hard to get the words out. We know we can't save them all, but that doesn't stop us from wanting to, does it? I, too, wonder what we will do in terms of fostering if Sugar Cookie ends up staying. If they called with a newborn with similar circumstances (the probably will be available for adoption), it would be harder to say "no". But, oh, its so exhausting just taking care of one and making sure she has everything - i just don't know how these super-foster-moms and dads do the multiple kid thing. Maybe one day I will get brave enough - but not yet.

Dream Mommy said...

Don't feel bad. You're the one that told me it's you're home and you get to decide.

I know it's gotta be hard anyway though.