Gearing up for the Holiday Weekend...

I totally forgot this weekend was fourth of July. Until--yesterday!! Errr. I have sooo much to do!! We made reservations to rent an RV and go camping. So atleast everything was technically PLANNED- but I still have to run around and get everything I need. Everyone is doing really good. Sarah is growing and growing. Her appetite has really picked up!! We had a speech therapy appointment set up for her tommorrow- but I rescheduled it for August. Her vocabulary seems to be approving so I have decided to wait a bit to see if she improves on her own. She will be 2 in August but technically she is 2 months behind in everything due to her prematurity...So we'll see..My stepdaughter has been with us now for a week. She is from Washington State. We have her every summer for 6 weeks and every Christmas vacation. So far so good. She will be 13 in September (yikes!!!). Last summer we had some jealousy problems. Which I knew was coming. But so far she is doing really well with Sarah. It is easier since Sarah is more mobile and more fun to play with now. Sarah absolutely **adores** her big sister. I am so glad she gets to spend time with her. 5 more weeks to go--hopefully it will stay wrinkle free!!! This is our last summer in Florida so we are going to try to get aruond and do somethigns we have not yet done in all of our years down here. My husband and I have been to disney a million and five times--but have yet to take Sarah. I think we are going to save that for Christmas time though-when it is cooler and she is a bit older!! I can't wait to take her to Magic Kingdom and dress her up like Cinderella!! What a dream come true for me!! For a long time I never thought I would have a child TO do stuff like that with...God is amazing!! I have been thinking alot lately about unanswered prayers...and how things work out...but I think I will save that for the next post!!

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Christmas past...

I sat on the floor with Sarah sunday night reading her a book. We were in her room. She has this one stuffed rockinghorse that winds up and play a lullaby. It was given to her for her first Christmas in 2004 by her biological paternal step grandmother (BPSG). Man that is a mouthful!! So she sat on my lap and I told her who it was from and we listen to it play its music. It was a very bittersweet moment. I told her that I would save it for her always and explain who it was from again when she was older. Obviously I know she did not understand a word I told her tonight.
I remember that first Christmas very well. Her biological paternal grandparents were very nice people. Normal people. Well to do even. But they didn't want her. They instead stepped aside and let us adopt her. For that I am eternally grateful. So that year BPSG; asked if we would allow them to come to our house before Christmas day so they could give Sarah her present. I didn't mind. They promised they would not tell the biological parents where we lived; that was my ONLY stipulation.
So they came by. We talked. I showed them Sarahs room. (Before we remodeled and turned it into the ultimate disney princess haven). They watched me change her diaper. Then we went into the dining room to chat. Sarah started to fuss and I had BPSG feed her a bottle. Then I brought out Sarah's scrapbook I had just started. It didn't have more than 6 pages in it but they drooled over every page.
Then they had me open Sarahs presents. The rockinghorse and an outfit. I was happy I would have something at least to save for her from them. She wore the outfit several days later and I took pictures of her in it. The BPSG asked the bio pat. grandpa(BPG) if he wanted to hold Sarah at all. He wouldn't. I understood. It was all too much for him. How hard it must have been to come into my house at all to begin with. The BPSG kept saying how maybe they could visit with us once a year or so to see Sarah every now and again. I honestly didn;t have a problem with it. I wanted to be able to give Sarah roots. BPG refused though. He told her that: "Sarah had a new family now and she was safe and would be happy and he didn't want any of them to mess with that."
After staying for about an hour; they left. I have never heard from them again. I tried sending pics in emails of Sarah to them. But I never got a reply. So I eventually stopped. How sad in one instant she lost that part of her biofamily. The normal part. How do I explain that to her?


******On a rather tacky note:: The BPSG left the price tag on the rockinghorse. I couldn't
believe it! It is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves by the way. And I know, I know it is the thought that counts. Believe me I get it. But if you were to give your only granddaughter whom was being given up for adoption ONE gift would you get it from a pawn shop and leave the tag for $3.99 on it???? Come on. It is cute; maybe it is just me; but I would probally buy something really fancy and expensive with all kinds of little clues in it should the child ever want to find me!!! LOL.....

Thoughts & Prayers Request

I wanted to post this website for a little girl named Shelby who is going through a very rough patch from Cancer...Please if you have a moment visit her site and leave her family your thoughts and prayers...it would mean so much to them....

http://www.caringbridge.com/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=shelbygagne

Big Girl

So I have started planning Sarahs' second (!!!) birthday party..Her birthday is not until August 8th but we are having her party in the end of July. I am one of those people who have to have everything somewhat planned WAAAAAAAAYYY ahead of schedule. Otherwise it just nags at me. So we are doing Strawberry shortcake theme. I bought a chocolate fountain for dipping strawberries and pretzels...yummy. I can't believe my baby is almost two. Where has the time gone??? It seems like just yesterday we brought her home from the hospital. Amazing. I oftenthink of her birthparents and wonder if they think about her at all...I'm sure they do--but I wonder how much. I can't imagine missing a second of her life and yet they have missed all of it so far. I know her birthmother is not doing any better and has had recent encounters with the law (to say it nicely). Sarah has such a personality. She loves to "cook" and play mommy to her babies. I'm so glad she is growing up happy and healthy--time goes by sooo fast.

Laserific!!!

Well today was the day I started my laser hair removal treatments!!! My Appointmet was at 12:30pm and I was out of that office by 12:50 pm...talk about quick!!! It was a bit painful-I'm not going to lie about that!! I think the worst of it was when they were zapping right underneath my chin area. Ewww was THAT sensitive!!! But other than that it was highly tolerable. When she announced she was done, I was like SERIOUSLY???? I just paid a fortune for a 15 minute session...WOW!!! But hey I get up to 9 treatments ( they say about 3 normally does it) and a lifetime guarentee!!! PLUS free touchups!!! So I guess it is worth it. Heck I KNOW it is worth it...I feel so much more confident already!!! I am already trying to figure out a way to get my legs done!!! Wouldn't that be sweet??? Not shaving legs anymore?!?!?!? HMMMMM...I think I am addicted!!!

Here comes Hurricane Alberto!!!

What a way to start off hurricane season with a bang!!! Forget tropical storms--our first storm of the season is a full fledged hurricane!! And the weatherman said tis was not gonna be anything major!! Ha. Shows ya that God has other things in mind.....

Just Checking in...

Not alot going on...just getting ready for our first storm (Tropical Storm Alberto) to hit us tommorrow sometime. Not overly concerned about it--we "should" just get alot of rain. I am now glad we are on the second floor though...I'm glad this will be my LAST hurricane season spent in Florida. I will gladly trade this for shoveling snow. My family up north thinks I'm nuts but they have never stood in their living room watching their windows bend inward to form a sharp V-shape, never stood outside at night right after the big one hit and see absolutely nothing--no light, no sound--nothing. This year marks the Second anniversary of our area being hit directly by Hurricane Charley. There are still thousands of damaged, destroyed homes and businesses. Blue tarp roofs are still visible. And yet this season is supposed to worse than anything we have ever seen. Sorry for the rambles. Nature just boggles my mind. There have actually been alot of things boggling my mind lately. I read quite a few web sites about children who are sick. Really sick. Terminal. My heart aches for their families. I absolutely could not imagine being in that situation. My heart is almost unable to continue working in Pediatrics as a nurse. Watching children die in the arms of their mother is becoming almost unbearable for me. Seeing the pain and anguish in parents' eyes is keeping me from sleeping lately..Sigh... I wish I knew Why? Why are precious children forced to endure horriffic illness' and face an untimely end...It just makes no sense to me. I wish there was more I could do. One of the charities I support is opening several thrift stores in North Carolina to help them support the families who deal with their childrens life threatening illness'. If anyone has any old (but good condition) childrens clothes; I implore you to box it up and send it to them, so they may try to help more families. The cost of postage is small compared with helping a fmaily afford life saving medication not covered by insurance so their child may have a shot at living... http://www3.caringbridge.org/nc/folden/
Sorry for a sad post; but if nothing else remember to give your kids a hug, and thank GOD they are happy, healthy and with you today...tommorrow is not guarenteed for anyone...

Well Well Well

I am here. I have been faithfully lurking and catching up on everybody. I really have no good excuse for not updating for so long. I have decided this summer is the summer of "Me". I am *trying* to get into shape and do little things for myself to make me happier. Including laying out tanning at the pool. All while Sarah is in school. I know I am horrible. (Evil Grin). I mean it is not like she hates school or anything. She loves it and it is her only opportunity to play with other kids her age. And besides she is only there for like 4-5 hours a day. Ok I am done defending myself!!! I am also having laser hair removal done (face: ewwww)!!! yea!! Finally; PCOS will not mark me!!! It is expensive but I need the boost for my self confidence. I deserve it. My 1st Treatment is this Wednesday!!!! I even had my hair done today!!! WooHoo!!! Well I will post a long update in a bit (promise!) I am about to fall asleep!!!

Not Nice!!

Well it seems my little bug is picking up words left and right. About a week ago Sarah was starting to act up and acting like a little kamikaze stuntwoman. So I asked her,"Do you want a time-out?" I really hadn't expected an answer- I never before brought up "time-out" to her. I havn't needed to. She is basically well behaved. So imagine my surprise when Sarah says, "Noooooo. No. No." I thought it was a fluke. Surely she didn't understand what I was saying, right?? Well when i took her to school the next day I was chatting with her teacher. It seems, Sarah had quite a few run ins with the phrase "time-out". So since then it has been my phrase to give her a reality check and calm her down when she starts to get a little hyped up. So this weekend, my husband and I had Sarah in our van with us driving to the store. She ended up throwing a shoe or some other projectile object at me, I can't quite remember. So I turned around and said, "NOT NICE!!" Guess what she said right back to me??? Yep. NOT NICE. Funny little bug she is. Well yesterday I was loading our dishwasher, and she kept trying to get into where the knives were and grab one. BIG no-no. SO after like 50 times of correcting her I asked her if she wanted to go to time out. No no no, was the answer I got. Of course. Well then after she hit number 51 of trying to grab a knife, I put her into a real time out. She started crying the "silent" cry, with her mouth wide open no sound emerging. All of a sudden she stopped and looked at me and started shaking her little index finger at me and said, "NOT NICE". Oh man, did I just want to run and laugh. It was soo hard to keep a straight face. But i prevailed. This time.

IM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well what an experience this has been...We are safe and sound in our new apartment. Whew! Im about 98% unpacked. I love it!! it is bigger than the house we just sold!!!! It has taken forever to get our phone/cable/internet set up via Comcast. What a pain in the ass that has been. 2 no show appointments and I finally can blog again!!! Oh man, cable internet is awesome..We had been living in the dark ages of dial-up. What a difference. Sarah is doing wonderful. She had a few rough nights when we first moved in. I have soo many funny storiesto update later once i get my pc all set up again..IT IS SOOO GOOD TO BE BACK!!! I cant wait to read everyones blog and catch up with them~!!!

T minus 6 days---

until we move!!!! We are getting the moving van this weekend so we can have it slowly packed by Monday..I even was able to convince my husband to let me hire 2 guys to help move the heavy stuff!!! Yea!!!
On a more serious note-we have hit the most horrible of developmental milestones full force. Temper Tantrums. I thought she was having them before--but man, what she does now is just awful. It scares me--she seriously tries to hurt herself. She throws herself on our (tile!!) floors and tries to bang her head, and slam her feet; she pinches & bites herself, AND pulls her own hair!! Not to mention the SCREAMING!!! I feel so bad-- I don't know what to do. When she gets like that I put her in her crib until she calms down (at least she is safe there)...other than that- I am lost. I feel like such a bad mommy some times. My husband is more of the type to let her do whatever so long as she does not scream and throw a fit. However; I cant do that. I stand my ground--then I pay for it!! I figure I would rather go threw it now than when she is a hormonal teenager. If anyone has any suggestions---PLEASE give them to me!!!

Me Fine Foundation

i wanted to post the actual link to the Me Fine Organization homepage... the link from the post below is her journal about her son with some info on the organization but the following link is the main site:

http://www.mefinefoundation.org/

Thankful...

Things are sorting themselves out on the homefront here...Our move adte is rapidly approaching--and I have YET to pack. I think I am in denial still..Oh well I guess I function better under pressure anyways..
We got a new minivan on Friday--Yes I said MINIVAN! Holy cow, I never thought of myself driving one of those...But I absolutely LOVE it!! Toyota Sienna rocks!! We are having the dvd player installed this Wednesday so our darling Sarah will be completely entertained on our drives to Walmart!!!
I follow alot of blogs that are caringbridge sites. Those are sites for parents who have critically ill children so they may keep their friends/families updated. It tugs at my heart everytime Iread them. But they keep me grounded. They let me truly appreciate what I have and overlook the spaghetti being thrown at my walls on a constant basis. I have decided at least once a week I want to post a link to one of those sites; so we all may be reminded that tommorrow is NOT a guarantee--and how quickly our lives could change. The first one I am posting is a site of a mom who lost her son to cancer. She took her pain and started a nonprofit organization to help OTHER families with terminal/critical children. Me Fine organization is a charity that I wholly believe in...In fact I am starting a box to send to them right now--they need constant donations of everything. From toilet paper to bleach to walmart cards to phone cards--with 100% of everything going to families who need them. Check it out. Click on journal history to read everything she has posted including the journey of ehr son Folden Lee II...
http://www3.caringbridge.org/nc/folden/

Wow...

two posts in one day!!! I am on a roll again!!!

Here are Sarahs Easter pics taken last month at 19 months...

Im still here... :-)

This past week has been a whirlwind of doctors & testing..So far all tests are coming back normal!! Thank god!! The only thing that comes close to explaining what is going on with me is Reflux. Yep. Nothing like acid corroding your throat so bad it swells shut. I had an appointment with my ENT (ear, nose &throat doc) and he put the camera down my throat and nose. *GAG*. I told him he is lucky I cant eat or his shoes would have been decorated with my lunch that day!! So now I am on nexxium. It seems to be working so far!! On that note; I would like to say THANK GOD I HAVE INSURANCE!!! That little purple pill was almost $300 for a month supply!! So I am hoping by the end of next week I will be able to eat like a normal person without choking everytime I *try* to swallow. It seriously took me over an HOUR to eat a tiny 3 inch quesedilla (sp?) the other night.. Sarah is doing good. She continues to amaze me everyday. I do not know what I would do without her. She has been absolutely obsessed with potty training lately...she is 20 months old (18months corrected age) so I was hoping to wait until she was closer to 2 years old before we started this...It is ridiculous. Her school WILL NOT do anything with potty training until she is in the 2 year old room. So I was trying to save her from the confusion; but I dont think that is gonna happen!! Her vocabulary is getting better everyday. Last night I let her lay in bed with me for a little bit (bad I know!!!) but I could nt help it--she is so darn cuddily lately. SHe kept putting her little arm over me and saying "oh Mummy". It just melts my heart!!!

As promised---

Well things sure have hectic on my homefront lately. Our closing date for our house is about a month away--but it seems I have accumulated alot more "stuff" than I previously thought I had. So we have been sorting, shuffling and packing items away that we dont use on a daily basis. My garbage men must hate me. Each week our pile is bigger than the last. It is only a matter of time before they strike on us--I am sure of it!!
Work has been--well--work...I normally really enjoy my job; but this week was a little much for me. One of my patients almost died with me there. As sad as it is--I have seen plenty of people die--I am a nurse. But I made a switch to Pediatrics a bit ago--and this was my first experience with a 3 year old almost dying. Whew--it was hard. Very hard. The mommy in me made me freeze for a moment--which is not good. Thankfully the nurse in me kicked right in and took care of the situation. My heart ached for the mother. Her child is terminally ill to begin with but I dont think you are EVER prepared to let your child go. I had tears in my eyes when it was done--I almost had to walk out of the room afterward. I managed to get control of my emotions though. I can honestly say; the day I dont have tears in my eyes for a child who almost or does die, is the day I quit.
Sarah is growing leaps and bounds. Everyday there is a new word it seems. She is still a little bit behind; but not much. She is such a good girl. This time change has definately got her confused. It seems she believes if it is daylight then it is not time for bed. Oh well!!!
I have an MRI scheduled for tommorrow. It seems my body is officially falling apart. For the past 5 days I have had a wierd tightness in my throat. Making it difficult to swallow, I have a hard time eating and drinking anything. I pray it is nothing serious. And of course the feeling like I am being strangled does nothing for my panic attacks I have been having since I almost died of a medication reaction on March 1st....Please keep me in your prayers!!!
Well I guess that about does it for now--talk to you guys soon!!!

Tommorrow...

I promise I will post an update!!! I have been super busy with selling our house, work, and with Sarah of course--After the beginning of May my schedule will be alot more open...I have been having some health issues also-but I will get to that tommorrow evening...Take care!!

Adoption Books

I found myself at Barns & Noble yesterday. I was trying to find a book about Fostering to Adopt. There were none. So I went over to the childrens section and the only book about adoption they had was "Tell me again" by Jamie Lee Curtis. Which of course does not pertain to foster to adopt. I was so disappointed. Surely; I thought someone had broached this subject. But I guess not. So I am now vaguely entertaning the thought of writing a childrens book about being adopted through foster care. Sounds like a project for this summer. I used to love to write and I was pretty good at it once upon a time. So we'll see......
Other than that things have been pretty much status quo. Our closing on our house is May 9th. We have been making taking trips to the storage unit trying to get ready. It will be tight. We have to be moved out on the 8th which is the earliest day we can get into our new apartment!! Talk about a crunch. But I dont want to think about that now!!
Baby S is getting big--almost 20 months old. And boy--we have started the temper tantrums!! Sheesh! I was hoping for another 4 months of truce but I guess she has other plans!!
So I have decided to stop calling her Baby S. She is my daughter finally. I feel comfortable enough using her real first name. Sarah. My princess.

I just love freebies--dont you??? A friend of mine sent me an email with links to all kinds of FREE things for parents & expectant parents!! I love the charmin potty training kit--too cool. http://www.charmin.com/en_us/pages/offers_pttraining.shtml

here is the link for the full page of freebies:
http://www.justfreestuff.com/babies.html


if any one else has any good link for free things let me know!!! You'd be amazed at some of the things I can get for free....diapers...wipes....motrin....all kinds of goodies!!!