Adoption Books

I found myself at Barns & Noble yesterday. I was trying to find a book about Fostering to Adopt. There were none. So I went over to the childrens section and the only book about adoption they had was "Tell me again" by Jamie Lee Curtis. Which of course does not pertain to foster to adopt. I was so disappointed. Surely; I thought someone had broached this subject. But I guess not. So I am now vaguely entertaning the thought of writing a childrens book about being adopted through foster care. Sounds like a project for this summer. I used to love to write and I was pretty good at it once upon a time. So we'll see......
Other than that things have been pretty much status quo. Our closing on our house is May 9th. We have been making taking trips to the storage unit trying to get ready. It will be tight. We have to be moved out on the 8th which is the earliest day we can get into our new apartment!! Talk about a crunch. But I dont want to think about that now!!
Baby S is getting big--almost 20 months old. And boy--we have started the temper tantrums!! Sheesh! I was hoping for another 4 months of truce but I guess she has other plans!!
So I have decided to stop calling her Baby S. She is my daughter finally. I feel comfortable enough using her real first name. Sarah. My princess.

I just love freebies--dont you??? A friend of mine sent me an email with links to all kinds of FREE things for parents & expectant parents!! I love the charmin potty training kit--too cool. http://www.charmin.com/en_us/pages/offers_pttraining.shtml

here is the link for the full page of freebies:
http://www.justfreestuff.com/babies.html


if any one else has any good link for free things let me know!!! You'd be amazed at some of the things I can get for free....diapers...wipes....motrin....all kinds of goodies!!!

Guess What?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

We had an offer on our house yesterday!!! Today we accepted!! Yea us!!! Im soo excited. Our house was only on the market for 9 days. So lets all just keep our fingers crossed that nothing comes up that would sour the deal!!! It is such perfect timing! Our closing is the day after we move out of the house!! We are going to rent a huge apartment our last year in Florida--the maintenance free lifestyle...Then at least we won't have to worry about a house for this years' hurricane season--which is quickly approaching!!!
Speaking of hurricane season--I am not looking forward to it at all (not like I ever did anyways). But ever since we were hit with Charley I have panic attacks when one gets close. Panic attacks + toddler= useless mommy syndrome
I don't know what is wrong with me. Ever since I had my *near* death experience over antibiotics on March 1st; I have a damn attack every time I swallow a pill. Doesn't matter what pill it is--even if i have taken those particular kind like a million times before. I have a doctors appointment tommmorrow. I dont want anxiety meds;I just want to be allergy tested for every single substance on earth---thats not too much to ask is it???? Hopefully the doctor doesn't think so...

Errrrrrrrrrrr......

I am frustrated!!! I need to seriously vent--so I will apologize in advance. My SIL. Wow. What a piece of work. She is one of those people who "know" everything. Even though she is 24 years old. Ok, now granted I am only like 5 years older than her; but OMG!!!! She drives me insane.
She believes she is the best mother in the world. That she has raised a prodigy. Ok reality check. Her son is satans' spawn. Seriously. Mean, rude, he cusses, he hits, he is stingy, and bad bad bad!!!!!! Yeah I know he is technically my nephew; but I hate to say it: I do not like him. It is not really his fault. It is the way his mother raised him. She, of course, blames everything (one) but herself. Uhh--HELLO!!! If you scream and cuss at your children and call them a "jerk"; "bastard" and such; chances are he will be saying the same things!!! But what would I know right??? According to her; her son is older than my daughter so obviously she KNOWS more about parenting than me!!!!
I don't even like my daughter around them at all. My SIL is one of those jealous types. If she gets or has something no one else does; then that is all you hear about. But for instance, when I try to talk to her about us selling our house and building a new one; she cuts me off & makes an excuse to get off of the phone. She is a renter who will never in her natural life have a house because they chose to spend spend spend. She is just so darn competitive it makes me sick. Over petty shit no less. She is even jealous that my husband and I have a little girl. Yes. Thats what I said. She is jealous I have a daughter and she has a son. She always wanted a little girl; after we brought Baby S home; SIL would not answer her phone for like 6 months!!! I cant wait to move far far far away from these people....................

Hilarious...Ahh the 80's

You know you grew up in the 80's if......

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE."
2. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" and can do the "Carlton."
3. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
4. Two words: Hammer Pants.
5. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
6. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
7. You wore stone washed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
8. L.A.Gear....need I say more?
9. You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona Quimby books.
10. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF." (Restin peace...)
11. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (Some of us...head-to-toe, not to mention matching!!)
12. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks lifted.
13. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
14. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes (and probably in neon colors, too. Can you say STINKY FEET!!).
15. After you saw "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?
16. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up."
17. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
18. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
19. You have played with a Skip-It.
20. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
21. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
22. "Don't worry, be happy."
23. You wore, like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
24. You wore socks scrunched down and sometimes still do.
25. You remember boom boxes.
26. You remember Alf, the li'l furry brown alien from Melmac.
27. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
28. You know all the words to Bon Jovi's "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART."
29. You just sang those words to yourself.
30. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird. Oh yeah............it will never be that good again.
31. Homemade Levi shorts... (The shorter the better.)
32. You remember when mullets were cool!
33. You had a mullet!
34. You still sing "We are the World."
35. You tight rolled your jeans.
36. You owned a banana clip.
37. You remember "Where's the Beef?
38. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
39. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

You're still singing "Shot through the Heart" in your head, aren't you!!!?

Homecoming Part 3: First visit with Biodad

So we had our first meeting at McDonalds. Biodad brought Little Boy R and his stepmother with him. It was the first time he had seen Baby S since she was born and she was about 4 weeks old. She already had her apnea monitor by then. We sat and talked for awhile. Baby S started to get hungry and I asked the biodad if he would like to feed her. He was nervous holding her since she was so tiny but he did feed her for a bit until Little Boy R started to get jealous and wanted to go outside and play. So the stepmom took over the feeding. The stepmom was very nice and understanding. She told me all kinds of things. Basically her and her husband did not believe the biodad would be able to care for the baby. I took that moment to mention that my husband and I would of course be interested in adopting Baby S if that was ever an option. I figured I had nothing to lose by mentioning it; and everything to gain.
She told me that they were unable to take Baby S also. Its not that they were not able to; but that it was a lifestyle choice for them. Our visit lasted about an hour. Biodad thanked me for taking good care of the baby and he said he was glad that we had her. It was the next to last time he saw her before they signed the TPR 3 months later.

Stages

It seems Baby S has hit a new *stage*!!! One I like to call the "jumping bean" stage. Consisting of her pretty much jumping on the most unsafe & unsturdy object on the ground and giving Mommy a panic attack--Only moments later to wobble and jump to the hard tile floor using her Kamikaze style moves. Man I hope this passes quick.
Yesterday Baby S had a pulmonology appointment; where she was *officially* diagnosed as an asthmatic. Inhalers and Nebulizers oh my!!! She was *such* a big girl at the doctors office. She sat in her own seat in the waiting room and behaved VERY well for being 19 months old. So we get home and I was trying to explain all the meds and treatments to my husband--bless his heart..He says "this ahh seems like a medical condition..." Well--DUH!!! He means well, but he is not medically inclined in the least. Baby S did very well so far with her inhaler; we have to give it to her twice a day.
Our house was *officially* on the market as of yesterday also. The sign is in our front yard!! Please pray for us that it sells quickly!!! I think it will do good; great house and very reasonably priced for our neighborhood..I am soooo glad we built it when we did.
It still feels wierd to be done with DCF regarding Baby S. It is like I keep expecting to hear from them to set up a visit to come to see her. I feel alot better about the placement we turned down. I mean I know it is our right to say yes or no; but I still felt bad about it. I felt like I was letting the little girl down..I WISH I could take them all. I really do. If I could; I would have a big ranch overflowing with children....I'm sure one day in the future we will adopt another one. I'm just not sure the route we will take.

Placement Call

DCF called me today about a placement. A 2 year old little girl who was taken AGAIN from her parents. I just could not do it. As much as I hate to say it; I'm done. Life is too hectic right now. I just can't take another child with no notice and no daycare set up. Sounds horrible right?? I feel like crap! We were blessed to adopt our daughter. We eventually DO want to adopt again in the next few years; but I think we will go the International route or maybe a very open private adoption. I have to put Baby S' needs first. I want to spoil her and love her to no end. And right now; I don't want to divide my attention with another child. I mean if they were to call us tommorrow for a newborn who was defeinately going for adoption...would I do it??? Maybe, but I really don't know. It is very important to us that Baby S be the oldest of our children. I feel really really bad. Like I am letting them down. I know we have to do what is right for our own family; but I just cant shake the crummy feeling. I know we would give ANY child a safe, happy place but I am not ready to get back on the rollercoaster just yet...I didn't even tell my husband about the placement call. Shame on me. I just know I cant handle it right now.

Letter to Biomom....

Well last week I sent Baby S' biomom a letter and a picture from her 1st birthday series. I havn't had alot of contact with any of the biofamily in a long time due to safety reasons. Biomom just got out of jail about two months ago also. So when our adoption finalization day came; our caseworker handed us an envelope with biomoms info in it in case we wanted it. Turns out the biomom had called her a few days prior to give her the info in case we decided to send pictures.
How to handle this adoption being open has been a deep conversation topic for us for awhile now. We have NO problem with an open adoption if this was a NORMAL adoption to begin with. But it is not. The bioparents were not planning to place Baby S for adoption at birth. The State intervened. There are a ton of issues floating around that make us hesitant to have this even a little bit of an open adoption. Drugs, crimes, mental illness. Dont get me wrong Im not being negative to anyonea mental illness. BUT. When the biomom refuses to take her meds and goes off on rampages I get concerned.
So we came to the understanding that Baby S of course will ALWAYS know she is adopted. As her age progresses she will know HOW she came to be adopted in the first place. I think she has a right to know the whole truth; on an age appropriate level of course. We decided that it will be HER decision if and when she ever wants to meet her bioparents. That includes her biosiblings. Our caseworker tried long and hard to get us to consider letting Baby S "know" her siblings as she grows up. If we do that I feel as though WE are making that decision for her, and I dont want to do that. It has to be her decision. Its not like she GREW up with her siblings and knew them before she came to us anyways. And besides that there is absolutely no way for her to be completely involved with her siblings and not be subjected to her bioparents; as Little Boy R lives with the biodad.
I know not everyone will agree with us, but we really have tried to make the best & safest decision for Baby S.
So on to the letter to her biomom. I wrote a very nice card; updated her a bit on Baby S. Told her Baby S has her eyes and nose. And I pleaded with her to find peace, happiness and healing for her soul. I cannot imagine trying to explain to Baby S that her biomom chose a life of drugs over her....

Ok...

So I almost died yesterday. Seriously. No Exaggerating here. My doctor prescribed an antiobiotic called Keflex for me to take. I had never taken this medication before. So yesterday evening I took my FIRST dose of just 1 pill. My husband and I were in the garage having a cigarette when all of a sudden my tongue started to itch!!! I thought I was going crazy cause WHY would my tongue be itching?!?!?!?! The itching spread all over my face, so I went to wash it off. Well I felt a little better then until I could feel my tongue swelling in the mouth. I yelled for A to call EMS. Well 15 fricken minutes later they arrived with me lying in my driveway unable to breathe. How scary. Suffocating is one of my worst fears of dying to begin with...So my blood pressure clocked in at 160/110, and my heart rate was 160 in the ambulance. Now I must add I am a nurse. So I understood everything they were frantically saying in the ambulance. Freaked me out. I heart the words stroke, heartattack, because my vital sign were danagerously high. My respirations were like an 8 (20 is normal) so I had to have a tube in my throat to breathe. The real kicker came when I heard them say they had to take me to the closer hospital (which is NOT the best) or I would not make it. But I am alive. I cant believe it. When I got to hold my daughter today all i could do was cry; I kept thinking that I might NOT have been around today to see her at all.....So I am officially banned from all cephalosporin antibiotics. Which is pretty much all of them, I cant have penicillan either because there is a cross over rate if you are allergic to other antibiotics....So lets just pray I NEVER get another infection!!!

Yes I know...

I have been slacking off on posting!! It has just been so darn hectic around here!! We are in the process of selling our house; actually we just hired an agent last week!! We also have been trying to coordinate where we will live once it is sold....We are moving back up north in the spring of 2007 so we have about a year to kill in Florida. Well as luck would have it; we got an aparrtment that is available in mid May...so now we just have to sell our house!!! Anyone interested?!?!?!? Beautiful house...bargain deal if you ask me!! Baby S said something new yesterday. She was shaking her head and said "no no no no no", all because she saw me going to grab a new diaper to change her bum... She is sooo funny lately. A regular comedienne. As I type this she is *supposed* to be napping. Instead I hear "Yeah....Yeahhhhh...No.....Babyyyyyy....Puppy" I love her to pieces. I mailed her biomom a card last week but I will post about that later. FYI: We have her address & phone number but she does not have ours or even know our last name...

My Timeline

I was over at Dad's HighWAY blog earlier and noticed his post on "timeline". So I thought I would put mine up also starting from taking our first class.

January 2004 : Took our first Mapp class
January 12 2004: Mailed out our references to friends; for them to fill out
February 2004: Completed our Mapp training in the middle of the month
February 22 2004: Our first homestudy appointment & fingerprinting
February 28 2004: Our second homestudy appointment
March 28 2004: Licensed Foster Parents!!!!!!
April 1 2004: First placement. "A" 3 1/2 yeard old girl & "B" 4 months old boy.
April 21 2004: Returned to Biomom
April 24 2004: J & G brothers 9 &7 years old. We knew they were a temporary placement
May 14 2004: J & G returned to grandma
May 15 2004: Baby J 12 month old boy.
May 16 2004: Returned to biomom; who had hit him with a claw part of hammer
June 1 2004: T a 3 yr old girl
June 27 2004: T reunited with biodad
July 3 2004: Baby M 2 month old girl
July 9 2004: Baby M taken in by grandma
August 9 2004: Received call on Baby S; she will be placed w us when she is discharged from hospital

August 19 2004: Baby S taken home by us
December 21 2004: Baby S bioparents signed TPR!!!!
April 2005: Bioparents rights legally terminated
May 2004:P Assigned an adoption caseworker
February 13 2006: Adoption Finalized!!!!!!!!!! Thank God!!!!

Beara's Bum Butter

My sweet baby girl has a diaper rash. A bad one. She honestly has only had like 1 small rash in all of her 18 months....So about a week ago she got a small rash. Well it has just been getting worse and worse. I tried EVERYTHING; from every ointment/creme marketed to letting her go without a diaper....On Thursday I took her to the doctors; she said baby S had a yeast infection & a bacterial infection. Yikes!!! She was on antibiotics about 3 weeks ago so that probally started it.
So now we have 2 ointments to use on every diaper change. It is horrible. She is in so much pain it just makes me cry! I made up my own special little mixture for a diaper rash creme to put over the medicine. The Pediatrician thought I should "market" my concoction! But it really does help her. So in honor of my poor little diaper rashed girl; I named it after her. Beara's Bum Butter. Her nickname is Beara....(rhymes with her name).

Homecoming Part 2

When Baby S was 2 weeks old I was contacted for the first time by her biodad. He called me when I was at work so I could not answer right away. I listened to his voicemail with my heart in literally in my throat. I decided to take a break and go outside and call him back. When "W" (biodad) answered the phone I was speechless for a minute. We chatted and he asked questions about Baby S. How she was doing, ect. By that time Baby S had a few health problems. She was a preemie; and after about a week of having her home she decided she did not like to breathe very well. She would take some pauses and sometimes would turn blue. It scared me at first but I am a nurse so I regained my composure rather quickly to revive her. That landed us a trip to the ER. She was diagnosed with sleep apnea & reflux. We were sent home after 7 days in the hospital with an apnea monitor and a bag full of medication. I explained all of this to W. He was genuinely concerned. He expressed his interest of wanting to visit her. I assured him we would set something up soon. Everything was a little hectic then. We had just been threw a major hurricane that caused major damage to our area. We set up a meeting for the following week a few days before ANOTHER major hurricane was supposed to hit near us again. We agreed to meet at a Mcdonalds. I thought that would be neutral enough. Plus he was bringing Little Boy R with him as well.

Things I would like to change about the Foster Care System

1. Add drug testing to Foster Parent screening process. I mean Hello!!! The State takes children AWAY from their biofamilies who use drugs; why should they place them into a foster family that might possibly to drugs?!?!?!!?!?

2. Enforce a maximum age limit to be a foster parent. Im only saying this because I have seen several 70+ year olds applying to be foster parents to TEENAGERS!!! That is just ridiculous in my opinion. I am 26 and I dont think I have enough of an energy level to tackle having teens around!!!! Come on, how would a person that old even discipline a teen who especially has grown up "in the system".

3. After a child comes into state custody, I would like to see them stay IN care for at least 7 days before a emergency shelter hearing is held. To have proper investigation of the reason WHY they were placed to begin with. My husband and I where placed with a 12 month old litle boy; and the judge sent him back to his mother within 24 hours. This boy was placed in our care after being hit with the claw side of a hammer by his mom. Seems the judge thought there was not enough evidence;other than the 2 prog claw makes that traveled the back length of his body to prove it was intentional......

4. There is a HORRIBLE shortage of foster parents where I am from. My caseworker told me the other day they had 458 homes and 1580 children in care in our county only.......Most homes are overfilled...I would like to see more advertising and education on recruiting GOOD foster parents....Youd be surprised at how many actually do it for the meager check you receive for each child you have....Sick....

Well I guess that is a good start for now...Im sure I will think of many more things to bitch about when it comes to foster care............

Scrapbooking...

When our daughter was first placed with us; we were not sure exactly where this journey would lead us. As foster parents we were encouraged to start a "life book" for any long term placement we may have. Basically a photo album to document the childs life at that time; so that when the child was older at least he/she would have something from their childhood. So when Baby S came to us, I decided that I would do her book no different than I would a child of my own. She was a newborn; it was up to us to document her growing up for as long as she was with us. So I went out and bought the prettiest pink 12x12 scrapbook I could find, along with all the different scrapbooking accessories to make every page memorable. My mother worried making the book would make me get "too attached". My husband worried I was spending way too much money...I saw it a different way. Whether Baby S was to be ours or go back to her bioparents; she deserved a beautiful baby album. Even if I was only to start it, I hoped someone would continue it so that she could see how loved she was. In the first 5 or so pages I was careful to keep the pictures just about her. I tucked away the pictures that included us, as I could add extra pages later if she was to be ours. If her bioparents did reunify with her; I didnt want them to be reminded of what they missed out by seeing our pictures everywhere. Needless to say I have added a great many more pages to her book. I am VERY glad I started it when I did since I am very behind now!!! I just finished her 1st birthday pictures and she is now 18 months old!! Oh well....

Homecoming Part 1

I wanted to write about our overall experience from the day we brought Baby S home. We picked her up from the hospital on 8/19/04 when she was 11 days old. Got her home and settled. Our caseworker came to see us the next week. We truly had a great caseworker, I'll call her Mrs. G. She proceeded to tell us about the bioparents; or as much as she could anyways. They were not married, the bioparents also have a 2 year old son, Little Boy R, whom the biodad was given custody of. The biomom we found out also had another son from a different dad, Little Boy D. Little Boy D lives now with his paternal grandparents. We were told how the biomom starting using drugs when she was 5 months pregnant and had no prenatal appointments whatsoever. The biomom was Baker acted after giving birth, she also has a history of Bipolar disorder. We were told since the biomom was in rehab; the biodad was granted monthly visitation by the courts. We were prepared for that. Mrs. G gave us the option of taking Baby S to those meetings or she would do them. Even only having Baby S for a week; I already felt a mothers love & protection for her. "No", I told Mrs. G, I would arrange the meetings and take her there. I even gave her my cell phone number to give to the biodad so he could call me and I could keep him up to date on Baby S. Some people didnt agree with me on that, but I wanted him to trust us, i wanted him to feel comfortable knowing his baby was being taken care of, and I wanted him to be able to access us. Afterall, she WAS his daughter. And he had done nothing wrong to warrant the state taking her from him; it was the biomom who arranged that. His only fault was that as a single dad already with a 2 year old at home; he simply could not take care of her....

Newborn Picture

Baby S at 1 day old......notice the bulb syringe is almost bigger than her head!!!

Emotions...

I am so happy I am finally a "permanent" mommy. We knew for awhile now that she was ours; but until that final court hearing, that feeling of dread never completely goes away. The TPR was signed when Baby S was 4 months old. Today she is a little over 18 months. So for 14 months we waited. And waited. We honestly had nothing more than a few papers that needed filling out. The rest of the wait was the State. For what we waited I have no clue. We were assigned our official adoption caseworker about 8 months ago. She had told us that if WE were lucky she would *try* to work on our file at the end of every month.....OH well! At least we are done. Its kinda wierd being done. I keep expecting a caseworker wanting to make an appointment for our monthly visit! I finally have closure. Its great. One thing I found strange; when the hearing was over and she was proclaimed "ours" I felt this huge wave of relief and like a teeny tiny wall that surrounded my heart had just crumpled. I had not realized this wall existed. I thought I was loving my daughter fully; completely. But I guess I had reserved the tiniest part of my love just in case. To protect my soul from the unknown of foster care adoptions. To protect myself from self destruction SHOULD something would have went wrong. Its amazing the change in my daughter since the finalization also. Maybe she is growing up a bit, or maybe her little wall crumpled also. She is so full of love and laughter. Kisses and hugs. I am so lucky to be her mom. She is honestly the BEST thing that has ever happened in my life. She makes me a better person by far.

FINALIZATION DAY!!!!!!!

Today with an extremely happy heart I would like to announce the finalization of our daughter adoption!!!! Yeah!!! She has *always* been our daughter from day 1; but today it is officially "official"! Our meeting with the judge was set for 10:00 this morning and it lasted all of 10 minutes! It was soooo~oo nice to hear her proclaimed ours forever! Our two caseworkers met us at the courthouse. All of my family lives in a different state so they were unable to attend. My sister in law &brother in law live clsoe to us but they did not show up. Errrr...But that is an ENTIRELY different post. My princess was adorable! All dressed up. I am finally able to feel some closure and blow a *BIG* sigh of relief....No one can take her from us now....I don't have to worry anymore about a caseworker showing up at our door trying to take her away.....Not that that would have happened anyways since the TPR was signed when she was 4 months old.....But as a foster to adopt parent; that thought is always in the back of your mind!!! I am soo happy right now!!! Life truly cannot get any better!!!